Beware of Bella
by Story Obsessed
Summary: Bella is the girl that no one wants to be around. She is hostile and cruel. People used to care but everyone has given up on her. They steer clear at all costs. What happens when the Cullens move in and break her defenses and find out what's going on? Will they be able to handle Bella or have they bitten off more than they can chew?
1. Summary

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight o the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**Summary: **Bella is the girl that no one wants to be around. She is hostile and cruel. People used to care but everyone has given up on her. They steer clear at all costs. What happens when the Cullens move in and break her defenses and find out what's going on?

Warning; Strong/dark topics and language


	2. Horrible Start

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight o the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**_BPOV:_**

****I was getting ready for the high light of my day. Going to school. Most kids my age would think I was crazy, if I talked to anyone. School meant 8 hours away from home. Away from Charlie.

I pulled on my gray sweater and looked in the mirror. I couldn't help but flinch. My face was slightly discolored, in the shape of a hand print. I pulled out my cover up and made it invisible.

I ran out of the house and into the safety of my truck. I made the drive to my school as a Volvo was parking in my spot. The parking lot got quiet as I pulled my truck to the side and got out. I stormed up to the Volvo and folded my arms across my chest, waiting for the driver to get out.

I could definitely say that these kids had to be the Cullens. The school was filled with gossip about them. I could also say that they were about to get the worse of my attitude. This is definitely not how I planned to start my day.

I was momentarily taken back by the beauty of the boy that stepped out of the car, but I got over it quickly.

"Can I help you?" The boy's velvety voice asked respectfully.

He was a little bit taller than me with bronze sex hair and golden eyes.

"You're in my spot." I said angrily.

The boy looked at me puzzled as if he didn't understand something. This sent my anger a level higher.

I noticed Jessica and her crew started gathering around, trying not to be noticed.

"I hadn't realized that." The boy said quietly. "I will move."

I didn't say anything; instead I spun and turned on Jessica. "Can I help you?" I spit. My eyes started burning and I knew they were changing color from blue to black.

Jessica spun and practically ran in the other direction, her puppies following her. I shook my head.

"I don't have all day." I said when I realized the new boy hadn't moved. I glared at him until he got in his car and moved.

I parked in my spot and walked into the building.


	3. Jessica

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight or the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**_EPOV:_**

I walked into English, shocked.

Bella, as everyone called her, was feared. She looked so fragile, so small. How could anyone fear her?

_He's lucky she took it easy on him. _Someone thought when they noticed me. There was a mess of thoughts. _It's 'cause he so gorgeous._

_ Bella could have seriously hurt him._

_ Maybe she was in a good mood._

I couldn't believe that they considered that a good mood. Bella must have done something really bad to be so feared.

"Hey, you're one of the new kids. I'm Jessica. Jessica Stanley." A girl said happily.

"Hello. I'm Edward Cullen." I wasn't paying much attention to the girl. Her thoughts were screaming though.

_Jessica Cullen? That's perfect. He's destined to be mine He's too gorgeous for anyone else. How could he possibly tell me no? He won't. He looks like he'd be great in bed._

Her thoughts got dirtier as we progressed into the classroom.

'I would offer you a seat but sadly I already have a partner." Jessica flirted with a sad smile. "I'll see you after class though and we can get to know each other." With that she skipped off to her seat. She was already plotting on how to get her seat switched next to mine.

The teacher called the class to attention as the bell rang. We were working by ourselves in less than 10 minutes. Jessica walked up to the teachers desk, no one noticed focusing on the work sheet.

I listened as Jessica flirted with the teacher until he allowed her to sit with me. He mentioned that she could tomorrow and he'll announce it in front of the class so that it's official.

I couldn't help but think _slut._ I had a feeling English would be my least favorite class.


	4. Watch Your Tone

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight or the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**_BPOV_**

****I didn't see any of the new kids again until lunch. I walked in and went straight to the line. I hadn't eaten in a while and decided on an apple. As I walked off the line someone bumped into me.

I was surprised and infuriated. I expected to see one of the new kids, but it was none other than Jessica. She looked surprised as well.

"I'm sorry." She said quickly.

"Watch where the fuck you going!" I spit. Yeah I was sweet enough not to pounce on her. "I'm sorry!' She said again.

"I'm getting real tired of seeing your face Jessica!" I couldn't help but take my anger out on her, Charlie crossed a line last night and I couldn't hide the anger.

"I said I'm sorry.' I'm pretty sure she didn't mean to sound so snarky, but I didn't care at the moment.

I pounced. I punched Jessica in her mouth twice before her brain registered and she staggered back. But I couldn't stop. I pushed her to the floor and got on top of her swinging wildly.

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms around my waist pulling me off of Jessica, who was sobbing on the floor. I started thrashing out of anger but the arms tightened around me. I was struck with fear, knowing I wasn't in control anymore. Whoever was behind me was stronger and in control.

My eyes burned, probably changing color again. I was trying to get out of the manly arms. No matter what I did, it didn't work.

**_Author's note: I can't decide whether I want to make this a vampire story of a human story. I can't update until someone tells me what I should do... I know how the story will turn out for now either way. I just need to know the preferences. HELP and I'll update as soon as I know... =D And the chapter will be longer if that's what you want.  
><em>**


	5. Biology

BPOV:

"Put me down!" I screamed, trying to keep the terror out of my voice. I had given up trying to hit Jessica. Now I just wanted to be put down.

"Put me down or I'll scream."

"You're already screaming" A velvety voice said in my ear.

He put me down and I spun unable to but a cap on my anger. I swung on him fast and hard making him stagger backwards.

My arms where burning but I ignored it.

"Edward!" I heard a girl shriek.

I glanced at her. Jet black, pixie cut hair, and a little on the short side.

I looked at her quickly but, who I'm assuming is Edward, grabbed my arms. Warmth ran down my arms and I knew I was bleeding.

I cursed quietly and Edward looked down at his hands, now covered in blood.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted with all my heart to be mad at him. But I was scared. Charlie is going to find out about this and he is going to kill me.

In that moment I hate myself. I reopened my cuts when I swung at Edward. I was stupid enough to wear a grey sweater. And now Edward was looking at me weird, with emotions I didn't understand.

He didn't let go of my arms, stopping the blood flow. Suddenly, I jerked away from him and ran to my locker.

I pulled out my black sweater and my book bag. I ran into my truck and tore off my sweater quickly wrapping the cuts up and pulling my black sweater on.

Now I know what everyone is thinking: Oh wow. Another emo girl who cuts herself. This is just like every other case.

But no.

I didn't start cutting by choice. Charlie made me one day, claiming it would make things easier for me. That's the only thing I give him, it did help.

I cut because—

There was knocking on the window.

I jumped as I high as I could. I looked at the window and Edward was staring at me.

"Don't you know when to leave someone alone?" I yelled getting out of the car with my sweater.

Edward stared at my gray sweater so I hid it behind my back.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said.

I looked down at his hands. They were slightly red from my blood.

"I'm listening." I was waiting for the bell to ring, knowing that it should soon.

"Well, Bella-"

BRRRIIIIING!

The bell screamed that it was time for class.

"Thanks for the chat." I said sharply before turning around and walking away.

On my way to Biology I dropped my sweater into the garbage. I sat alone at my desk quietly. I noticed a few people staring at me and I knew the fight had already spread across the school.

As the late bell Edward walked into class.

"Hello." He said politely to the teacher.

The teacher looked at a paper on his desk. "Hello Edward is it?" He didn't wait for Edward to answer. "You'll be sitting next to Bella Swan."

"WHAT!" I shrieked furiously.


	6. Principal's Office

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight or the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**_Author's Note: I hope I didn't lose anyone for making it a human story or for saying that Bella cuts herself… This is kind of a dark story. Also, I'm sorry I didn't update sooner I'm part of a few websites for young writers. But I'll be faithful to this story and hope that people like it._**

**_BPOV:_**

The class seemed to flinch around me. "Since when do I get a partner?" I screamed ignoring the fact that I knew I was being immature and this was inevitable.

"Ms. Swan calm yourself. You won't be in class anyway, the principal requested to see you." The teacher announced.

Edward was looking at me; or more specifically my arms and then my eyes.

"You better keep your mouth closed" I said bumping into him as I walked out the class room.

"I could walk to the principal's office with my eyes closed. I went straight in and sat in my usual seat. In the soft chair on the right side of the principal's desk. I looked at the left couch and saw Jessica curled up sobbing.

"Care to explain what happened Bella?" Mr. Rivera said.

"Well I was on the lunch line and Jessica pushed me!" I said trying to sound exasperated. "I told her to watch where she was going and she said she was sorry but she didn't mean it and she was smiling," I was trying to get this to be her fault. "So I hit her." I finished blandly.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to call your father Ms. Swan."

Suddenly I felt sick. I looked at the floor trying to fight back tears. "Sir," I said quickly. "It wasn't my fault. You can ask Edward Cullen, one of the new kids. He saw her push me!"

I got up and started pacing as Mr. Rivera picked up the phone and eventually finding Edward.

Edward walked into the principal's office a few minutes later. I spoke before Mr. Rivera got the chance.

"Edward tell Mr. Rivera then Jessica started the fight!" I said looking at him, hoping he would lie for me.

I know he saw the tears in my eyes because he looked hurt.

"Mr. Cullen can you tell me what really happened?" Mr. Rivera said

"I-I don't know." Edward stuttered.

"I'm sorry Ms. Swan but this has to stop and I'm afraid I will have to contact your father."

Tears poured out of my eyes out of anger and fear. I turned around and punched the wall.

"I hate you!" I yelled to everyone in the room. "You WILL be sorry." I said storming out of the office and into the little waiting area.

"I was waiting around for what felt like 5 minutes before I heard Charlie whisper "You're gunna regret making me leave work."

**_R&R? THANKS... Oh and any suggestions for the next chapter_**


	7. Charlie

BPOV:

I followed my father into the principal's office only to see that Jessica had left and Edward was sitting in my seat. He and seemed to be sharing a good laugh. Next to me, my father cleared his throat.

"Good afternoon Chief Swan." Mr. Rivera said, recovering quickly and shifting back into his business voice.

"Good afternoon." Charlie said casually. "I'm so sorry for Bellas obscene behavior today I don't understand what got into her."

"I understand, but I think it would be best if Bella takes the rest of the week off." That was 's way of saying that I was suspended.

"But it's only Wensday." I said quickly.

"You weren't spoken to Bella. You got off easy only two days suspension. We will talk when we get home"

Now to everyone in the room I know what it sounded like. An upset father who is going to lecture his daughter when they got home. But me? I heard the threat in his voice. Tears welled in my eyes again and silently fell.

"Shut up." Charlie said as we walked out of the office.

I couldn't stop crying as we walked to my truck because I was scared of what I was soon to face.

When we were outside alone. Charlie pushed me against my truck, I whimpered.

"I said shut up!" I felt his palm connect with my face and my head hit the door. I didn't say that I wasn't even making noise.

Instead I held my breath so I wouldn't make any noise.

"Straight home!" He ordered before walking away.

I sped home, but thanks to my slow truck, I pulled up right beside Charlie.

He grabbed my arm and threw me into the house. I slammed into the railing for the stairs as the front door slammed. I looked up and Charlie was in front of me.

I held my breath and waited. 


	8. Let Off Easy

BPOV:

I looked up and Charlie was staring at me with pure hate in his eyes.

"What the fuck is your problem!"Charlie yelled at me lifting me by my arms. "So you think you're big and fucking bad, right Bella?"

Charlie threw me against the wall and walked back up to me.

"You can pick on anyone you want!" He yelled yanking me up by my hair. I was sobbing loudly.

"Shut up Bella! Shut up!" He yelled before his hands enclosed around my neck."I am tired of having to take off of work early because you want to be a fucking rebel!" His hand tightened not leaving any room for me to breath.

I started making low choking noises and black spots were dancing across my vision. Suddenly, Charlie dropped me and I fell onto my knees gasping.

"Don't think you're off the hook. You are lucky I'm in a good mood from last night! When I get home this house better be spotless and my food better be on the table waiting for me. Don't worry about serving yourself. You could afford to lose a few pounds." Charlie hissed before walking out the house.

I didn't bother mentioning that I hadn't eaten in three days. When Charlie was mad, I didn't eat. It an unspoken rule. I was used to it.

A few hours later the front door slammed downstairs and I knew Charlie was home. I was sitting on my bed barely breathing.

Charlie stumbled into my room maybe 20 minutes later.

As soon as he walked in I could smell the alcohol on his breath and clothes. I automatically pushed myself against the headboard of the bed and sat up in the fetal position.

"Not tonight. Please." I cried. I didn't want to do what I did yesterday.

I looked up and Charlie had a cruel smile on his face.

"But Bella, don't you want to make me happy?" Charlie didn't wait for me to answer. Instead he pulled me off the bed and pushed me onto my knees.

I wasn't even in my body anymore. I was hiding in a corner, completely detached from myself.I was watching my body pleasure Charlie.

I couldn't help but feel like Charlie killed me. He'd taken all of my pride from me. He couldn't do anything worse than have me take him in my mouth. I was wrong… 


	9. Group Project

EPOV:

"Carlisle" I called when I got home from school.

"He's at work. What's wrong?" Esme said practically dancing out of the kitchen.

"Can I ask you for advice?" I asked knowing she would give it to me.

"Sure Sweetie. What's up?"

"What do you do if you know that someone is being hurt by their parent?" I said in one breath.

Esme was obviously surprised. "Ed do you know something? If so you have to report it. Who are you talking about?"

"It was just a question" I said quickly. "I have homework. I'll be in my room." I ran upstairs and into my room before Esme could respond.

I couldn't forget what Bella's father was thinking.

*She's in so much trouble when we get home. I'm going to fuck her up! I have almost a week to teach her a lesson. She'll regret making me leave work early.*

I lay in bed and hoped he was just mad and not actually going to do anything. But I couldn't deny the fear that was in Bella's eyes when she saw him. Nor could I deny the urgency in her voice as she asked me to lie for her.

On Friday, in Biology, the teacher informed us that we had a group project due next week Friday and handed out guidelines.

He handed me two and said "You will have to inform Ms. Swan about this because this is not a class project." And he continued to explain that to the rest of the class.

I knew that this would be a difficult class to pass because it was already obvious that Bella hated me.

*He's going to fail the class.*

*Poor Edward he's going to have to do the project alone.*

*There is no way Bella is going to work with him. She either wont do it or she's going to do it alone*

*I hope he's ready for bruises.*

People's thoughts were really starting to piss me off.

I stormed out of the class when the bell rang, glad that I only had one more period then I was done for the weekend. 


	10. Crossing A Line

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight or the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**_Author's Note: Ok shout out to Kit Kat for reviewing my last chapter. I kind of thought the story flopped and wasn't going to update. But here I am and here we go! (Takes place on Sunday)_**

**_BPOV:_**

My body was bruised and hurting. Charlie decided he would teach me a lesson for fighting. To say he beat my ass is an huge understatement. I shouldn't be surprised because I knew it was coming sooner or later.

I was cooking food for Charlie when he walked in from his fishing trip.

"Are you going to eat?" He asked as I served him dinner.

I could smell the Brandy radiating off of him. I absolutely hated that Charlie was an alcoholic. I shook my head. I watched him go in the cabinet and pull out another bottle and knew something bad was going to happen. As soon as I was done I ran upstairs and into my room.

Two hours later Charlie staggered into my room wearing nothing but boxers. I had to hide the disgust from my face. He walked up and sat in front of me on my bed. I looked at him and he leaned forward and kissed me. My stomach started to hurt. Suddenly he slid his tongue into my mouth and I wanted to gag. If I would've eaten recently I know I would have thrown up.

I tried to pull away from Charlie but he pushed me down onto my bed and got on top of me. I started fighting against him.

"NO!" I screamed before he put his hand over my mouth.

"Shhh" He whispered. "Screaming won't get you anywhere."

With that he let me scream and ignored me as I fought against him. I was naked under this man who was supposed to be my father. Suddenly he pushed into me and I screamed out in pain.

"Daddy stop!" I screamed as he thrusts in me over and over.

I swear it felt like he was on me for an hour before he collapsed on top of me. He was panting and I was sobbing. He got off of me, grabbed his boxers, and walked out of my room.

I got up and frantically searched for my razor and almost screamed when I couldn't find it. Charlie came back in and tossed something at me. I looked down and saw a new razor and hated him for knowing what I wanted to do.

I looked down at both of my arms at all the cuts spread out. Without a second thought I carved SLUT into my left arm. I wanted to cry out because I couldn't feel anything. I took my right arm and sliced it in every direction possible and dropped the razor.

I screamed out in pain and automatically thought I cut too deep. Somewhere in my heart I wanted Charlie to rush upstairs and show me that he loved me. I knew it wasn't going to happen.

I reached for my first aid kit and wrapped up both of my arms.

I woke up screaming unaware of the fact that I even fell asleep. I looked at my alarm clock and it read 5:12. I didn't have to wake up for another almost hour. I got in the shower and then got ready for school. My arms were screaming in pain. I got outside at 7:30, I was nauseous but I drove to school.


	11. Edward's House

BPOV

I pulled into my spot and ignored everyone staring at me. It was a warm day for Forks but I was in long pants, sneakers, a tee-shirt, and a sweater. I had bruises everywhere so I didn't really have a choice. My entire body was in pain.

By lunchtime I was almost positive that I was going to throw up. I also know it's because I havent eaten since before I was suspended.

I was walking towards the cafeteria when someone bumped into me. Their hand swung and hit me in my stomach. Automatically I started gagging and ran to the bathroom. Over the sink I started throwing up blood. I definitely need to eat something, I thought.

I rinsed out my mouth and pulled out my cover up. I couldn't take the chance of someone seeing the hand prints on both sides of my face.

I stood in the bathroom until the bell rang for class and then ran across the school yard to Biology. Edward was already sitting down when I walked in. As I took my seat the late bell rang. Edward turned to me.

"We have a project that is due in a week." He handed me a paper."It is a group project so we are going to my house after school to start.

I couldn't find my voice listening to his bossy one, so I settled for glaring at him. The rest of the class passed without either one of us talking.

I silently hoped that no one would talk to me for the rest of the day. I could already feel the potential blow up bubbling inside of me.

My last class was gym and there were 3 of the new kids in that class; the pixie that called Edward, a large masculine boy, and a less masculine boy. The pixie ran up to me and the two boys followed her.

"Hi I'm Alice Cullen." She said happily. "This is Emmett" The really big one reached out to shake my hand, I ignored it. "And this is Jasper." This one didn't even reach out to grab me. He looked at me strangely so I glared at him.

"Oh so you guys are related to Edward. Well tell that asshole that he's not my daddy and I do whatever the fuck I want to do!" Jasper and Alice looked shocked but Emmett laughed.

I stormed away not knowing I was so angry at Edward. But really who did he think he was bossing me around as soon as I walked into class? I own this fucking school.

After class I called Charlie to let him know I had a group project to do and I would be home late. I had to tell him that if I didn't do this project they would get suspicious and want to see him.

Edward was standing next to my truck.

"Just follow me." He said quickly before jogging to his car. I wanted to follow him and smack him but if I did it on school grounds I'd get suspended again. So I but my tongue and did as he said.

I followed Edwards Volvo down the highway and up a trail through the woods. Finally, we pulled up to a huge, beautiful house.

"Finally this is Rosalie." Alice said as I followed them towards the house. Rosalie was so beautiful, it was breathtaking. She nodded towards me and I rolled my eyes.

"Esme" Edward called as I followed him into the house. Everyone had gone upstairs and a lady came into towards us.

"This is my mother." Edward said.

"You must be Bella. Edward said you would be coming today."

"We'll be in the living room." Edward said and once again I followed him. 


	12. Sick

EPOV:

I watched Bella sit on the couch next to me. She was staring at the coffee table as I spread out the books we would need.

I was honestly a little uncomfortable with Bella's silence. I'd rather she be yelling at me then looking around with guarded eyes. If I wasn't wrong she actually looked a little green.

Esme walked in with a plate of homemade brownies.

"Thank you." Bella whispered.

"No problem Sweetie." Esme smiled and left us to work.

I looked at Bella and explained that I already chose a project and walked her through the requirements. She just nodded.

"Are you okay?" I asked suddenly.

Silence.

"If you want I can started the project alone and you can help tomorrow." I suggested trying to figure out what was wrong with her.

Silence. All Bella did was grab her stomach and she started coughing. I figured she was catching a cold.

I grabbed a brownie and bit into was amazing.

Bella started coughing to the point of choking, still clutching her stomach, tears started running down her face. I was shocked and called out Esme.

Esme walked in as Bella started throwing up. Usually I would have been mad and disgusted, but it was blood and I automatically knew something was wrong.

"Call Carlisle." I told Esme.

"CATCH HER!" Alice screamed at the same time.

I grabbed Bella just as she went limp.

I was panicking and wanted to cry.

"Bella! Bella wake up!" Iwas screaming.

Carlisle ran into the house a few minutes later.

"What happened?" He asked.

Esme was cleaning up blood from the floor shaking.

"She started coughing .Blood. She had blood in her mouth." I was trying to untangle my thoughts.

Carlisle put his arms around Bella but automatically pulled back.

I wanted to read his mind but I couldn't even understand what I was thinking.

"Emmett." Carlisle called as Emmett stomped down the stairs."Carry her to the medical room please."

"Why can't you carry her?" I asked as Emmett ran up the stairs.

"Too much pain." He said running after Emmett. I didn't even stop to consider what that meant.

"What if she doesn't wake up?" I said with unexpected tears in my eyes.

"She will." Esme said softly. 


	13. Awake

Someone was touching me! I have to get away! I started sweating but I couldn't make my body work.I was definitely feeling sick and it felt like I was getting a checkup. If I was in the hospital Charlie was going to murder me.

"Bella?" called a man's voice.

I can't explain why my body lurched up and a loud scream came out of my thought.

I looked up and saw that I was in a room with a man and the huge guy I was in gym with... Emmett.

"What's wrong?" said the first guy, "Bella?"

The big guy stepped towards me as Edward ran into the room. The big guy stepped towards me with an unreadable expression and my head screamed for me to protect myself.

I was hyperventilating from being in a room with so many guys I didn't really know.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled, getting to my feet and backing up into a corner.

"Bella," said the one who was obviously an adult. "What's wrong?"

I screamed as he stepped towards me.

Edward's mother, Esme, pushed into the room and looked around. Without thinking I ran into her arms and started sobbing.

I felt her arms wrap around voice was gentle as she whispered that everything would be okay. "My husband has to ask you questions Bella. You passed out and we are really worried about you. Carlisle is a doctor."

I was embarrassed at my act of running into her arms, but I couldn't help but feel safe with her. I had to make sure that never happened again.

"Bella, when was the last time you ate?" Carlisle said after introducing himself.

"I don't remember." I whispered.

I met his eyes for a second and he looked really sad. That's when I noticed.

"Where is my sweater? I screamed. 


	14. Guessing

**Disclaimer:** I don't own twilight or the characters but I'm hoping to get them for my 16th birthday =)

**_A/N: Sorry I keep taking so long but I'm REALLY busy. justalil'obsessed it has a place and you didn't miss anything._**

**_EPOV:_**

"Where's my sweater?" Bella yelled, surprising me. How had she not noticed that she was only in her tee-shirt?

"You where sweating and I had to take it off." Carlisle said.

I looked down at her arms and saw the new gauze that Carlisle had probably changed.

"You- you c-changed me?" Bella looked a mix between sick, angry, and scared. "By yourself?"

"Emmett was in here to." Carlisle said slightly confused and trying to reassure her.

Bella backed up and tried to get out of the room but I was in the way.

_I think she was raped. _Carlisle thought at me.

"W-what?" I asked feeling sick, but Carlisle just looked at me with sad eyes. "No." I said "That's impossible. That doesn't happen here." I kept going but I had a feeling that I was wrong.

Everyone in the room was staring at me. It was then that I noticed that Bella wasn't in the room anymore.

"Bella!" I called, but silence answered me. "Bella!"

I walked back into the living room but she wasn't there. I ran outside and saw Bella sitting on the floor, face hidden and shaking as if she was crying.

"Bella." I whispered, touching her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" She said in a shaky breath.

"Bella…" I said sitting on the floor next to her. Suddenly I wanted her to tell me Carlisle was wrong, but I didn't know what to say. "Bella look at me."

She shook her head.

"Please."

"I don't have to listen to you." She said quietly. "You're not my father."

I turned around and saw Carlisle standing at the door.

_How did you get her to come here today without a fight? _ Carlisle thought.

"I didn't give her a choice." I mouthed.

_I need to talk to her. Don't give her a choice. Tell her to look at you. Don't ask her._

I shook my head. There was no way I was going to yell at Bella or order her around in this state.

Carlisle walked out and stood in front of Bella about a foot away.

"Bella look at me. We need to talk." He said softly.

"No."

"I am not asking you, I am telling you." Carlisle said with a little more authority.

Bella shook her head.

Carlisle's face changed into a look of pain and sadness suddenly. "Isabella Swan! Get up and address me as I'm speaking to you!" Carlisle's voice was a harsh tone I had never heard before.

I opened my mouth to protest for Bella but was stunned into silence when Bella got on her feet and looked at Carlisle.

"I'm sorry." She said wiping at the tears on her face.

"You are going to follow me into my office and you are going to answer my questions. Do you understand that?" Carlisle said in a slightly lighter tone.

"Yes." She whispered.

_She only responds to orders. I think she's too scared to say no. _Even Carlisle's thoughts sounded broken.


	15. Rash Decision

BPOV:

I followed Carlisle into his office quietly. He handed me my sweater and I put in on quietly.

"Emmett you can go and close the door behind you please." Carlisle said as we walked into his office.

*He's going to hit you and you deserve are you to disobey anyone?* My thoughts were scolding me.

"Take a seat." Carlisle said in a calm tone as he sat behind his desk.

"I'd rather stand." I said quietly. I hate feeling this timid and scared.I'm going to say something and he's going to hit me and then I'm going to go home and get hit again.

"We have to discuss serious matters. It could take a while."

"I'd prefer to stand" I said again with more force in my voice.

"Very well Bella. Why are you all bruised up? Why haven't you eaten recently? Why are you cutting yourself?"

I started to retreat into my head. I could feel myself getting numb. "I'm clumsy. I have a stomach ache and eating makes it worse." I lied quickly avoiding the last question.

I was getting nervous and stressed out. I wanted to cut myself so bad. I started messing with the zipper on my sweater.

"Okay let's take this one by bruises are in the shape of handprints. And you have to eat when you have a stomach ache" He said.

"I fight a lot. You can ask Edward." I said without missing a beat.

He didn't look as if he believed me so I expected him to ask about it again. "Are you sexually active?"

"W-what?" I said shocked. What did that have to do with anything?

"You heard me."

"No" I said honestly. I don't consider Charlie raping me 'sexually active'.

It was as if Carlisle was in my head. "Where you raped?"

"N-no." I said unable to control my voice. I stepped back trying to numb myself.

"I don't believe you Isabella. I can't help you if you don't talk to me." His voice was getting faint.

I shook my head frantically and backed into a wall.

Without thinking I pulled my sweater off and the gauze around my arms.

"Bella?" A voice questioned from far away.

I couldn't recognize the voice. I feel like I'm under water. I can't hear and I can't breathe. I am completely alone.

I don't want to live.

I pulled my razor out of my pocket and slit my wrist quickly. I heard movement from far away but I know that by the time someone finds me it'll be too late.I slit my other wrist quickly. I already feel myself slipping away.

Suddenly two hands wrap around my wrists. In less than a second two things happen. First my razor fell out of my and second I hear a man's blood curtling scream mix with my own.

What will this family think about me now. I thought before I thankfully let darkness slip over me. 


	16. Dont Give Up

EPOV:

I was in the woods about a mile away from my house. I intended to use this time to think but it wasn't working too well. I kept thinking about the anger Chief Swan seemed to have towards Bella. But did it move to physical abuse? Or sexual?

I didn't want to think that Bella was sexually abused. I know she cut herself but there are many possible was also the fact that she didn't listen unless she was being yelled at. And all the bruises.

I ran my hands through my already messy hair. I didn't want to think about this right now. I couldn't.

Why do I feel so strongly about Bella? I don't know anything about her except for the fact that she was always fighting. And all of these possibilities.

"Edward!" A voice called. "She's dieing Edward!" It was Alice as she ran into the clearing I was in.

"Who?" I asked dumbly.

"I don't think she's going to die. But she's not fighting to live. She's letting herself slip away."

I just stared at Alice.

"Bella!" She yelled.

I jumped up from my spot on the floor and ran in the direction of my house. In about 5 minutes I was there. I don't think I've ever run that fast in my life.

I ran into the medical room of the house. The scene was confusing.

Bella was laying completely motionless on the bed. There were IVs in her wrapped up was standing in a corner looking between Bella and his hands. His hands were red.

"She looked so vacant. I shouldn't have pushed her. She withdrew and tried to kill herself. Right in front of my face. I don't even think she knew I was there still. I don't understand..." He looked at me and shook his head guiltily. "I'm sorry Edward." It was then that I noticed Esme was sobbing on the floor.

"Bella don't give up. Please don't give up." I whispered turning my attention to her.

"Keep talking to her." Alice whispered from the door. "I think she feels a little safer with you."

I was happy to comply.

I didn't look at the time until Esme whispered that I should get ready for bed. It was 10:30 and I still hadn't showered.

"But her dad" I whispered.

"We'll deal with him later."

And so I reluctantly went to bed.

In the middle of my restless night I heard Bella scream. 


	17. Confirming suspicions

Confirming Suspicions

EPOV

I ran into the room Bella was and saw her tossing and turning on the bed. I was almost sure she was having a nightmare.

Carlisle walked in and went straight to Bella. He winced when he touched her forehead but continued to touch her neck.

"Stop" Bella cried. "Please" once again tossing and turning.

"What's wrong with her?" I whispered.

"Probably a nightmare" Carlisle whispered.

"Stop touching me please. I won't get in trouble anymore. I swear." Bella was panting. "Stop!"

Carlisle looked like he was trying not to cry.

Bella's body was moving too much with movements that were uncoordinated. "I won't tell anyone daddy. I promise" Bella choked out.

I snuck out of the room and back into my room. The clock said it was 5 so I didn't bother going back to sleep I just laid down. My alarm would go off in an hour.

At 5:30 I heard noise in the hallway. I opened my door and saw Bella walked up the hall teary-eyed.

"Good morning" I whispered.

She jumped. "I-I didn't mean to wake you. I have to go home and shower and get ready for school and tell Charlie...". She trailed off.

"Just call him. You can shower and get ready here and go home after school."

"He's already called me a bunch of times and I have to go home." She said running downstairs. I heard the front door close and her truck pull off.  
>I decided it was time to get up and get ready for school. I also knew for sure that Charlie was abusing Bella... <p>


	18. Hero  i hope

Hero. I hope

A/N: you guys should notice the different lay out in my stories cause my labtop broke and I figured out a way to do this on my phone. I think I can update more though. Anyways. Thank you to the fans that stuck by me...

EPOV

Bella didn't come to school today and I was worried. I asked Alice but she couldn't see Bella's future. I went to the main office and got Chief Swan's address.

"It'll look like a break in" a thought pushed into my head as a cop car passed. I saw that it was Chief Swan.

I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I sped to his house and saw that the door was slightly open. The feeling in my stomach worsened. I couldn't call the cops so I parked and called Carlisle. He said to go in and stay on the phone.

I got out the car and jogged to the door. I put my phone on speaker and in my pocket.

"I'm going in." I told Carlisle.

I pushed the door open slowly.

"BELLA!" I screamed instantly. "Bella wake up!" I cried running to her side.

Bella was laying at the bottom of the stairs in a weird position. She was naked and bleeding but I can't see where from.

"Carlisle help!" I cried.

"I'm sending an ambulance." I heard him quietly.

I was actually crying because this time I didn't think shed wake up. She's lost so much blood in the last 24 hours.

Two guys ran into the house a few minutes later. They had a gurney and the first guy picked Bella up and strapped her down.

"What happened sir?" The guy asked as I followed him to the ambulance.

"I don't know." I whispered. "Bella please. You can't leave me." I cried as we got in the ambulance.

"She's in critical condition. Straight in." One of the guys said.

They rushed her into the emergency room and I followed.

"Blow to the back. She's bleeding. Unsteady heartbeat and breathing. Most likely raped." The ambulance man was saying to Carlisle.

"You have to wait in the waiting room. I'm sorry." Carlisle said to me before disappearing in the room with Bella. Followed by a few other doctors. I sat on the floor and willed it to open back up.

After about an hour of doctors walking in and out I saw Carlisle. I followed him into his office.

"Honestly Edward. I'm worried about her. Shes unstable. You need to go home and rest. Bella might be here for a while."

I was thinking murderous thoughts when I heard a voice outside of Carlisles office. It was Bella's dad.

"Shhh." He said pointing me under his desk. I went under and got as comfortable as I could in the small cramped space.

"Why can't I take my daughter home?"

"She has to stay." Carlisle said calmly. "We need a sperm sample from you."

"Why!"

"Bella was raped." Carlisle said still calm.

"I'm her father!"

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Unless..."

"I wouldn't have sex with my daughter." But his thoughts were "I hope they can't force me to."

"Well since you're a sperm donor we have it but it would look better if you complied." Carlisle said evenly. But he wanted to get Charlie.

"I'll do it later." Charlie sounded nervous.

"Now." Carlisle said "I'll have a nurse escort you."

With that I heard the door close. I was alone. 


	19. What's best

What's best

A/N: Im losing confidence in this story again I hope people are still reading the story

BPOV

I woke up in the hospital after being punished by Charlie. The man from Edwards house was in the room looking at me.

"Do you remember me Bella?" he said.

I couldn't bring myself to answer him. I decided I wasn't going to talk anymore. At all. All talking did was get me in trouble. If I would just learn to shut up I wouldn't be in any of this mess.

"Can you talk to me?" He continued. I turned away. He sighed. "You are coming home with me. I am now your legal Guardian and you will live with me and my family"

At that point I thought I was going to die. I was confused as to why I was leaving Charlie and how life would be with the Cullen family.

"I will leave you to dress and I will wait outside of the door." With that doctor Cullen walked out the room, pulling the door closed.

I got dressed and stepped out of the room. Doctor Cullen motioned for me to follow him out of the room.

We got to a car and he opened the passengers door for me. I quietly got in and he pulled out.

"Is there anything you need from your house besides your school bag, which is already at the house?"

That one comment made me break down. I burst into tears.

"It'll be OK." he whispered softly. The sound reminded me of Charlie when he told me everything was my fault.

We pulled up in front of his house and I followed him in. Edward is going to give you a tour.

"Hey Bella" Edward said brightly.

I didn't respond I just looked up at him.

"You have pretty eyes" he said quietly enough that I wondered if I was really supposed to hear it.

The house was huge I was sure that we toured for an hour or more.

"And this is your bedroom." Edward said in a tone that told me the tour was over.

I stepped in the room and Edward walked away. I looked around. the bed was made up with a laptop on top. The room looked like it came straight from a magazine. The only thing in the room that was mine was my book bag.

I got on the floor and dumped my bag out. All of my books feel to the floor from the big pocket. From the small pocket more than 5 razors fell out. I automatically knew Charlie was in my bag.

My phone vibrated on the floor so it must have fallen out of my bag.

I answered the unknown number with a very weak "hello"

"You don't think you can hide from me forever do you? I don't know what you told the Cullens but they can't protect you from me or yourself." Charlies voice said menacingly.

"I didn't tell them anything."I said loudly.

"You better hide baby" out of fear I sent my phone flying across the room. It hit the wall and broke loudly..

I was crying again.

I wanted to cut myself but decided not to. My arms were already wrapped up and I didn't want to unwrap them. I knew that if I cut myself again I would die.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked suddenly at the door. I saw his eyes travel from my broken phone to the mess of books and razors.

I didn't answer.

"Oh my God. Bella I'm sorry but I can't let you keep hurting yourself."

Edward walked forward and picked up the razors from the floor.

"no" I screamed pushing him back.

"Bella" he said in a strange tone.

"No!" I yelled again getting up. "You can't stop me and you are not the boss!"

I wasn't thinking straight. I pushed Edward again and swung at him. I caught him in his mouth and busted his lip.

"Stop" He yelled, grabbing and pushing me to the floor.

"Get off!" I screamed back still trying to hit him.

He struggled for a second before getting on top of me and holding me down.

"Calm down." He said.

I closed my eyes, crying again, and retreated into the safety of my head. 


	20. Fall Out

Fall Out

Epov

I automatically got of of Bella when she stopped fighting me and started crying. When I got up she didn't move.

"Bella" i questioned scared that I hurt her. She didn't respond.

I started to panic and picked her up. I ran down and straight into the living room where Carlisle and Esme were talking.

"Dad I think I hurt her!" I said louder than necessary.

"What happened?" he asked calmly.

"I walked into her room to see if she was okay and I moved to pick up her razors and she hit me. I tried to calm her down but she kept hitting me so I held her down..." I said in one breath.

"Calm down. She probably just got scared. Lay her in her bed and I'll check on her around dinner time."

I did as I was told.

"I'm sorry Bella" I whispered before I walked out of the room.

I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling until Alice knocked on my door.

"Its dinner time" Alice said before skipping out.

I was shocked because that meant I've been laying motionless in bed for a few hours.

I went downstairs and sat at my place at the table. My mind automatically smiled. Not only would the table be finally full but Bella would be sitting in front of me.

But I remembered that she would hate me.

"Bella!" Emmett called loudly. Twice.

She ran down the stairs red faced and with wide blue eyes.

"It's dinner time." Carlisle said taking his place at there head of the table.

Bella didn't make a move to step forward. "I'm not hungry" she said in a weak voice.

"You need to eat" Carlisle said back.

"No I don't." Bella responded in a testy voice.

"This is not up for debate." Carlisle said in a louder voice and I knew what was coming.

"Yes I know! You think you can just barge into my life and control me! Well it's not going to work like that. You are messing everything up!"

I was shocked by Bellas outburst.

"Bella!" Rosalie yelled before Carlisle could answer. She was a few feet in front of Bella.

Bellas eyes were turning to a darker blue. She was pissed.

"What are you going to do about it!" She yelled back at Rosalie.

"Don't test me! You are in my house. Don't forget that!"

The force of Bellas hand hitting Rosalies face was deafening. "I'm not here by choice! Don't forget that!" Bella yelled pushing Rosalie across the room.

"Bella!" Carlisle yelled getting up from the table.

I saw Bella jump back in fear before she ran out of the house.

The house fell deadly quiet. Rose was getting up. She had a nasty red hand print on her cheek. She got up and stormed up the stairs. Emmett followed quickly behind her. Esme slipped quietly out of the dining room as quietly as she slipped in. Carlisle was tugging at his hair just like I was.

"I'll go after her." Alice whispered, getting up from there table and leaving the house.

Jasper got up and went upstairs.

"I shouldn't have yelled at her." Carlisle said guiltily before going to find Esme.

I trudged up to my bedroom. For once I didn't want to be alone but I had no choice. 


	21. Swimming

Swimming

Bpov

I ran out of the house with no clue of where I was going. I ran straight into the woods for what felt like miles.

I couldn't help but notice the cold while I was running. The cold usually helped me clear my mind but it wasn't working today.

I ran until I hit what looked like a stream. I closed my eyes and blocked off my thoughts. I smiled a bit because my mom had taught me to do this. She believed in people who could read minds or see the future. But if that were true then she would have known not to-

I jumped into the water unable to handle those thoughts. The burst of cold completely cleared my mind. I was aware of my body and how I could feel the cold in my bones. My lungs started to burn in need of air. I pushed it not wanting to feel the cold air on my wet skin.

Alices Pov

I chased after Bella until her future disappeared. I searched For another 30 seconds before i panicked and ran to get Edward.

"She wasn't too far from the stream but it's too cold to go swimming or get in any water except the tub." I finished. Edward looked at me sadly before running out the house.

Epov

I ran deciding to start at the stream and backtrack.

"Bella!" I called as I got closer to the stream.

At the stream I got lucky. I saw her. What I saw scared me though.

Bella was next to the stream laying on the floor. Her usual pale skin was kind of blue. Her lips were a mix of purple and blue. She was soaking wet.

"Bella talk to me. Are you okay?" I said taking off my shirt and covering her small body.

Bella groaned and turned her head to me. Her eyes opened slightly when I picked her up.

"I don't want to go back." said weakly.

I couldn't help but notice how light Bella was. It couldn't be healthy.

"Don't fight me on this" I said as I ran home. "You're going to be so sick." I whispered as we walked in the house.

Sometime during the run home Bella had closed her eyes. I figured she was sleeping.

I told my parents we were back but left the living room before they could respond and went upstairs. 


	22. Running Away

Author's Note: I'm baaaaaacccckkkkkk! :D LOL Sorry I was on punishment. Ok like I said, I am picking up from the last chapter: Swimming.

EPOV:

I got in Bella's room and looked around.

"Bella" I whispered trying to wake her up. She groaned and opened her eyes.

She jumped a little before whispering in a hoarse voice. "Put me down."

I complied and pointed to the pajamas that apparently Alice left on Bella's bed for her. She looked at me suspiciously so I backed out the room. Before I closed the door I realized I forgot to pick up the razors.

*I want to talk to her in about an hour.*

"Carlisle wants to talk to you when you are done getting dressed. He will be up in about an hour so that you have time to shower and stuff." Bella didn't answer me but I figured she heard me.

I silently went to my room and thought about how I'd probably be up all night thinking.

BPOV:

I didn't answer Edward but listened as he walked away. A violent shiver passed through my body as I looked around. My phone was still by the floor, shattered. There was still a mess on my floor from in my book bag.

There were still at least 5 razors on the floor. I quickly ran to my door and locked it. It didn't matter though; Carlisle would get in when he wanted.

I went past the door out the room and to the second door, it was a huge closet. I closed it quickly and went to the last door. The last door led into a huge bathroom. Come to think of it, my room was huge. Was there anything normal sized in this house?

I stepped in the bathroom and looked around. There was a towel and rag folded neatly on the sink counter. Next to it was shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I opened the cabinet under the sink and saw extra shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I also saw shaving razors, shaving cream, pads, tampons, cleaning things, and a small broom and dustpan. I grabbed the broom and dustpan before walking back to my room.

I put the laptop and cable remote on the desk. Next, I cleaned up the mess I made on my floor and dumped it in the trash bag by the desk. Finally I grabbed the pajamas and my first aid kit from my bag and went in the bathroom.

In the first aid kit there were more razors, gauze, and gauze tape and I just smiled. Despite the fact that I hated Charlie and that he was in my stuff, he sure did come in handy with the razors and stuff. I pulled out gauze and tape before closing the kit and putting it under the sink.

I took a quick shower, realizing how tired I was. I dropped my clothes in the hamper before putting my stuff away and going back to the room. All of a sudden a knock on my door made me jump.

"Bella open the door please." Carlisle's voice said.

I backed away from the door panicking. He's here to punish me for hitting that Rosalie girl and for leaving without permission, and for locking the door.

"Bella!" He said louder banging on the door harder.

My breathing picked up and I ran to the closet. Without thinking, I curled into a ball on the floor, grabbing by hair.

Suddenly there was a loud bang and I covered my mouth to keep from screaming too loud. I grabbed my hair and started crying again. I don't even remember the last time I cried this much. I needed to get my emotions back under my control.

I heard my name being called several times but ignored it. In this time span I stopped crying and forced myself to detach from my more painful emotions like I usually did. The closet door slammed open and fear shot through me.

"Bella get up" Carlisle's voice commanded.

In my head something clicked and I followed his command. Just like Charlie. Without thinking I followed him into the room. When he stopped I silently stood in a corner facing him.

"Sit" He said pointing to the bed.

I already knew where this was going. I sat with my back on the headboard watching Carlisle as he sat not to far from me.

"Bella-"He started. I know he kept talking because his lips never stopped moving, but I wasn't listening. "Do you understand?" He said, breaking my deaf bubble.

I nodded, even though I was lying.

"Goodnight" He said, walking out of the room.

I waited a few hours until the entire house was quiet, put my first aid kit back into my bag, and snuck out of the room.

With nothing but the pajamas on my back, and my book bag, I snuck out the house. I had no idea where I was going because I couldn't start my truck without waking everyone up. But I would walk.

I had to go back home and find Charlie before he found me and killed everyone. It was like walking to meet up with death. I had no intentions on ever coming back. At least this would be easy.

A/N: R, R &S READ REVIEW & SUGGEST! 


	23. Changing Overnight

EPOV

I laid awake in my bed long after everyone had gone off to bed. At once point I heard creaking in the hallway, but I ignored it. The only two rooms on this floor were mine and Bella's room, and Bella was probably sleeping since she hadn't made a noise since Carlisle left her room.

I even smiled thinking back to when Emmett came to my room in the middle of the night claiming that the third floor was haunted and it was his job to warn me. I was only 7 and refused to sleep in my room for a week.

Sometime during the night I fell into a much needed sleep. I had a weird feeling in my stomach when I woke up. I pushed the blame onto the fact that it was 6:30 and I was up, on a Saturday.

I stayed in bed until 10:30, when I smelled breakfast. I got dressed then slipped downstairs and caught a seat at the breakfast bar next to Emmett and across from Alice.

There wasn't too much talking when Esme put our plates in front of us.

Emmett spoke the loudest before anyone started eating. "Where is Bella? She needs to eat. She doesn't eat. Ever." He said to us before yelling out "Bella! Bella its breakfast time!"

We all watched the stairs waiting for Bella to run down. After a few minutes Esme disappeared up the stairs, no doubt to find her newest daughter. We all knew how fast Esme grew to love her.

"Bella!" I hear Esme call multiple times. She continued calling her, running down stairs and out of the front door.

Naturally, being the fastest in the family, I was out the door before everyone else and following Esme.

"She is gone. So is all her stuff." She whispered.

Alice walked out next with Jasper right behind her.

"She is with a boy. I don't know how she got there but she's there. She's high... At least that's what it looks like... She called him Jacob. I think she's on that reservation."

I shook my head. Those reservation kids were no good. They did a lot of drugs and other stuff.

"We should go get her." I said to Esme.

Alice looked at me and said "theyre at the beach"

Esme and I got in Carlisle's car and drove to La Push beach. Sure enough there was a group of kids lounging around passing around a blunt. Once again I shook my head.

I looked around until I saw the blunt get passed to a girl. She was in a huge sweater, but that looked like all she had on. I looked harder and saw that it was Bella. A sniff from next to me told me that Esme saw too and was hurt.

Knowing Esme she probably found a way to blame herself for Bella's terrible behavior.

"Stay in the car, I'll get her." I said to Esme.

I got out of the car and walked to the group.

"Bella." I said when I reached her. She was still smoking and it took everything in me to keep calm.

"Edward" she said curtly taking another pull and passing the blunt.

She looked a mess. Her eyes were puffy, red, and half shut. I couldn't even see the color of her eyes so I could figure out her mood.

"You need to come home. Esme is waiting for us in the car, let's go." It wasn't a question. I grabbed her bag from the sand.

Everyone was looking at us in stoned confusion.

"I'm not ready to go." She said, picking up a bag of chips.

There was like 100 empty ones on the floor. Munchies much. I was glad to see Bella eating but not because she was high.

Someone passed her another blunt but I grabbed it before she put it to her lips.

"Let's go." I said angrily, throwing the blunt to the floor. If there was one thing I couldn't tolerate it was drugs.

"Whatever." She said rudely glaring at me.

She got up and walked towards one of the kids.

"Jake, " I barely heard her say because she was talking so quietly. I couldn't help but notice the bruises covering her bare legs.

I watched shocked as the sweater rose as she basically straddled Jake while she whispered in his ear. She changed literally over night.

Now I was furious. She put something in her pocket before she got off that Jake kid and then walked straight past me and to the car. Well more like stumbled. I briefly wondered if all she did was smoke.

Nothing was said during the ride home. The only sound was Esme's quiet sobbing.

I was beyond furious when we got to the house and I saw Bella's lazy grin. Esme opened the door and everyone came out.

Bella just stood by the car grinning like fool. For the first time in over 3 years, I blew up.

Author note Epov or Bpov? 


	24. Losing Control

Epov

For the first time in over 3 years, I blew up.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I screamed at Bella.

Slowly the smile slid from Bella's face and she turned to face me.

"What's wrong with me?" She said in a cold tone before laughing humorlessly. "You're the one flipping out and cursing."

"Like I don't have a reason? Look at you! THIS isn't you."

The sarcastic smile was replaced by a glare. "You don't know shit about me Edward."

I could tell I killed her high by the look in her eyes. Clear, unglazed, hateful.

"I know you don't act like this!" I screamed again, unable to cap my anger. "Doing drugs?" I stepped towards her. "Where are your clothes Bella!" Step. "Why were you on that boy like that?" Step "do you even know him." Step.

With every question I got angrier.

"You don't know what you're talking about! Shut up!" She screamed.

I was to angry to notice Carlisle come out the house and call me.

"YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A SLUT!"

Suddenly Bella slapped me across my face. Without thinking my body reacted. My arms shot out.

I gripped Bella by the top of her arms with most of my strength. "YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME!" I screamed to the top of my lungs in her face.

I've never seen so much fear in a persons eyes. I put that fear in her eyes. My words died in my throat.

I let Bella go before anyone got to me. I stared down at my hands.

I looked up. Carlisle was walking to me. Rose and Emmett were nowhere to be seen. Tears were streaming down Bella and Esme's eyes. Bella was holding her arms. Alice was sobbing and backing away from Jasper.

I did that...

Almost at the same time Bella and Alice spun and ran into the house.

In Carlisle's eyes I saw my father.

Author note:  
>Oh man Edward! I Had to get this chapter out. My fingers were itching to write it. I know it's short but...<br>Everything will make sense later. Next chapter. Edward or Bella 


	25. Paid a Visit

Authors note: I was suck and even though a whole bunch of people subscribed and favorited my story no one reviewed so I didn't know whose pov to do. But I'll try anyway. So here I go.

Bpov:  
>I spun and dashed into the house. I pushed myself as fast as I could upstairs and into my own room.<p>

I slammed the door, trying to get a grip on my shaking. He was going to hit me. I thought he was someone I could eventually trust. I was wrong.

*You're acting like a slut*

The words echoed in my head.

He doesn't know me. I told myself. But no matter how true that was, he was right. I was acting like a slut. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

I stood up in front of the body mirror hanging on the opposite side of my room from the door. I shook my head before pulling Jacobs sweater over my head.

I closed my eyes, afraid of what I would see. Especially since I was just in a black bra and panty set.

My hair hung loose around my shoulders. My eyes were puffy and red, my eye color was a dark angry blue. I looked away and to my lips. Slightly swollen from letting Jacob kiss me. It was a hot kiss, like Charlies, like he just wanted something. Something I wasn't going to give him. Finally the hand print on my face. My tears washed away the cover up. I let my eyes slide down and look at the dark bruises covering my collar bone. I looked down further. My arms were swollen from Edward grabbing me. Swollen right over the almost black bruises that Charlie loved to give me from throwing me around. Right at the top of my bra I could see the bruises Charlies fingers made. Bruises were also all over my stomach from various times. Some where yellow and basically gone, while others were dark and a few days old. On my arms all my scars and cuts were visible. Standing out proudly. My wrists were also bruised in hand prints. I flinched at the hand prints on my hips from when I came home from the Cullens and Charlie wanted what he thought I gave Edward. My legs were also splotched with bruises and welts. I could only imagine how bad my back looked.

I dropped to the floor and hid my face in my hands.

Suddenly I was walking into Charlies hou*Where the fuck where you? He screams. Why haven't you answered any of my calls. Suddenly he slapped me across my face. I flew backwards and back into the front door. I-I got sick at the-the Cullens house. I-I was told to stay. I c-can't disobey. You said so. In his eyes I see my eyes wide in fear. Did you fuck him like the little slut you are. Charlie barks out laughing. You deny me but give it to him you slut. Suddenly his hands jerked my shirt off and pushed me against the wall. Please. I cried. I didn't do it with him. I swear. Lier! He screams.

He couldn't take my pants off because I was standing. Take them off. He ordered. Taking a step back from me. In that split second I darted around him and up the stairs. I could hear his slow menacing footsteps outside my door when I locked it. He was enjoying the cat and mouse game. There was a loud bang on my door before it flew open. Charlie had an easy smile on his face and he told me to undress. From behind his back he pulled out a belt and a gag. This time he walked up to me and gagged me. I screamed as loud as I could when the belt whipped across my back. Undress. He ordered. I did as he said but it didn't stop him from beating me. Not before he was ready to have me in bed.*

I screamed as I felt the belt snap across my back. I looked up and Charlie was walking towards me. How did he get here?

I screamed again grabbing my hair and covering my ears.

Why was this happening? Did Carlisle finally tell Charlie he had to come get me? I wouldn't get out of this one alive.

How did he get here? I couldn't figure it out. He walked up to me with a menacing smile on his face.


	26. Hallucinating

Bpov:

"Bella" I heard Carlisle call right before he was in my face. I looked up but Charlie vanished. "Bella what happened?"

"Charlie. Charlie is here. You let him in." I choked out.

Carlisle reached out but I flinched backwards. I noticed that Carlisle didn't try to touch me again.

"Bella, Charlie isn't here."

"Don't lie to me!" I screamed, on the verge of a mental breakdown. Hot tears where running down my face when I got up.

I saw Carlisle's eyes run down my body. I tried to shrink away from his gaze.

"Bella," Carlisle said again trying to reach out to me. He touched my arm for a second before jerking it away from me. I jerked away in the same instance.

Carlisle walked towards me and I backed up into the hallway.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed terrified.

"Bella calm down."

I walked backwards and into a wall which flew open. I expected to fall to my death. From the third floor to outside. But I hit the floor faster than I expected.

"Bella? Dad?" A voice said that shook me.

Suddenly Edward was next to me. I jumped up and backed away from his unreadable expression. I backed straight into Carlisle.

"Please. Please don't." I moved and backed into a wall.

"Dad why isn't she dressed?"

I looked down and I saw still in a bra and panties. Now I was mortified and terrified.

"She was like that when I came in."

My vision started to swim, and I stumbled even though I wasn't moving.

"Bella" Carlisle screamed, oddly quiet.

Suddenly Charlie was in the corner a few feet away from me.

"D-dad." I said walking away from him without looking away. "Please."

"She hallucinating"

Suddenly from behind me a pair of hands grabbed my waist. I'm throat tightened and I couldn't breath.

"Edward don't."

Charlie reached out for me and I fell backwards, away from his hands. I hit something that made an oof sound before the tightening in my throat won and I passed out. 


	27. Hopeless

Bpov:

My body wasn't responding to my orders. I couldn't move. The only thing I could do was hear. Everyone once in a while I heard something.

"It must have been laced. That plus the stress caused her to hallucinate."

Another time I heard "dad did I do that to her arms?"

I ordered my hand to move and felt it twitch.

"She's waking up again" I heard the last time.

I peaked my eyes open and closed. I blinked until I was adjusted to the light.

"Hello Bella." Carlisle smiled lightly.

I pushed myself up slowly and looked around the room. Carlisle and Esme were by my bed, Edward was by the door, and Alice was... somewhere because I could have sworn I heard her.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked.

I felt uneasy with everyone watching me. Especially Edward.

"Perfect" I said almost truthfully. I was a little sore and light headed.

I wanted to smoke again. That just made everything easier.

"Well. Edward and I would like to speak to you, privately, if you don't mind." Carlisle said.

I automatically noticed that it wasn't really a question. It was just said to sound polite. I wasnt fooled. I nodded stiffly.

Esme smiled at me before leaving the room. Alice walked out my bathroom and glanced at me. I noticed how she flinched phased Edward.

"My own sister is scared of me." Edward said quietly as he closed my door.

I stood quiet and leaned back against my head board. I noticed that I started zoning out even before anyone started talking.

"Bella." Carlisle snapped, breaking the bubble. "You need to listen to me."

My heart was speeding. I nodded quickly but didn't open my mouth. I focused on the two men in my room.

Carlisle sat at the foot of my bed. I pushed myself harder into the headboard. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was still in a bra and panties.

"Bella, there are things that I will not tolerate in this house. You have to abide by the rules just like everyone else." Carlisle started.

As he spoke I got up and put Jacobs sweater back on. I stuck my hands in the pockets and felt the stuff. There was a baggy with weed, Like 6 wraps, a lighter, and two already rolled blunts.

"She's not even listening!" Edward yelled suddenly, scaring the shit out of me.

He was right though. I was too busy thinking about smoking.

"Yes I was!" I said hotly. I thought about it for a second before reminding myself that Edward is just another kid who goes to school with me. He just doesn't know how I am.

"I want it all Bella." Carlisles voice was drowned out by Edwards yelling.

Edwards face was red with anger, I didn't let that scare me. He wasn't Charlie. None of them were. None of then had control over me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said rude, but honestly.

I squirmed a little noticing that Edward was losing his temper again.

I walked to my bed and slid my feet in my sneakers. I was the closest one to the door.

"I want all the drugs and all the razors." I looked at my book bag, sitting by Edwards feet.

"Bella it would be easier for you to just give them up." Carlisle said softly.

"No" I said. I didn't care if Carlisle and Edward hit me.

"Alice said the bathroom is clear, your room is clear. Everything except your sweater and book bag." Edward said.

Edward walked towards me. I swallowed deeply.

"There are a lot of things Charlie taught me." I said causing Edward to pause halfway across my room.

I dashed around him and swung my book bag onto my back. Suddenly Edward had me pinned against the wall.

I swallowed back my fear. "Like this." I whispered.

With one hand, I wrapped my arm around Edwards neck and pulled him down slightly. I was shocked at the sweet burning I felt when our lips touched. But I focused on the motive. I slid my other hand in his shirt and rubbed across his abs. The kiss was heated and lustful and before I knew it Edward was pinned against the wall.

Ignoring Carlisle, I pulled away from Edward and turned towards the door.

"I can't believe you did that!" Carlisle screamed grabbing me right before I made it out the door.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed pushing against Carlisle.

Carlisle staggered back slightly.

"Isabella Swan! You will not put your hands on me!" Carlisle hollered.

Terrified isn't even a strong enough word to describe how scared I am as I run down the stairs. Especially because I heard someone running behind me. They are faster than me.

Someone caught me and I realized I wasn't making it back out this house.

I was basically carried back into my room and the door was closed. I spun and saw Edward.

"Don't" he said viciously.

My face burned bright red.

"FINE" I screamed.

I dropped to my knees and opened my book bag. I threw my first aid kit at Edwards feet and then grabbed all my loose razors and threw those too. Finally I emptied my pockets and threw those on the pile.

"You happy." I screamed. "Its not like I can't get more."

I got up from the floor and ran into my bathroom. I locked the door and crumbled to the floor. Loud, gut wrenching sobs broke out my throat.

"I hate you!" I screamed to no one and every one.

A/N: I want Bella to start getting better but Idk how to go about it... any suggestions? 


	28. Like Him?

A/N: I heard something I liked and something I had planned. Awesome. Oh I might be starting a new story. Maybe maybe maybe. Now on with the story.

Epov:

Bella's sobs seemed to echo through the room. This didn't feel right.

I walked towards the bathroom door.

"Son" Carlisle said, stopping me in mid-knock. "I think you should give her time."

"I can't just leave her in there crying Carlisle. It doesn't feel right."

"Right now you need to work on your temper. I've never seen you act like this. You're usually so good..." Carlisle trailed off, disappointment written all over his face.

I looked down, unable to face my father. He was right, I let my temper control me. I looked down at the mess Bella had thrown at my feet.

I bent down and picked up the first aid kit. I opened it and saw more razors as well as gauze and stuff.

I picked everything up from the floor and walked out the room. Without speaking I walked straight downstairs and into the kitchen where I dropped everything into the garbage. Esme was cooking dinner.

"Mom" I said quietly. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course sweetie." She covered a pot and sat on a stool, patting the one next to her.

I sat down but didn't look at her.

"Do you think I'm going to be like him?" I whispered. The last time we had this conversation I was 13... 4 years ago.

"You will never be like him Edward" of course she knew what I meant.

She leaned across the gap and kissed my cheek.

"She's going to forgive you. When she understands and gets better. Alice will forgive you too. Bring these to Bella for me please."

I knew Esme was right. She grabbed some folded up clothes and put them in my hands.

"And tell her we're going shopping tomorrow. And sweetie, go talk to Alice."

"Thanks mom." I said before leaving the kitchen and going back to Bellas room.

"Bella" I called knocking on the door. When she didn't answer I opened the door. "Bella" I called again, knocking on the bathroom door. I heard the shower running.

"Go away" she called back weakly.

"I'm putting your stuff on your bed and when you come out come down for dinner." I said figuring that she's going to be out around the time dinner finished cooking.

I didn't wait for her to answer because I knew she wouldn't. I closed the door behind me and ran down to the second floor.

I took a deep breath before knocking on Alice's door.

"Come in."

I opened the door and looked into Alices room.

"Can I talk to you?"

"I guess." She said sitting cross legged on her bed.

I sat at the foot of her bed and looked at her.

"You know I would never hurt you, right?" I said.

Alice may have been my twin but she was younger than me at heart, she always has been.

"You grabbed her... You looked like him." She said quietly.

I flinched back like she slapped me. "I'm sorry Ally. She was doing drugs like him. I wasn't thinking. You know I'm not like him Ally."

"You should start running again. It helped."

"I will." I said "I'll do anything to make sure I'll never be like him."

I got up and walked to the door.

"I forgive you Edward."

"Thanks Alice." I said without turning around.

A/N: just a short filler. There should be no questions, but if theyre are they will be answered later. Just figured we would get rid of the problem with Alice and set a path for where I'm going next. Just got my new laptop. Yay. 


	29. Calming

Epov:

At the dinner table I watched Bella push her food around for 15 minutes. Esme had already announced the shopping spree before Carlisle spoke up on Bellas lack of food intake. I really wish he wouldn't have.

"Bella you need to stop pushing your food around and eat it." He spoke lightly, but Bellas face contorted.

She lifted a spoon full of mashed potatoes into her mouth and swallowed it, so fast that I doubt she even tasted it.

"I'm full." She said quietly, after 3 or 4 small spoon fulls.

Emmett looked at her in shock. He ate the most in the house and Bella barely put a dent in her mashed potatoes.

"You haven't eaten nearly enough." Carlisle said.

"I feel sick." Bella retorted looking up at me for a split second before dropping her eyes to her plate.

I noticed the stormy blue shining out of her puffy eyes.

"Try Bella." Carlisle said, watching Bella worriedly. He knew how little she weighed and according to that, if she ate everyday it was only a plate of food. She did eat chips earlier to.

I saw the tears slide down her face as she forced more food into her system. When her plate was half empty she jumped up from the table, spun, and dashed up the stairs.

I finished eating a few minutes later and dumped Bellas and my own plate.

"Goodnight everyone" I said, retreating to my room.

I laid in bed for a few hours before I got up. I heard sobbing as I walked past Bellas room; there was a ache in my heart. I wish she wasn't in so much pain.

I tapped on her door quietly. When she didn't answer I figured she was sleeping and peeked in the room. I was right.

Bella was wrapped in her blanket and looked like she was struggling. She was tossing and turning. And she kept mumbling hysterically. "I'm sorry. Please. I'm sorry. Don't."

She is having a nightmare, I told myself, do something.

I walked besides Bellas bed. "Shhhhh, I wont let him hurt you anymore." I whispered, pushing her hair out of her face.

Slowly, Bella calmed down and her breathing slowed back down. I unwrapped her and covered her back up.

I backed out of the room, right before I got to the door she spoke again.

"Promise." It sounded like, for a second I thought she wake up. Luckily she hadn't.

"I promise." I whispered, closing the door behind me.

Bpov:

I got up from the table and ran to my room as fast as I could.

I leaned over the toilet bowl for a good 15 minutes, luckily nothing came out. There is a very small amount of things I hate more than puking.

I laid in my bed and let my emotions crash and drown me. Before I knew it I had sobbed myself to sleep.

Suddenly I was back in my room in Charlies house.

"Three days!" He screamed, storming into my room. "You had me in jail for 3 days because you couldn't keep your mouth closed!"

"I'm sorry!" I screamed. "Please don't! I'm sorry."

"Have something for you, you little slut." He said taking off his belt. "Undress and lay down."

"Don't!" I screamed.

Suddenly Edward walked into the room and straight past Charlie. His arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me close to his side.

"Shhhhh. I wont let him hurt to anymore." Edward whispered pulling me away from Charlie and out the room.

The dream started fading.

"Promise?" I called out to Edward.

"I promise" he said back quietly.

"Bella, sweetie, wake up."

Someone called, jerking me out of the first peaceful sleep I've had in a few years.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to over sleep." I said automatically.

"You didn't oversleep." Esme said kindly. "Its only 10 o'clock. I just figured you would want to shower and eat breakfast before we go shopping. We are probably going to be out all day."

I smiled up at Esme and thanked her. She was the only one in this house I trusted completely.

"Breakfast will be ready in about an hour." She said before leaving.

Great, I thought sarcasticly, another meal I'm going to be forced to eat.

In the bathroom I undressed and stared into the mirror. The bruises should be gone in a week our two. I think I was gaining weight too. Charlie would be disgusted if he saw that I was getting so fat.

In a few minutes after I got in the shower I heard Edwards voice in my room. I held my breath.

"Your clothes are on the be, Esme says breakfast will be ready soon."

I let my breath go when I was sure I was alone. I thought back to my dream as I showered and got dressed.

I forced myself to eat with the rest of the family, minus Carlisle.

Somehow I ended up in Edwards car with him, heading off to port Angeles behind everyone else.

"How did you sleep?" Edward asked while he drove.

I eyed him suspiciously. Suddenly he hit a bump and my stomach lurched forward.

"Pull over" I said gagging.

After a second he listened to me. I stumbled out of the car and straight into the grass by the woods.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Edward said quickly, running to my side.

I didn't throw up. I got up and looked over into the street as a cop car pulled over behind us.

I choked on the fear that suddenly gripped me. "That's Charlies car" I cried. "You promised." I said without thinking, I wasn't sure if he even heard me, thank goodness.

I closed the distance between Edward and I and hid my face in his chest, trying not to let my panic swallow me. I am 100 times less scared of Edward than I am of Charlie.

"Its everything OK?" The unfamiliar voice says.

"Yes sir, Bella here gets car sick." Edward said smoothly.

"Isabella?" The cop asked touching my back.

I yelped out of fear and pushed myself further into Edward, causing us both to almost fall. Edwards arms slid around my waist and held me to him.

"She's feeling really sick sir. We're going to meet our Foster mother at the mall, she has her medicine."

"OK, drive safe, and feel better." The cop said after a moment of hesitation. Soon I heard Charlies car start up and pull off.

"Are you okay?" Edward said loosening up his hold on me. There was a strange tone starting in on his voice.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly, moving out of his arms and back into the car.

In the mirror I saw Edward stand there for a second before getting back in the car and pulling back off.

The car was silent during the rest of the drive. 


	30. Shopping

**EPOV:**

The car ride to the mall was completely silent after the whole cop incident. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say. This would be so much easier if I could read Bella's mind.

I parked between Esme and Alice's car and met them at the front of the mall like we discussed.

"What took you guys so long?" Alice said impatiently as we walked up.

"I got sick, I'm sorry." Bella said before I could answer.

"That's okay Bella." Alice said happily. "Do you like shopping? I absolutely love shopping. You and Edward are going to come with me and Esme is going to shop alone. She says she has to pick up some stuff."

Alice was literally bouncing with excitement. Bella watched her apprehensively then me.

"Well come on." Alice said, motioning for us to follow her.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked as she walked up by her side.

"Well," Alice said happily. "We go back to school the day after tomorrow so we have to go clothes shopping for you. I've devoted the whole day only getting you things, unless I find a really cute pair of shoes." Alice laughed. Bella didn't talk. "Do you like music?" Alice asked trying to get Bella to trust her a little.

"Honestly, I love music. Music is my life." Bella smiled a little before it faltered. "Charlie hates music." She added quietly.

I stayed back to watch the interaction between my sister and Bella. If Bella chose to trust Alice it was a step in the right direction, I don't want to interfere.

"What about reading?" Alice asked.

"I used to read all the time."

"Okay then!" Alice says happily. "After we go clothes shopping we can go pick you up an iPod and then stop at Barnes and Noble."

"That isn't necessary." Bella says hesitantly.

"Of course it is. You're part of this family now Bella."

Bella chose not to answer but I knew she didn't believe her.

We went into Areopostal first.

"I'm assuming you are a small or an extra small." Alice says.

"I guess." Bella says following behind Alice.

Suddenly, Alice freezes. The stop causes Bella to bump into Alice and me into Bella. I felt like I was pulled into Alice's vision.

*Charlie pays his bail to await trial. He is in Bella's truck and driving to our house.

"Where is my daughter!" He screams. "BELLA!"

She runs down the stairs in tears. "I'm so sorry."

"I had to sit in that hell hole for 2 weeks because of you! Let's go, you are coming home now!"

I run down the stairs and tell her that she doesn't have to go with him.

"So are you fucking him you little slut!" He screams before smacking her.*

The vision stops abruptly.

"That's in a few days." Alice says quietly.

I look at Bella to assess her reaction to the sudden halt. Her pupils were dilated, which confused me.

Alice steps out of the store and calls Carlisle. He says that everything will be ready for us to go to Alaska in a day or two. Charlie would be showing up in 3 or 4 days.

"Let's finish shopping." Alice says calmly.

By the time we are out of the store Alice has bought herself a new sweat suit and Bella 20. Like expected I ended up carrying the bags.

I couldn't help but notice how oddly quiet Bella was.

The next store caused a small problem.

Alice had picked out an outfit for Bella in a size 2 because Bella said that was her size. However, when Bella came out of the dressing room she had the clothes in her arm and tears in her eyes.

"I don't understand how I gained weight." She said boarder line hysterical. "This is terrible. Charlie is going to be so angry with me."

"Bella, you should be at least a size 5, like me." Alice said. "You're only like a size 3."

"And I won't let Charlie anywhere near you." I added seriously.

"But he's coming isn't he?" Bella retorted, shocking the hell out of Alice and I.

"Try these on." Alice said quickly, handing Bella another outfit size 3. "Why did she say that?" Alice whispered when Bella was in the dressing room.

"I don't know." I answered.

"They fit." Bella said after a few minutes, walking out of the dressing room.

"Great!" Alice said happily.

We shopped for a few hours before everyone had bags in their hands. We headed back to my car and put all the bags in the trunk and back seat. Bella looked a little more at ease with Alice. She even smiled and laughed.

"We're going to head to the food court for a late lunch." Alice said easily.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was already 3:30.

"I'm not hungry." Bella said quietly.

"I'm starving!" Alice says. "And Carlisle says that we have to make sure you eat 3 times a day because you are too skinny."

Bella groaned but didn't protest. She had already learned not to try and deter Alice when it came up to shopping and spending money.

Bella fell asleep in the car on the drive home. I didn't blame her either. Alice ran us all over the mall after lunch. It was already 8:00 and Bella had been up since 10 and on her feet shopping since 12. Eight hours of nonstop shopping is exhausting for someone who weighs maybe 100 pounds.

We were home by 8:30. When I stopped the car in the driveway Bella jumped out of her sleep.

"We're home." I told her. When we walked in the house we were greeted by boxes piled on boxes and Emmett bringing a box down labeled "Rose's clothes."

"Hey Bella!" Emmett said loudly.

As if on cue everyone walked in except Rosalie.

"This is because of me isn't it?" Bella said sounding a little upset.

"Of course not Bella" Carlisle said easily, and not 100% truthfully.

"You're lying," Bella said angrily. "I hate liars! Someone told you about that weird thing that happened while we were at the mall."

I stared at Bella in disbelief. This meant that she did notice something at the mall and she knew more than she let on.

"How do you know about that?" I asked lightly so she didn't think I was upset with her.

"I don't know. I don't even know what _that_ was. But obviously you do." Bella said tartly. "I don't want to know."

With that Bella ran up the stairs. I faintly heard the door slam.


	31. Lie Detector

Bpov

I don't like strange! Especially not when it involves me or lies! So what did this mean? Is someone psychic, cause I damn sure am not!

I paced angrily back and forth, my previous fatigue was gone. I'm too angry to even think about laying down. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it.

I didn't understand why I couldn't control my temper lately. I saw a paper on my desk on top of the laptop when I passed it.

The paper read: I hope you know the laptop is yours. Signed Carlisle. I dropped the note and pulled the laptop off the desk. I dropped to the floor with it on my lap and turned it on.

On the Internet I went into Google and researched ways to control anger.

One of them said to go back on childhood memories. That worked until Renee started disappearing and ruining my life!

My anger went up 10 octaves.

The next one said to exercise, stretch, run, do something physical. I'll try that.

I ran down the stairs and into the living room. Everyone was in the living room and looked at me when I came in.

"I want to go for a run." I said before anyone could talk.

Esme looked at Edward and smiled. Carlisle looked at Esme worriedly.

"We have to be up early to get your things from school and then we have a long drive to Alaska and then we have to unpack. Plus, its late" Carlisle said, giving me a million excuses.

I could always tell when someone was lieing or avoiding something and this family did that to me a lot. I looked at him for a few seconds before I spoke.

"You don't trust me." I said it without thinking, it felt right.

"I never said-" Carlisle said quickly but I could see the lie written all over his face.

"You really shouldn't lie so much." I said clenching my teeth. I felt my eyes change color but I didn't understand why, they should already be black with anger.

I was searching for the truth in Carlisles eyes and surprisingly he didn't turn away. I did this to Charlie when my mother died and I didn't believe it was a normal crash. That was the first time he hit me. I said the samething to Carlisle.

"Why don't you tell the truth." I said angrily.

In Carlisles eyes I saw him getting a call at work saying I ran away. That was when I found Jacob. Then I saw myself kiss Edward and push him to get out the house. Last I saw myself close my eyes and slit my wrist. Pain exploded in his hands when he grabbed my wrists.

"Ouch" I said breaking the trance and pulling my hands back even though nothing had touched me.

My eyes started burning again and this time I started blinking excessively.

"You can't hold that against me." I whispered even though I was beyond confused.

I felt weak all of a sudden.

"I'm going to bed..." I said, trailing off at the end.

"What just happened?" Carlisle said suddenly.

I jumped back to protect myself.

"I don't know. I'm sorry." I said quickly. I was hyperventilating, would this be the first time Carlisle hit me too?

"You aren't in trouble calm down. Bella you have to calm down."

I was getting dizzy with fatigue and stress.

"Has that ever happened before?" Carlisle asked.

Carlisle caught me by my arms before I fell backwards. He jerked away from me when I was steady.

"That hurt." I said faintly.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Not me, you. It hurt you." I said seriously. "I'm tired."

I was to weak to pay attention to Carlisles reaction. What ever happened with Carlisle took away my energy.

"Come on" Edward said from behind me. "Let's get you to bed."

He put his hand on my lower back and pushed me forward lightly. I took a few steroids steps forward before the floor was coming to my face.

Someone, it had to be Edward, caught me before I hit the floor.

"I'm going to finish packing." He called over his shoulder, lifting me into his arms. "Let's get you to bed." He said to me, laughing quietly.

"Don't laugh at me, I'm tired and the floor attacked me." I said seriously.

"Of course it did Bella." Edward said, laughing. 


	32. Plans

**Author's Note: I was kind of at a lost with what to do next and decided to skip the moving scene because it had very few important parts. So I'm starting with everyone getting to the new house. =) Thanks to the people who are still with me. I want to start a new story.**

**Bella's POV**

It was ironic that I still ended up on the third floor with Edward. The house had the same layout as the old house but it was… bigger. Who really needed a house this big?

Edward was helping me bring my things upstairs. It was already 10 at night and I have been up since 6. To say I was tired is an understatement. I am ready to pass out. All of my stuff was in my room by 10:45. That was surprising considering that all I really have is clothes (so much clothes!), my books, and my laptop and iPod. Oh and my bathroom stuff.

"Let me help you bring your stuff up now. It's only fair." I said to Edward as we put down the last of my bags.

"You are tired." Edward said watching me.

I didn't say I wasn't because I was honestly exhausted. We walked up and down these steps like 30 times.

"I've been way more tired than this before." I said seriously.

"All the guys are leaving their things in the living room until tomorrow. Emmett got caught up helping Rosalie, Jasper with Alice, and Carlisle with Esme, and I with you." Edward chuckled. "It's fine."

I thought about it. Everyone helped their girlfriend and Edward helped me. I didn't voice my thoughts though. It would have been too strange.

"Carlisle wants you to eat a snack before you go to sleep." Edward said suddenly.

My hand made its way to my stomach unconsciously. I was gaining a lot of weight in the last few days that I've been with the Cullen's.

"Tell him I fell asleep. I'm too tired." I said quickly.

This eating 3 times a day every day is killing me. I'm already a whole size bigger and I'm just going to get fatter and fatter.

"You know that isn't going to work every day. Carlisle is a doctor, you are underweight. He is going to make you eat 3 times a day and a snack at least twice a day from now on. He wants you to be at least a size five, which isn't big at all."

"He wants me to be fat! I'm not going to keep eating all the time! It is disgusting!" I said angrily.

"Is Alice fat?"

"No," I said quietly. "But Charlie said that I shouldn't be over a size 3. A size five is huge for me."

"Charlie is a sick, twisted-"Edward started angrily before I cut him off.

"Charlie-"I started but was cut off before I could continue.

"Doesn't matter" Carlisle's voice cut in.

Edward and I spun to face Carlisle. I hadn't even realized we had been screaming.

"You need to gain weight Bella, point blank. The only way to gain weight is to eat. Now I'm not making you gain fattening weight. I'm not making you eat a bunch of chips and other junk food. But you have to eat to gain healthy weight."

"You can't force to me eat." I said angrily. I don't care; he was not going to make me get fat.

"Yes I can!" He said back. "You will not use anorexia as your way to be skinny! It is not healthy and you could die!"

"A welcome relief!" I screamed walking past Carlisle out of my room.

I got to the first floor when I heard "Bella!"

I jumped and turned around to see Emmett behind me. I stepped back to put a good amount of distance between us. I looked up at him suspiciously. He had a goofy grin on his face.

"I couldn't help but over hear your issue and I have a solution. You can exercise with me and Edward. I can teach you how to fight, professionally not angry at Jessica-ly." Emmett laughed. "That way you can get to know me better, have fun, and not get fat even though you are gaining weight. And Edward runs. He stopped running for a while but he's going to start again. You, once again, will be gaining muscle and not fat and it is a good way to express anger."

I listened to Emmett's little rant closely and laughed lightly.

"You put a lot of thought into that." I said teasing.

"Well yeah. Plus have you been in the basement? Come look!"

I followed Emmett into the basement suspicious again. Why exactly does he want me in the basement with him alone?

The basement was a huge open space.

"Esme said this is the laundry room." Emmett pointed to a closed door. "But the rest of this is open space. Now this is the way I see it-"

Emmett went around the basement and pointed spaces out talking excitedly. I quickly learned that Emmett liked to work out. He had plans for a lifting area, a mat for us to practice fighting on, a boxing area, and a bike/treadmill area.

"It's perfect. I already told Esme about it and she thinks it's a good idea."

"That sounds great Emmett." I said honestly.

This would be a place I could escape to when I was upset since I no longer had any razors.

"I do have to warn you though." Emmett said as we walked back upstairs. "You're probably going to get hurt. I'm really strong and you don't have good fighting techniques. Your fighting is fueled by anger which is never good. I don't want you to not trust me if you get hurt."

I thought about the pros and cons of the situation. I decided that the pros outweigh the cons.

"It's fine." I smiled.

Emmett had definitely put me in a better mood with all his big plans. I was looking forward to these lessons in fighting and it did sound like a good way to stay skinny.

I went back to my room and was glad that it was empty. I decided to let my fatigue win and went straight to bed. The last thing I thought was "I'm going to make my life better like other girls. I'll do whatever it takes."

**Author's Note: I decided to start Bella's recovery journey and decided that she should have help from the family as a whole. I think she deserves some happiness, don't you agree? Reviews? I noticed that no I don't need reviews but they really help motivate me to write more and the suggestions can be great!**


	33. Tanya

**Author's Note: I have been kind of caught up with my new story Lies to a Vampire, check it out. So I decided I needed to not neglect this story. I wasn't really sure where to start this chapter, so I'm winging it. Here we go…**

**Bella's POV**

We've been in Alaska for almost a week now. This is my last weekend of freedom before we go back to school on Monday. I am dreading starting at a new school. Carlisle had this long lecture with me about how I cannot fight everyone that makes me angry and how I have to control my anger to stay out of trouble. On the bright side, we only had to suffer two weeks of school before Spring break, and then a month left of school.

I haven't left my room to do anything but eat and help Edward with his stuff all week. I haven't been in the mood to deal with anyone. I felt like everyone was either lying to me or not telling me something and it was starting to bug me.

I sat on my bed, staring and the basically healed cuts on my arms. I've been doing this a lot lately. Either I'm in my bed laying down, staring at my arms, or locked in my head.

"Bella," Edward's voice called from outside my door. "Dinner is ready."

I pulled the sleeves down on my sweater and opened my door. Grudgingly, I trudged down the stairs. I still didn't get how someone could eat so much. My stomach was slowly getting used to it. I ate a little more every day and Carlisle seemed greatly happy about it.

Carlisle kept to Edward's promise. I ate breakfast, a snack, lunch, a snack, dinner, and ended the day with a glass of milk. The snacks were always small, to my delight. Sometimes something like crackers or cookies. Emmett ate a snack every time I ate a snack; to this I was silently grateful.

"Bella, I found something that definitely works and you should use it." Alice's voice chirped as she met me at the bottom of the steps. I looked at her questioning. "It is a lotion-type… I don't know exactly what to call it to give it pizazz." She used her favorite word, making me smile. "It's to make scars go away. I figured it would be good, you know, with summer coming up."

Alice sounded unsure at the end. I hugged Alice. "You're the best."

Summer had been my least favorite season since I started cutting. I had to wear a sweater every time I left the house to hide either the cuts of the scars.

Dinner passed smoothly, like usual. I sat across from Edward in my spot. As I sat down I realized that I was actually hungry even though I already ate twice. That couldn't be healthy. I decided the push my food around my plate instead of eat it.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a second?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded, hoping I was getting out of eating dinner.

"How come you aren't eating?" He asked gently as we sat on the couch.

"I ate a lot today and I'm hungry. That can't be healthy. I don't get hungry." All of this slipped from my mouth without my permission.

"That's good Bella. That means your body is getting on a healthy eating schedule like it should be. Your body is getting used to eating the three meals it's supposed to get so you're going to be hungry. It doesn't mean you are getting fat." Carlisle added the end after a pause.

"Would you tell me if I was getting fat?" I asked timidly, trying to instill trust in Carlisle.

"I promise." He said, smiling sweetly.

With that said we both went back to the table. I finished most of my food before I was full. Emmett had a smile on his because of this. He always tells me I don't eat enough and I'm too skinny. Every time I eat most of my food it makes him happier than it makes Carlisle.

After dinner, Alice gave me the magic lotion and told me that I should start using it tonight. I put it on my arms when I got out of the shower and was glad that it didn't stink like I thought it would. Actually the smell was pleasant.

****One week later****

_A week! One week of that stupid school! _I thought angrily, storming out of Alice's car and into the house.

There was a sickly sweet giggle somewhere behind me and I had to resist the urge to make gagging noises. _Tanya. _Even thinking the name made my stomach burn with hatred.

I didn't even fully understand why I was so angry with Edward going out with Tanya. If he wants her as his girlfriend than that's his choice.

_So then why are you so angry? _I thought to myself.

I believe everyone knew I was in a bad mood. Alice seemed to know something I didn't know and smiled knowingly at me.

"Bells, I have something to show you that might cheer you up." Emmett said as I walked in the house.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me forward and into the basement. I couldn't help the smile that lit up my face. The basement was set up the way Emmett had painted it in my head. I looked up and saw the smile on Emmett's face.

"Is this why you weren't in school today?" I laughed.

"Yup! Mom said I could surprise you." He said happily.

"So when can we start?" I asked eagerly.

"Tomorrow if you want."

"Deal!" I shouted happily.

"Oh, jasper asked if he could join us. He has really good fighting techniques he could teach you." Emmett said suddenly.

"That's okay, I guess." I said.

I decided I wouldn't freak out. I have to trust Emmett and Jasper just as much as Alice and Edward. The only person let was Rosalie.

_One step at a time,_ I told myself.

At dinner I learned that Tanya was eating with us.

"You can take my seat across from Edward," I said with forced sweetness. "I'm not very hungry."

Carlisle opened his mouth, but I left the dining room before he could say anything.

I went straight to bed in a terrible mood.


	34. Do you like her?

**Edward's POV**

I watched Bella leave the table in shock. She blatantly disregarded Carlisle's rule, knowing he wouldn't say anything to embarrass her in front of Tanya. I couldn't shake the look of anger I saw in her eyes when they passed me, even though there was a huge, sweet smile on her face. _Did I do something to upset her? _I thought.

_I don't buy the sweet act for a second. _The annoyance and anger in Tanya's thoughts surprised me. I didn't think she had an issue with Bella.

"She's just the nicest person I've ever met." Tanya said, smiling and sitting across from me. "It must be a pleasure living with her." Tanya's voice was exactly as planned, sweet and loving.

"She is" Esme smiled at Tanya bringing in everyone's food with Emmett's help.

Dinner was pleasant. We exchanged small talk and Tanya told Esme how great of a cook she was.

"I should be heading home now. I told my mom I would be in by 10 and it's already 9:15. It was a pleasure meeting everyone."

"I'll be back, Esme. I'm going to drop Tanya off home."

"Drive safe dear"

"Your family is great." Tanya said during the drive back.

There was Britney Spears music playing on the radio. Despite how quiet it was, it was giving me a headache. I hated this kind of music.

"Thanks. I think they like you" I said, trying to be polite.

Esme thought she was a sweet girl and so did Carlisle. Emmett thought she was too girly, of course. Alice blocked her thoughts from me. Jasper was monitoring Bella's emotions while she slept so he didn't pay much attention to her. Rosalie didn't like her, but I don't know why. She just didn't.

At Tanya's door she leaned in to kiss me. Swiftly I moved and kissed her on her cheek. We have only been going out for two days but she wanted to meet my parents. That was okay though.

"Goodnight Tanya"

"Goodnight" She said smiling.

_Why wouldn't he kiss me? _She thought as she walked into her house and I walked away.

I drove back to my house slowly, trying to think. Tanya wasn't really my type. She asked me all week if I would go out with her, and finally I said yes. I couldn't help it, I felt bad. She was practically begging. _Yeah but now either she's going to get hurt when you give up the charade or you're going to be unhappy in that forever Tanya's been thinking about._ I shivered involuntarily. We've been together for two days and she's already planned our entire life together.

I wasn't in the best mood when I got to the house. I felt guilty for even saying yes when I know she's just going to get hurt. I walked in the house and realized no one was on the first floor. I automatically assumed everyone had gone to bed even though it is only 10:30.

I went up to the third floor and saw that Bella's room door was closed. I couldn't resist the urge to peak in. Bella was curled up in her bed and her iPod was playing Linkin Park quietly. I smiled without thinking. I could listen to this, just for Bella.

I shut her door behind me and decided to get ready for bed. As I lay down I realized something. Everyone went to bed before 10:30, but it was Friday night.

Suddenly I heard Bella scream out. It wasn't a loud "I'm dying" scream, it was a worst nightmare ever scream. I got out of bed and went to her room. I peaked in and saw her sitting on her bed in tears. I also noticed that she was scratching her arms, and not an itch scratch. She was trying to hurt herself.

"Bella," I said going over to her bed. "Bella, stop scratching yourself. It was just a dream."

She shook her head, sobbing loudly.

_Shhhh. _I shushed quietly.

Out of nowhere Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and hid her face in the crook of my shoulder. Instinctively my arms wrapped around her waist and I pulled her fully against me.

"Please, don't leave me alone." She whispered against me.

"Never" I promised.

I lay in Bella's bed on my side, still holding her to me. Her arms went from around my neck to around my side and she put her face in my chest. She calmed down pretty quickly.

"Do you really like Tanya?" She asked suddenly.

"I don't think so" I whispered honestly.

A few minutes later Bella moved a little closer to me and fell asleep. I stood awake for a few minutes thinking. This felt so perfect, like this was how it was supposed to be. I smiled at the thought before I fell asleep.

**A/N: Please review. I update my other story more because it gets review more than this one. I know people read the story from the story alert emails I get, but it feels better to see the reviews…**


	35. Big Change

**Bella's POV**

I woke up with a strange sense of safety. I usually woke up on guard, but I was wrapped in a security blanket. I was engulfed in the warmth of Edward's arms, face half buried in his chest. I shifted my legs slightly, feeling the fabric of my jeans rub against itself.

_He didn't do anything._

The thought brought a smile to my face. I could truly trust Edward.

I thought back to Edward's confession. _I don't think so._ Those four words made a huge difference. He doesn't like Tanya, or at least he doesn't think so. Knowing the little bit I do about Edward that probably meant that he didn't. I don't know why I cared so much. Edward could do whatever he wants.

The weekend passed without incident. Edward and I didn't talk about him lying with me, it didn't seem to be a problem but we didn't sleep together that weekend again. Emmett and I didn't work out that weekend either. We had a lot of homework and I wanted to do it myself, not with the semi-genius family. Carlisle also decided to give me a checkup. I've been with the Cullens for about 3 weeks and I've gone from a size 2 to a size 3-4. Carlisle was immensely proud, saying that meant I was getting healthy.

In school I didn't have problems. I wasn't bothered by too many girls so I didn't fight. It was a new experience. A new start, just like Carlisle said it would be. Another thing that was new to me was all the attention I was getting from boys. They would flirt with me during class or in the halls. I never snapped on them, because 1) I didn't want to cause problems and 2) I liked the attention.

"Bella" A voice called as I walked through the halls.

I had gym last period again. I was starting to wonder if that was a rule. Put Bella in last period gym. I smiled slightly.

I stopped and leaned against a locker, letting Jordan catch up to me.

"Hey sexy" Jordan flirted.

"Hey sexy" I flirted back.

This was like a routine, I had quickly gotten used to this.

Jordan leaned over me, his face a few inches away from mine. My heart sped up quickly. He had done this Friday and we almost kissed.

"You know I like you right?" He whispered huskily.

His breath fanned across my face and I smelt double mint gum.

I smiled. Jordan had a reputation in this school. He was the guy every girl wanted to settle down with, but he didn't want to settle down with anyone. He liked knowing there were girls all around school that would easily spread their legs for him.

"I know what you want" I whispered, trying to be seductive. From the lustful look in Jordan's eyes it was working. "You don't have to lie to get it, you know"

I couldn't help but feel guilty because I knew that the only reason I was doing this was 1) Charlie would never allow me and 2) I wanted to have control over something I do. Something no one would ever find out.

I put my hand on his chest and licked my lips. He smiles back at me.

"Do you mean that?" He whispered, pressing against me.

I thought about the question for a second. I knew he was surprised that I wasn't acting as innocent as everyone thought I was. I nodded, looking up at him. I blocked my head again, remembering that Alice is physic.

Jordan smiled. "Let's go then" He said, grabbing my hand.

_No turning back now. _I thought as he pulled me through the halls.

My heart thumped loudly in my chest. I was beyond nervous now.

"Are you a virgin?" He asked as we got in his car.

I'm guessing we're doing this in his car. At least the windows are tinted.

"No" I whispered.

"Good"

I faintly heard the late bell ring for class.

"Where were you during gym?" Alice asked when we all got home.

"You should know" I said easily but feeling guilty. "I mean, you are physic."

"You hid your future from me" Alice said angrily.

I knew she hated when I did that to her, but it was better than lying. I shrugged my shoulders. Somehow I doubted anyone would be okay with what I did today, or understand. I mean, I didn't even understand after I had already done it.

_Maybe I'm crazy. And a slut._

Edward stormed in the house a few seconds later. His eyes held anger and hurt in them.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly. I haven't dealt with an angry Edward since he grabbed me.

"Oh nothing" His tone burned me, I flinched. "I spoke to Jordan afterschool today. He caught me by my car right after you and Alice left."

I felt the blood drain from my face.

"What does Jordan have to do with anything? He seems like a fine kid to me." Alice said, confused.

"He just wanted to ask if Bella and I were related by blood."

"Why does that matter?" Alice asked, more confused than before.

"Shut up" I said quickly.

"Why should I!" Edward yelled, infuriated.

Emmett and Rosalie walked in the house and I realized we were still basically in front of the doorway. We were barely in the house.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked, looking around. Esme must have been thinking the same thing because she ran down the stairs and repeated him.

"Shut up Edward! You should just mind your business!" I yelled. At this point Edward and I were a few feet apart and glaring at each other. "I didn't say shit about Tanya so don't you go saying-"

"Yeah Bella" Edward screamed, cutting me off, his face turning red in anger. "Well in case you didn't know, she's my girlfriend and I STILL didn't FUCK her!"

Edward's words seemed to slap me. Tears welled in my eyes.

"You aren't my boyfriend" I said, losing all the force in my voice. It was replaced with hurt than I didn't understand. "So shut up. And if you want to fuck her, then go ahead. No one is stopping you."

Edward was glaring holes into my eyes. "How could you do something like that Bella?" Edward asked angrily, but a little quieter.

"Wait, Bella did you…" Esme's voice trailed off.

Shame filled me, but my anger exploded. "Oh so we're playing snitch now?" I asked angrily, glaring back at Edward. "Okay. Yeah I fucked Jordan, for no reason, because I wanted to. I don't know! I did something slutty, but at least I'm not planning to hurt anyone." Shame filled Edward's eyes, but I felt the confusion around me. "Why don't we tell Esme how you don't like Tanya; how you probably never did? Let's tell her how you plan on hurting Tanya; how you always planned it. Damn, you don't feel so perfect now."

Esme gasped. I felt bad, I knew Esme blamed herself for not raising Edward right, she wouldn't understand that it wasn't her fault.

"An eye for an eye" I whispered to Edward maliciously.

Edward's eyes were flickering between hurt and anger. Then they flickered between hurt, guilt, and shame. He shook his head at me sadly.

"You're not hurting anyone but yourself." He whispered.

I knew he was right, and the tears finally spilled over.

"And me"

I turned away from Edward quickly, ignoring his last statement. I walked up the steps and heard him behind me. I knew he was going to his own room. We were both going to deal with the hurt we had somehow managed to inflict on each other.

Carlisle came home late that night. We had already eaten dinner. The dinner table had been oddly quiet, tense. I wondered if everyone was anticipating another blow up between Edward and me. There wasn't though. We didn't even look at each other. I was still wrapped in my thoughts and I was unbelievably sad.

At 9:00 someone knocked on my doors. I was lying in bed waiting for sleep to swallow me.

"Come in"

I looked up and saw Carlisle walk in and close the door. _Would this be the first time he hit me? _He sat on my bed a few inches away from me. _Or worse?…_

"Bella, honey…" Carlisle started off.

"I don't want to talk about it" I said, turning my back to him.

His hand touched my back softly, but I stiffened.

"We need to talk" He said softly.

His hand was still on my back, and I was unbelievably tense. My muscled seemed to be locked in defense. Panic was slowly edging its way into me.

"Only talk" I said quietly, my voice wavering in panic.

"Of course, Bella. What would you-" Carlisle stopped in midsentence. His hand disappeared. "Oh, Bella I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression. Please sit up so we can have a serious, much needed talk."

I sat up slowly, facing Carlisle, and leaning against my headboard.

"Okay Bella," Carlisle said quietly. "First of all, we need to get this thing out of your head. I'm not going to do anything to you. I'm not Charlie. I would never do anything to disrespect you in that way. I took on the responsibility of being your father figure; I would never do that to my daughter. I wouldn't hurt you"

I listened and watched Carlisle talk, he looked like he was going honest. I took in his words and tried to figure out if I believed him.

"The next thing is about what you did today. Esme told me." Carlisle paused and frowned. "I don't even know how to approach this subject or what to say."

"Then don't say anything." I said quietly.

"See I can't do that. I can't let you think that what you did was okay."

"It's my body, I wanted to, and you weren't even supposed to know about it. No one was. Edward needs to learn to stay out of people's heads." I said harshly.

"You know it isn't a choice"

"Well he could have just shut up! Why does it even matter to him?"

"You would have to talk to him about that" Carlisle said. "But back to the subject at matter. You can't possibly think what you did was okay."

"It was just sex, it's not a big deal, and people do it every day. Normal people. Why can't I be normal?"

"It's not about being normal Bella." Carlisle sighed.

"So what is it about?" I asked angrily.

"Bella what you did is not healthy, it's not okay, and it's not you!"

"Not me?" I laughed humorlessly. "I had already had sex before I moved in with you guys." I said angrily.

"You were raped, it doesn't count. What your father did to you wasn't okay! Do you understand that? He should not have taken it upon himself to take your virginity!" Carlisle was obviously angry.

"But he did! He didn't care about what was 'right or wrong'. You can't take it back! If he can do it, why can't someone else?"

Carlisle was quiet for a second. I wanted to slap myself. Why did I say that? I pushed myself further into my headboard.

"Is that what that was about Bella?" Carlisle asked, sadness seeping into his voice.

His eyes searched mine, with kindness and sadness. I dropped my eyes. Carlisle put his hand under my chin, making me look at him; but he didn't speak.

I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 9:30.

"I want to go to bed, goodnight."

Carlisle frowned and sighed. "Goodnight sweetheart."

My door closed a few seconds later and I lay down. Sadness swallowed me a few seconds later and sobs broke through my body. Why am I so sad?

**Edward's POV**

The next morning passed quickly. It was a quiet morning, something that didn't happen regularly. Actually, the quiet revolved around me and Bella. What happened yesterday was still hanging in the air and I had a feeling it would until we fixed things; Bella and me that is.

I watched Bella walk towards Alice's car and frowned. This morning she wouldn't be riding with me I guess. I noticed that she skipped breakfast, to Carlisle's displeasure. I also noticed that her eyes were a little puffy and blue; she cried herself to sleep. My frown deepened.

I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as Jordan. I automatically felt my anger flare. Did he know that Bella was only 16! He is turning 19 in a month, that's not okay. Alice parked next to Jordan's car as he got out. Bella stepped out and was facing him; she jumped in surprise making Jordan laugh.

I got out my car and walked towards Alice's car. Jordan and Bella were laughing at something. Suddenly I was consumed by a new emotion; jealousy. Bella and Jordan walked away as I caught up to Alice and Jasper.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked feeling my jealousy and anger.

I nodded curtly. Alice was blocking her thoughts from me by playing a Britney Spears song over and over in her head.

"What are you hiding from me?" I said angrily.

"Nothing" She said faking innocence.

Tanya walked up from behind me and slid her hands around my waist. "There you are baby" She said happily.

Alice cut her eyes at Tanya and walked away with Jasper, whispering angrily.

"Hey" I said lamely.

She slid her hand into mine and I held it weakly. Her mouth ran a mile a minute while I walked her to her first period class, I only had to hum every few minutes to make her think I was listening. The day passed slowly.

We were transitioning to our last period class when I saw Bella. She was leaned against someone's locker.

_I wonder how long they'll last._ Someone thought, there thoughts focused on Jordan who was making his way down the hallway in Bella's direction.

_No, no, no. _These were my own thoughts.

Without even thinking about it I was heading towards Bella, trying to get there before Jordan. And get there first, I did.

"Bella," I said quickly, putting my hand on the locker next to her.

I saw her face change, her eyes darkened and a frown appeared on her face.

"Please listen to me" I said quietly, trying to talk before Jordan got to us and broke it up; trying to claim what wasn't his. "I really don't want you to be with Jordan. I know you aren't his girlfriend, and you'll probably never be. Jordan just wants you for sex; you deserve someone better than him. Bella please" My words almost ran together.

She looked over my shoulder, but her eyes held doubt. I couldn't figure out who she was doubting, me or herself.

"Bella, please, I don't want to see you with him. Do you know how much it bothers me to know that you…" I trailed off, not wanting to go down that road.

Jordan's thoughts were getting louder; he was trying to figure out what was going on. He didn't want to lose Bella, not after how good she was. I clenched my fist quickly. He couldn't have Bella, she wasn't his. My decision was made in a split second.

My hand cupped Bella's cheek. I leaned down and our lips touched.


	36. Reactions

**Edward's POV**

There was a loud, collective gasp around me, but I didn't care. This moment was one of pure bliss. I felt Bella slide her arms around my neck and pull me towards her.

"Edward" A voice screeched from somewhere behind me.

I pulled away from Bella slowly. My lips tingled; I could still feel her lips against mine. Her hands were still locked around my neck, while my hands rested on her hips. I opened my eyes and met Bella's chocolate ones. There was a smile on our faces.

Suddenly someone grabbed my arm and yanked me backwards, breaking the trance. The surprise caused me to stumble back. I turned and saw that it was Tanya. There was a steady stream of tears sliding down her face. Guilt automatically consumed me.

"How could you?" She sobbed.

"Tanya, I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"How long has this been going on?" Tanya screamed.

I sputtered for a second, I was doing everything wrong.

_He can't have her!_

A thought shouted louder than the rest.

"Tanya, I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" She shouted.

I looked backwards, trying to find Bella. She looked back with wide eyes, as Jordan pulled her through the crowd.

"Tanya I never meant to hurt you." I said quietly.

Everyone was staring between me, Tanya, and Jordan pulling Bella away. Did we really cause that big of a scene? The tears continued down Tanya's face, causing her eye liner to run. I was stuck between trying to handle Tanya and following Bella.

"Tanya, can we talk at my house after school?" I asked. She didn't answer me, but her thoughts practically screamed yes. "I'll see you there" I said.

I spun and went in the direction Bella had disappeared from. The late bell rang and the halls cleared out quickly. There was no sign of Bella or Jordan. I groaned angrily and stormed to gym.

"Can you see her?" I asked Alice, walking behind her on the volley ball court.

She shook her head and hit the ball as it soared towards us.

"Is she hiding it?"

"I don't think so. It just doesn't seem like anything is happening."

I sighed and slid off of the court.

"Cullen!" The coach's voice boomed.

I turned and walked up to him at the same time as the rest of my family.

"I meant Edward" The coach sighed.

"You gotta be more specific." Emmett said laughing. The only reason he could get away with this was because he was the best football player in the school.

"Well while you're all here would you mind telling me where Isabella is? I haven't seen her in two days, is she okay?"

Everyone was quiet for a second, trying to think of an excuse to keep Bella out of trouble.

"She went home early, she wasn't feeling well. Bella doesn't like doctors so she just wanted to go home and lay down for a little while. I think she's getting the flu, our mother is taking care  
>of her so she doesn't have to go to the hospital." We were all surprised that it was Rosalie that spoke up. It was no secret that Rosalie didn't like Bella.<p>

Coach nodded. We all walked away, I narrowly avoided being lectured about the importance of being on time. I sat on the bleachers and waited for the bell to ring. When it rang I walked out  
>with my family.<p>

"Good luck" Alice said as I walked to my car and she went to her own. "Oh and wait a few before you leave"

Alice said swiftly before getting in her car and disappearing. It wasn't wise to argue with Alice. I looked and saw Tanya look at me before getting in her car. She would wait for me to pull out in front of her.

"Thanks for waiting for me" Bella's voice said meekly, making me jump.

I jumped and looked at her as she went around to the passenger's side.

"What happened to your lip?" I asked, noticing it was red and had a small cut on it.

Bella looked at me and smiled softly.

"I'll tell you later"

She sat in the car and I followed. The ride was quiet, except for the music playing softly. I thought back to when Bella showed interest in classical music and smiled. I glanced at Bella and saw her softly sucking on her cut bottom lip.

We got home after everyone else. Alice must have cleared out the living room for me; I'd have to thank her later. Tanya walked up to me and thought about grabbing my hand. I held my hands together in front of me to prevent it.

"Bella, do you want to talk with us? This does kind of involve you." I asked, looking towards her.

"No thanks" she said with a faraway look in her eyes.

I sighed and sat next to Tanya as Bella made her way upstairs.

"Emmett!" I heard her call disappearing on the second floor.

"So, Tanya" I started quietly. I didn't know what to say, so I went with that. "I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything" She whispered quietly. "Where's Esme?"

"She's shopping" I said without thinking about it. Esme texted me this morning about how she'd be home late and so would Carlisle. She left money on the counter for dinner.

"Good. Let's go to your room."

Tanya's thoughts were way in the gutter.

"Maybe we should stay down here" I said eyeing her.

"I like privacy" She said, moving close to me.

"Whoa Tanya" I said getting up from the couch. "Calm down. We are not having sex" I continued seriously.

"Why not? You don't even kiss me and we've been together for like a week! Are you sleeping with Bella? You kissed her with no problem, in front of everyone! Is she your real girlfriend? You  
>know she fucked Jordan right? She's a slut!"<p>

I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

"No I have not had sex with Bella, no she is not my girlfriend, and if she did or didn't it's none of your business. Not only that, she may have had sex with one boy and she's a slut? How many guys have you slept with?"

Tanya got up and looked at me angrily but didn't answer.

"It's over, in case you didn't know. Please leave."

Tanya looked at me angrily. I heard footsteps on the stairs, but didn't look away from Tanya.

"You can't do this, we belong together." She said through clenched teeth.

"No we don't. I didn't even really like you, I felt bad because you kept begging and begging!" I said, deciding to be honest.

I was surprised when I felt her slap me and for a moment I saw red. I raised my hand to slap her back but looked up. I saw the look of fear on Bella and Alice's face and Emmett walked down the stairs. I dropped my arm quickly, in shame.

"Tanya, get out now!" I yelled.

I looked at her just in time to see her spin and leave the room.

"Bro, calm down" Emmett said, speaking up first.

I looked up and saw that Alice looked calmer as she walked up the stairs and Bella looked at me warily. He bottom lip was still angry red around the cut.

"Bella what happened to your lip" I asked a little harsher than I meant to.

"Edward, go for a run and calm down" Emmett said seriously.

"Bella" I said, ignoring Emmett.

"Edward, you need to go!" Emmett said louder. "You're going to upset her" He said quietly so she couldn't hear. "You're going to make her scared of you again."

I knew Emmett was right from the look of fear that was making its way back into Bella's eyes. I spun and dashed out of the house. A run should do me good.

_**Author's Note: I tried to make it so you could actually see that these are seperate paragraphs. If you dont like this new spacing just tell me. Or if it didnt work =)**_

_**We have finally gotten rid of Tanya. I felt I should include her even though I REALLY don't like her! Plus I think she played a semi-important role. Now that obstacle is gone. I'm thinking about bringing the story to an end soon. At least Edward is getting better with anger management. I am thinking about revealing Edward's past in the next chapter. Reviews motivate me… Plus I would love to hear suggestions.**_


	37. Histories

**Bella's POV**

My lungs were burning.

"Keep going" Emmett's voice motivated. "You wanted to do this, don't give up"

I fell to my butt and slid off the treadmill. Emmett's laughter boomed from above me. I looked up pouting.

"You did pretty well for your first time"

I knew he was trying to make up for laughing at me.

"I'm dying" I said melodramatically, still panting.

Emmett laughed and reached down. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up. My legs burned and gave out from under me.

We both laughed as I hit the floor.

"See, my first day and you worked me to death!" I laughed. "My legs burn so bad I can't even get up"

"I don't see how a skinny girl can be so out of shape!"

I laughed again. My mother told me that all through middle school.

"Help me jerk"

"You only ran for, like 30 minutes"

I pouted, but couldn't help but laugh. It felt like I was running for hours! But one thing is for sure, it does feel good.

"I think in a few days we can start a schedule type thing, for the days that you want to exercise."

"That sounds good" I said, looking up from my spot on the floor.

I rubbed my legs, trying to sooth the throbbing and burning. Emmett's eyes were shining with held back laughter.

"Let's go upstairs" Emmett said. "We've been down here for an hour."

I was surprised that it had been so long. "I can't move my legs might detach from my body and run away." I pouted.

His laugh boomed loudly again as he clutched his stomach.

"I'm glad I amuse you" I said sarcastically, fighting back the urge to laugh.

"Okay, only because I don't want you to stay down here all night, come on."

I laughed as Emmett leaned down and scooped me into his arms like a baby. I leaned my head on his arm.

"I'm all sweaty" I said as we walked up the stairs.

"I'll take you up to your room, but then you're on your own."

I laughed. Emmett was really strong! He carried me up 3 flights of stairs without breaking a sweat!

"Oooowwww" I groaned when Emmett placed me on my feet at my door.

Emmett smiled and shook his head.

"A hot bath should sooth your muscles"

I nodded and slowly made my way in the room.

By seven I was out the shower and lying in bed, in pajamas. The fatigue from my work out session hit me hard when I lay in the tub. There was a knock on my door just as my eyes slipped closed. I groaned loudly and turned my back towards the door.

"Go away!"

"Bella come downstairs" Jasper's voice said from the other side of the door.

I didn't answer and heard the door open. I turned back and faced Jasper.

"Are you going to carry me?"

Jasper looked at me shocked and confused.

"If not then I'm not getting out of bed" I said seriously.

"Emmett told me you were probably sore" Jasper smiled. "But come on, they're going to get stiff and hurt more if you don't move and stretch. It might hurt, but it will feel good later. Alice thinks taking you shopping might help." Jasper laughed.

"No I'm good!"

I got to my feet and winced as my legs throbbed painfully. I walked 10 times slower than Jasper down the stairs. For the first time ever I wished my room was lower down.

"How do you feel?" Emmett asked as I walked into the living room.

"Despite my internally bruised legs, I'm good" I laughed. "So what's this about? It looks like an intervention." I said, gesturing to everyone in the living room.

Everyone laughed, even Rosalie.

"Carlisle is working late, and Esme got called to go meet a client."

"A client?" I asked, confused. I shifted my weight onto my other throbbing leg.

"Yeah, you didn't know Esme worked?" Alice asked.

"No. She's always home."

"She's a designer. She and her workers build houses. She built this house and the house in Forks, she owns her own business."

"Wow," Was all I could manage on the subject. "So what's this about, and where is Edward?"

"Right here" He said walking down the stairs. "And we have to decide what's for dinner"

"Was a family meeting necessary for that?" I laughed.

"Actually yes, you'll see why"

Everyone started to sit down. I sat on the floor in between Edward's legs and Emmett did the same to Rosalie.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" I asked, looking up at Edward.

He smiled and shook his head.

"Okay, Bella you can go first" Alice said. "What do you want to eat for dinner?"

"It doesn't matter"

"Well what would you like?" Alice laughed.

"Don't you already know?" I teased.

"No, you have to decide first" Alice laughed.

"Okay, umm pizza?" It sounded more like a question.

Alice wrote in the notebook that I never noticed.

"I want Chinese" Rosalie said.

"I want Mickey Ds" Alice.

"Pizza" Emmett.

"Mickey Ds" Edward

"Chinese" Jasper.

I laughed loudly.

"Wait, I change mine because I want a caramel frappe from Mc Donalds" I laughed.

"In the words of Hannah Montana, 'you can have the best of both worlds'" Emmett sang seriously.

I room erupted into laughter. I thought I was going to choke.

Alice calmed down first. "Okay Emmett. You, Jasper, and Edward are going to go. DON'T eat anything on the way! And remember how much you guys eat when we eat this stuff."

"Yes ma'am" Emmett saluted. The boys got up and disappeared out the door.

"This will be a sight you will laugh at" Alice said happily. "Expect the unexpected Bella that is the prep for you"

I was confused but said nothing, just smiled and nodded.

"Bella, I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted on your first day here. I wasn't very welcoming" Rosalie said surprising me.

"It's all water under the bridge now. I'm sorry for hitting you."

Rosalie smiled and made an 'It doesn't matter anymore' gesture with her hand.

We joked around and laughed until 8 when the door opened.

"So what exactly is the point of the meeting?" I asked. "It was really quick"

"We had to decide where we were getting food and it's usually 3 places"

I laughed as Alice, Rosalie, and I went to wash our hands. I couldn't help but gasp when I got back in the living room. Emmett laughed at my reaction.

On the middle of the coffee table there were 2 boxes of pizza. Next to the pizza on one side were about 5 boxes of Chinese food. On the other side of the pizza the table was littered with Mc Donalds burgers, fries, and drinks. It looked like there were 20 burgers.

"Are we having a party?" I asked seriously.

"No. When we were younger we learned that when the food got here everyone wanted something different than what they originally wanted. Especially Emmett! So we buy a lot of food. The only time any food went to waste was when Emmett and Rosalie caught the stomach flu" Alice laughed. "Don't let our sizes fool you, we eat A LOT!"

I laughed and shook my head as Emmett passed around plates.

Esme and Carlisle got home at 10. I was surprised that all of the food was finished! The garbage was in the two pizza boxes on the coffee table, our plates stacked next to it. Everyone was laid out somewhere in the living room. I was on the recliner dozing off.

"Kids, you guys should go to bed there's school tomorrow. I'll take care of the rest of the mess." Esme smiled warmly, quickly easing the guilt that was making its way into me.

"I'll help you" I said quietly.

"No worries sweet heart, I'll take care of it. You looked exhausted, get some rest." She said sweetly before addressing everyone. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight" We chorused.

Edward and I separated from everyone as we got to the second floor.

"Can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone" I asked Edward shyly.

"Sure" Edward smiled. "I'll be in there in a few"

In my room I brushed my teeth and washed my face quickly. I sat on my bed and thought about watching TV, and then I thought about going on my laptop. Edward knocked a few minutes after I decided not to do either.

"Antre" I said.

"You know it entre right?" Edward laughed as he walked in. "Antre sounds like the food name."

I laughed. "But antre sounds so much better"

"So you never told me what happened to your lip" Edward said sitting next to me on my bed.

"Okay, but don't over react" He nodded watching me. "Well Jordan and I got in an argument, after, you know…" I trailed off blushing. "And I said something that made him angry I guess. So he decided that slapping me in my mouth was appropriate so I punched him in his."

I smiled visualizing the look of shocked that had made its way onto Jordan's face. Did he not think I was going to defend myself?

"He hit you" Edward repeated, his voice tight.

Edward wasn't looking at me anymore. I ran my tongue over the tiny cut that was still there.

"Don't be upset" I said, making him look at me with a hand under his chin. "I've had worse"

"I know" He said looking at me sadly.

I threw myself back on my bed, lying down. Edward laid down facing me.

"How old were you when you came here?" I ask curiously, hoping he didn't mind.

"Alice and I were seven. Do you want to know the story?"

I nodded.

"Our parents did drugs, probably before we were even born. We learned to stick together early in life. Whenever our parents were sober they would argue. My dad would beat my mother almost every day. One day my parents got into a fight, I had just turned 7, and I tried to stop my father from hitting my mother because she looked like she was more hurt than usual. My father thought I was trying to be grown so he beat me the way he used to beat my mother. Alice got beat the next day because my father was sober for too long and she broke a glass. We went to school the day after that and never went back home. We were lucky the sent us straight here."

I watched Edward.

"I'm sorry you went through that."

"I'm always scared I'm going to be like him. When you first came and I just lost control of my temper. I really thought I was turning into him."

"You'll never be like him" I promise.

"I hope not" Edward said looking away from me again.

Once again I put my hand under his chin and made him look at me. "You won't"

We looked at each other for a few more seconds before his expression changed to one of worry and curiosity.

"Do you want to know my story?"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Edward said quickly. "I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or anything."

"It's okay. I'll tell you. Just give me a minute."

I laid back and stared up at the ceiling trying to slow my rapidly beating heart. What if I tell him and he thinks of me differently? I'd never told anyone this story before.

"It's long" I said quietly.

"I have time" Edward said in a reassuring voice.

"Okay" I sighed. "Unlike you and Alice, my life felt perfect. My mother, Renee, was very young. I'm more mature than she is. She loved inventing new things to eat and Charlie's maturity and need to keep her happy balanced out in home. Three years ago my mother started going out all of the time. Her excuses always changed. Charlie didn't completely mind, he just wanted to keep her happy. Then two years ago, not too long after my 15th birthday Renee dropped a bomb. She was cheating on Charlie with my real father. She needed to keep Charlie around for money though, and the other guy didn't know I was born. They got into an argument and Charlie left. When he came back he was drunk and told my mother to take me and leave, but I was already asleep and Renee to pick me up in the morning.

"There was a crash that made the news the next day. A car hit a tree and caught fire. There was a woman in the car, she died on impact. Charlie was barely able to identify her, but he did by the necklace she wore. He'd given it to her on her birthday the year they got married. Charlie never cried even though he claimed to love her so much, she didn't even have a funeral. And Charlie started drinking and picking arguments with me. One day I did to him what I did to Carlisle, it was an accident and I didn't even know what happened. But I watched him mess up my mother's breaks. And saw how angry he was when she didn't take me."

There were tears in my eyes but I didn't cry.

"That was the first time he hit me. He called me evil and beat me bloody. After that he hit me every time he was drinking and I made him even the slightest bit upset. He also taught me to cut myself to keep my mouth shut. It helped, just like he said it would. That went on until a few months ago, right after my 17th birthday. Charlie started looking at me differently and walking in when I wasn't dressed. He told me I was getting too big and if he was angry I wouldn't eat.

"The day before you came to the school he made me do… things, to make him happy. Then I got suspended. Charlie threw me around for a while and then left me to cook and clean. When he got home that day he decided to take things further. So he raped me, because it made him happy. And when Charlie's happy, everyone is happy…" The tears finally fell from my eyes.

"Then everything was back to normal, just with a new punishment. Then, the day that I went to your house for that project I didn't feel good because I hadn't eaten in like 2 weeks. And I didn't go home and Charlie was so angry. He said that I stayed because you and I were having sex. He had sex with me, and then beat me, and then he pushed me down the stairs. He said that I had better hope that I died before he came home… I passed out and woke up the next day in the hospital…"

I finally looked at Edward and he had tears in his eyes. "You were unconscious for about a week" He informed me.

I took the information in quietly and nodded.

"I'm so sorry you went through that"

I smiled and wiped my eyes clear of tears.

"It feels good getting that off my chest. I never told anyone about it." I turned and hid my face in his chest. "It's hard to deal with my thought some times."

"It'll get better" Edward promises, kissing my head. "Get some rest, love."

Did he just call me love?

He started humming quickly causing me to doze off. My phone vibrated twice, saying I had an email, before I finally fell asleep.

_**A/N: I was VERY pleased with my reviews for the last chapter so I tried to write a good, drama-less chapter. I felt we needed a break. I also thought it would be good to get into Edward's brain, become aware of Bella's past, and fix the Rosalie issue. But there will be a bomb in the next chapter. The more reviews I get, the faster I write.**_


	38. Phone Call

**Bella's POV**

I woke up to someone nudging me softly.

"Bella, love, wake up. It's time for school" The velvety voice said.

"No" I groaned.

"Come on, only 2 more days until Spring Break and then a month until Summer Vacation"

I cracked open my eyes and saw Edward leaning over me. I reached up and pulled him down over me.

"Just a few more minutes"

Edward laughed and sat back up. "Come on Bella. We have to get up."

"I will hold you down" I threatened sleepily.

He laughed again. _Fine, _I thought _I got you right now._

I sat up and threw myself on Edward quickly. We laughed as I landed on top of him on my bed.

"Five more minutes" I growled.

I blushed because my pajama shirt hiked up to mid-thigh and Edward's morning wood was pressed against me through his pants. But I didn't move, he was going to let me go back to sleep. I rested my head on his chest and felt his arms wrap around my waist.

_This feels perfect. _

"It does" Edward said.

I blushed; I did not mean to say that out loud.

I closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat. I couldn't help my eyes from slipping close. The steady rhythm was just so soothing. A few minutes later I turned my hips without thinking. I heard a deep groan.

"Okay Bella, we definitely need to get up now" Edward's voice said quietly.

"No"

"Its 6:45, we were supposed to get up 15 minutes ago. Plus, your phone has been vibrating crazy all night."

"It's my email, I heard it last night. Did it keep you up?"

"No"

"Okay"

I pushed myself up. I blushed when I realized I was basically straddling Edward. I looked at him and saw that he was biting the inside of his cheeks. The look of lust in his eyes was unmistakable though, I was turning him on by accident. I bit my lip and thought about getting off of Edward. I knew that's what I should do, but did I want to? Oh man, what right, or what I want?

"Bella, are you wearing… anything under your shirt?" Edward choked out suddenly, surprising me.

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

Edward's hands made their way to my waist and slipped under my shirt. His fingers hooked on the top on my panties and I caught on to what he meant. My face burned. Conflict suddenly passed through Edward's eyes, and I wished I knew what he was thinking.

"Okay" his voice said, deeper than usual. "We really have to get up." Strain was very evident in his voice.

I was surprised when his fingers unhooked from my panties and grabbed my waist. He lifted me easily as he sat up and put me down on the bed next to him. My emotions and thoughts spun so fast I thought I would get dizzy. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:15. One thing that was much known about me was my speed, or lack of, in the morning. At this rate we'd never make it to school on time.

"Crap" I almost shouted, jumping off my bed.

I don't even think my feet touched the floor.

"Owwww" I cried as my ass hit the floor.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked worriedly, by my side.

"No" I whined. "My legs are soo sore! I hate Emmett"

I saw the effort Edward was putting into not laughing. I cracked a smile before pushing Edward.

"It's not funny" I laughed.

Edward couldn't hold in his laughter anymore. We both laughed loudly.

"Can you carry me to the bathroom?"

"Of course" Edward laughed.

He scooped me up and walked me into my bathroom.

"I'll be back in a second" He promised, gently putting me on my feet.

My calves screamed in protest. I brushed my teeth quickly and was done a few seconds before Edward came back into the bathroom.

"Let's go downstairs so you can eat something" Edward said, once again scooping me into his arms.

I laughed the whole way down the stairs and had to remember to keep my legs crossed.

"What are you guys doing up already?" Esme asked as we got to the kitchen.

Edward and I looked at her in pure confusion. "School?" I asked as Edward put me down. I couldn't help but groan.

"Didn't you guys get the email?" Esme asked. "School is closed today, and probably tomorrow. They are expecting really bad storms starting in about 2 hours."

"We didn't check our emails" Edward said.

"You didn't notice that everyone was still asleep when you woke up?" Esme laughed.

"No, my thoughts were elsewhere"

My face flamed up again.

"I'm going back to bed" I announced, turning quickly. I yawned loudly to emphasize how 'tired' I was.

"Okay sweetie."

"Me too" I heard Edward say.

He followed my slug pace up to my room where I collapsed on my bed. Edward lay next to me.

"Can I sleep now?" I whispered.

"Yes you can" Edward laughed.

Edward's arm slung around my waist and pulled me to him. I breathed in his smelt and it was heavenly. He naturally smelt amazing. I tried to fall asleep but couldn't. I slid up until I was face to face with Edward.

"Why do your eyes change color?" I asked looking in his green eyes.

"They switch from hazel to green based on the weather. Hazel for good weather and green for stormy."

I smiled and nodded, that was cool, and I would prefer that over having my emotions on display.

"So it is going to storm" I concluded.

"It may not be as big of a storm as they assumed though"

"We'll see"

After a moment of silence Edward cupped my chin in his hand. "Promise me you'll stay away from Jordan" He said surprising me.

Thunder boomed loudly outside, causing me to jump and look towards my window. Lightning flashed lighting up my barely lit room. I slipped out of Edward's arm and walked up to my window. Thunder seemed to shake the house and lighting flashed again.

"The storm is close" I said dreamily. "Me and Renee used to storm watch, pretty easy in a place like Forks. She could tell how strong a storm would be. I never figured out how she did it, I only figured out how to tell how close a storm was."

The next bolt of lightning brought a sheet of rain down with it. The rain pounds against my window angrily.

"Bella" Edward said, sounding unsure.

"My mother used to think that the weather foreshadowed upcoming events. It rained the day after she crashed, it stormed. My mom believed in a lot of things actually. She believed in everything supernatural. I stopped believing in everything after she died. She said I was special and Charlie would smother my flame if we stayed forever. She said that a few days before she told Charlie about my real dad. I still don't know what she means.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked spinning me towards him.

He wiped away the tears that I hadn't even realized started to fall. I shook my head trying to clear it.

"Sorry" I said quietly, wiping my face fiercely.

I stepped out of his hold again and walked into my bathroom briskly. I couldn't even explain what just happened. Everything I said was true, but I couldn't explain why it just hit me. It's not like it hasn't rained since Renee died, it rains almost 24/7 in Forks. The weather doesn't stop for my mother. My thoughts were spinning when I left the bathroom. I didn't stop to explain to Edward my sudden change in mood. I went into my closet and got a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Back in the bathroom I changed and put my hair into a high pony tail.

"Bella, your phone is ringing." I went out the bathroom, ignoring Edward's questioning glance.

I slid my sneakers on and then answered my phone.

"Hello"

"Hello, is this Isabella Swan?" A man said.

"Umm, yes, who's this?"

"This is Doctor Adams from Forks Hospital. It took a great deal to get in contact with you. This is in regards to your father."

My breath caught in my throat.

"Ms. Swan?"

"How did you get my number?" I said in a shaky voice.

"Well your father was our chief of police; it's pretty easy to track his daughter without his help." The doctor said seriously. "Now I understand that you live with Esme and Carlisle Cullen"

"Yes, do they know about this call?"

"No, but if you would like I could call them"

"No" I said quickly. "How did you get my number?"

"Well when your father gave us your email we had the detectives see if any numbers were connected to the email and we found you. I've emailed you numerous times in the last few hours."

"What is this about?" I said sharply. "I want nothing to do with him"

"Well, you're his next in kin since the tragedy of his wife's death. Despite the allegations you are the next to take care of him when you come of age. If I'm not mistaken that's in a few months. Well he's in the hospital and needs someone."

"And what makes you think I want to be the one!" I yelled.

"Ms. Swan I'd prefer if we spoke in person. Spring Break starts soon, can I expect you in soon?"

"I don't make promises" I said harshly, hanging up.

"What was that about Bella?" Edward asked, watching me warily.

"My father is in the hospital, I'm his next in kin." I said emotionlessly.

I spun and walked out of my room as fast as I could, ignoring the protest in my legs.

"Wait, Bella" Edward called.

I stopped in front of the front door. Esme and Jasper walked into the hallway.

"No Edward. There is nothing to talk about. I don't care, if you don't believe me ask Jasper."

"Bella, if that was true-" He started softly.

"It is true" I screamed, cutting him off. "I don't want to talk about it so why don't you just drop it. I. Do. Not. Care."

I spun and opened the door. Outside looked angry; dark, loud, windy, and wet. I ran out into the rain, barely closing the door fully. I ran half blindly, into the woods my legs burned automatically but it felt good. The pain was slowly getting rid of the numbness that came with that phone call. I ran until I felt like I would throw up. The pain in my legs had hit 10 times what it started as, but it still wasn't enough. I was still numb emotionally.

I walked to the house slowly. It was raining so hard it felt like someone had me under a garden hose, just pouring water on me. If I wasn't so numb I'm pretty sure I'd be shivering. I walked into the house dripping wet.

"I was so worried about you" Esme said running to me.

I just looked at her.

"Go upstairs and get dried so you don't risk getting sicker than you probably already will be"

I took off my sneakers and walked upstairs slowly. As I passed the second floor I heard Jasper's voice 'Edward she's home. Don't leave her alone, at all Edward. She is really-" I didn't hear the rest because I'd already passed and was on my way to my room. I tried to push my anger forth, but it didn't work.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked from behind me as I walked into my room.

I turned and looked at him. I wish I could explain to him how NOT okay I was, but I can't so I nodded.

"You should go change" He said, clearly not believing me.

I grabbed a sweat suit and walked into the bathroom. I locked the door quietly and sat on the floor.

_You know how to get rid of this feeling; you just need to find something. You have to have something. Where is the back up? _My thoughts were pushing me.

I leaned forward and opened my cabinets.

_Backup, backup, backup. _I searched through the cabinet for the extra razor I had. The one I took out of my locker in Forks the day we left. I never had a strong enough desire to use it to remember I even had it. _I won't use it. _I promise myself. _Holding it will be enough._

My fingers ran across the cool metal I knew to be my razor. I pulled it out and pushed everything back into the cabinet. I pushed the blade out of the razor and stared at it.

_Why does he have to come back and haunt me? Can't he just leave me alone? Can't he let me at least try and be happy? Where is the anger, or the sadness, anything but nothing!_

But it wasn't working. I blew out all the breath in my body, all you can do is gasp if there is no air in your lungs. I placed the blade at the top of my forearm, right before the bend. Without thinking I closed my eyes and pushed the blade deep into my skin. My eyes filled with tears and my lungs burned with lack of air. I yanked my hand and watched the small slit turn into a bloody cut. The pain caused me to gasp, just like I planned. Pain radiated from my arm through my body. But at least I wasn't numb anymore.

Blood was running into my palm.

"Bella open the door" Jasper said frantically.

I didn't answer; he would leave me alone eventually. Blood dripped off my fingertips onto the while tile floor. There was a loud bang but I didn't look up. Someone kneeled next to me and I looked up to see Jasper's worried but calm expression.

"Bella, it'll be okay. I promise you'll get through everything you're going through." He whispered gently.

I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. He wasn't yelling at me. I don't think he understands how much that means to me.

My arm stung, I looked down to see Jasper rubbing a clear cream on it; there was a first aid kit open next to him. At least the bleeding slowed. He wrapped my arm slowly. There was sadness in his eyes when he looked at me.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, I swear" I whispered looking at the door and seeing Edward's angry and hurt expression.

His mouth opened but Jasper spoke before him. "I know you weren't Bella. You should go lay down for a little while."

I nodded and got up, doing exactly as he said. Tears started flowing freely as I changed in my closet. I decided a sweat suit was perfect since it was long sleeve, comfortable, and I was now unbelievably cold. I was quietly sobbing by the time I made it to my bed. Maybe I preferred the numbness over the sadness that had suddenly swallowed me.

"You can't be mad at her" I heard Jasper say quietly.

"Jasper she's trying to kill herself. You said not to leave her alone and I did, if you weren't here she'd probably be bleeding to death right now."

"You don't know if she is trying to kill herself and you can't blame yourself. Being angry isn't going to help her."

"It got her to stop before" Edward said seriously. "And how many people do you know cut themselves with the intention of living?"

"No, you got her to hide a razor blade from you. It's right here. Now I'm not saying to tell her she should, I'm telling you to make her see she can talk to someone when she needs to, and if it's not going to be you then I'll do it. You can't force her to stop. A lot of people that cut themselves don't feel suicidal."

"But we already know Bella is suicidal" Edward said angrily.

"No, we know that she felt suicidal before. If she wanted to kill herself she would have slit her wrist. She cut her forearm"

"That doesn't make it okay!"

"You will never understand because you never dealt with it. You didn't cut yourself and neither did Alice. You are being completely one-sided and that isn't going to help anyone Edward. It's just going to make everything harder for most of us."

I shook with the force of my sobs mixed with how cold I was.

"Come get me when you wake up" Jasper whispered to me as he covered me.

"Does Esme know?" I whispered.

I couldn't help the guilt. This was going to hurt her. I didn't want to hurt Esme. My selfishness hurts everyone.

"No one knows but Edward, Alice, and I"

"Don't tell her" I begged through my sobs. "If she has to know, I want to tell her"

"Okay, now try and get some rest. I know you're tired."

I nodded. I heard Jasper leave the room talking to Edward quietly. I cried myself to sleep.

_**A/N: OMG my longest chapter. Poor Bella. Edward is just so difficult at times. I already started writing the nest chapter so the reviews will tell when the next chapter is updated. I don't regret the decision to put Charlie back into the story, I mean he can't just disappear. More Reviews/Faster Update. **_


	39. Big, Sudden Changes

**Bella's POV**

I woke up and almost rolled off my bed. Didn't Edward stay with me last night? There was an annoying pain in my arm. I pulled the sleeve of my sweater up and looked at my arm. I saw the gauze, slightly stained red. I remembered. Charlie was in the hospital. Running. Numb. Razor. Edward was angry. Jasper….

I got up and saw that it was 1 in the afternoon. _Well I can't stay in here forever. _I crawled out of my bed and pulled my sleeve back down.

I walked down the stairs slowly. I hope Esme doesn't get mad at me.

"Esme" I whispered walking into the kitchen and seeing her at the island with Carlisle. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course sweet heart"

"Do you want me to give you two some privacy?" Carlisle asked looking at me.

"You don't have to; Esme is going to tell you anyway"

Both expressions turned into worry quickly.

"When I came back inside… I…" I stuttered not knowing what to say.

I settled for rolling up my sleeve. Esme's eyes filled with tears and Carlisle frowned.

"Jasper cleaned it for me." I said guiltily. "He told me to go talk to him"

"That's a great idea" Esme smiled blinking back tears.

"It is" Carlisle confirmed. "Jasper can be very understanding and help you"

"Can I eat first?" I whispered hoping they wouldn't say no because I did something wrong.

"Of course" Esme said.

She told me to sit down and made me a sub and poured me a glass of Kool-Aid. I ate quickly, not even realizing how hungry I was until I started eating.

"Are you full?" Carlisle asked.

I nodded honestly. I walked up to the second floor and took a wild guess to which door belonged to Alice and Jasper. I was shaking in fear by the time the door opened. Alice's face appeared with a smile.

"Hey Bella" She chirped. "Jasper is sitting on the bed waiting for you" She finished skipping out of the room.

I stepped in warily and looked at Jasper who was sitting on the bed, just like Alice promised.

"Come in Bella, you have nothing to be scared of, I won't hurt you." Jasper promises.

I walk fully into the room and close the door behind me. Jasper gestured to the bed and I shook my head fiercely bringing tears to my eyes. This is my first time alone with Jasper.

"You can sit at the little couch" He said softly, gesturing to the one person sofa.

I sat down and Jasper sat in front of me on the part where feet go. I haven't seen one of these sofa's in forever. Most chairs are recliners but this one had the foot rest separately. I looked out the window and into the pouring rain. That's why they shut school down; it didn't look like the rain had any intention of slowing down. It would flood at this rate.

"I want you to understand that you can talk to me and I won't tell anyone what you say. Edward might monitor my thoughts to see what you are saying though."

"Well _Edward _should mind his business" I said angrily.

"Well according to his emotions he doesn't hear us. That's strange… But anyway, you can trust me."

I didn't answer automatically as I looked back out the window. How much could I really trust him?

"What will it take for you to believe me?" He said calmly.

"Renee used to tell me that if I couldn't trust anyone else I could trust her and Charlie." I said seriously, looking at Jasper.

I tried to push away the emotions that came with saying things like that. Honesty hurt. I'd rather be numb and feel things on my own.

"Bella" Jasper said suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I need you to focus on your emotions, not numb them. I want to help you to be able to deal with them."

I didn't answer. I had to remind myself that Jasper was an emotion reader; I couldn't really lie to him now could I?

"I don't want to deal with my emotions sometimes Jasper." I said seriously. I looked back out the window. "Do you know how hard it is to deal with not knowing why you feel a certain way sometimes? I feel like I'm drowning sometimes, like I can't breathe or feel and my razor is like my float. I know that this is probably about that. If not now then it will be eventually."

"Okay, I'm not going to lie to you. I do want to touch on why you cut yourself and I do want you to stop, but this isn't going to be all about that."

"He told me it would help. He did it for me for about a week and then I did it myself. I wanted to stop but why stop something that is helping you?" I whispered.

"'He' being…" Jasper trailed off.

"Charlie"

"He taught you to cut yourself?"

"Out of everything he told me after Renee died this was one of the things he was right about. Now that I really think about it he was right about more things than I give him credit for." Tears filled my eyes.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my face.

"It's okay to cry" Jasper whispered.

"Crying shows weakness. People bathe in others weakness. If you show someone you are weak then they will take advantage of it."

"Only the weak think like that. Did Charlie teach you that too?"

"He showed me how important it is to keep men happy, no matter the cost. He was right about that too. That's why Edward grabbed me when I made him angry."

"No Bella. Edward has things that he has to deal with too. That doesn't mean you have to keep him happy. He can deal with anger without being physical. If you end up with someone who can't do that then you shouldn't be together. You deserve to be happy Bella."

"No"

"Why wouldn't you deserve to be happy?"

"Because I ruined my parents' marriage by being born. Because they weren't ready to get married but had to because of me. Because I was born to the wrong man. I was supposed to leave with my mother the day she died. I didn't stop Charlie from killing her. Because everything Jasper!"

"Bella none of that is your fault and pretty sure nothing else that you think is actually your fault." Jasper paused. "You blame your father for your mother's death? Didn't she die in a car accident that made the news?"

"He did something to her brakes. He cut something." I whispered trying to control my emotions. "She didn't have a funeral and he didn't even cry. He said he loved her so much but he didn't shed a tear. He yelled at me for not leaving with her and then he yelled at me for crying. He said it was my fault for being born and he was right. They could have lived happily. They weren't ready for a baby"

"Bella you can't blame yourself for being born. If it was a mistake then it was their mistake, not yours."

I shook my head and wiped my face. I decided to go look out the window. I watched as the lightning flashed angrily. The storm didn't seem even half way done.

"I don't think I want to talk anymore" I mumbled, hoping it was an option.

"Bella promise me that if you need someone to talk to you will find me. No matter what."

I nodded. I didn't have anyone I could run and talk to after my mother died.

"Bella" Jasper called.

I turned to look at him. In his hand he held my razor. He reached it out and I grabbed it warily.

"I'll know if you feel like you need to use it and I'll know if you do use it. Please don't. I need to know that you really know you can talk to me when you feel the need to cut yourself. I can't force you to stop and I'm not really enabling you. This is yours and I don't have the right to take it from you. Please Bella, please, come to me if you feel the urge."

"Thank you" I whispered. I went straight upstairs and hid the razor back in my cabinet.

"Kids can we talk to you all" Carlisle called about an hour later.

I left my room quickly and went to meet everyone in the living room. I hoped whatever this was about would be quick. I wanted to be alone.

"Edward" Carlisle called as I sat in the recliner.

Edward jogged down the stairs but didn't speak. I wanted to cut myself again. I hadn't done it in so long and now that I had I wanted to do it again. Maybe I should talk to Jasper.

_You just did, are you going to start annoying him again, already?_

No.

"We wanted to know if you guys would be okay on your own for a while" Carlisle said.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Well I got called for a case in Arizona and Esme also has a new client in Arizona" Carlisle clarified. "We'd be gone for about a week."

"Oh" I said simply.

"So is everyone okay with this, we'd have to leave tonight even though it's raining" Carlisle continued.

Everyone's 'yeah' drowned out my 'don't care'.

"Bella?" Esme said.

"I said yeah. I'm okay with it."

Esme smiled.

"Good. Well chili is on the stove and should be ready before we leave."

I decided this was a perfect time to disappear back into my room. I sat on my bed and tried to go through my thoughts. What was making me so sad? It wasn't Charlie being in the hospital because I couldn't care less about that. But that is what set it off isn't it? I want to scream.

I ate when I was called down for dinner. I smiled the entire time we said by to Carlisle and Esme, just to keep them happy. However, when the door closed behind them my smile broke. I didn't have to pretend anymore, there was no one here to bother me.

"Come sit in the living room with us" Jasper suggested looking at me with worried eyes.

"Let me go grab my cell phone first. It seems to be going crazy lately." I smiled softly.

I went upstairs and grabbed my cell phone. Downstairs I sat back on the recliner. Rosalie and Edward where sitting on the 3 seater, Alice and Jasper were in the love seat and Emmett was on the floor setting up his x-box.

"Bella play me in a few rounds of Modern Warfare 3." Emmett said.

"Modern Ware-fare?" I asked confused.

"You don't know what MW3 is? Oh I have to teach you!"

I sat on the floor next to Emmett.

Emmett beat me for the first three rounds. Fourth round came and I beat him by 3 kills. Everyone laughed at his reaction. He was angry, sad, and in denial.

"Let's play online then. Watch how many times you die!" Emmett laughed with a playful pout.

He was right I died 20 times but got over 30 kills, 10 of which were Emmett! Everyone was laughing while we played, even Edward. This definitely lifted my mood. My phone started ringing loudly. I lie in a bush and grab my phone.

_Unknown Number_

"Hello"

"Ms. Swan" A man's voice questioned.

"Let me guess. This is Doctor Adams again" I said angrily.

"Yes. It's been a few hours and I expected to hear from you since this is about your father's health."

"What is wrong with him" I said emotionlessly.

"Well Ms. Swan, as I said I would prefer to speak to you in person"

"Tell me or I'm hanging up again"

I looked up and saw everyone's eyes on me.

"Well Isabella"

"It's Bella" I cut off.

"Okay, Bella… Well your father has liver cancer from an alcohol problem he has. He also has testicular cancer."

"Cancer" I repeated. "So he's going to die" I said in a dead voice.

"He may, but it is not certain. We can keep him on chemo but it may not work. Can I expect you soon?"

"Why would you expect something so ludicrous?" I said bitterly.

"Well I told you that you are his next in kin and he said someone named Renee wouldn't want you to leave him alone during his time of need."

"No he didn't" I said in a tight voice.

"Yes ma'am he did. He said out of all the things you have done, Renee would disapprove of this one the most"

Tears sprung to my eyes out of guilt and anger.

"I'll be there in a day or so" I said through clenched teeth, hanging up the phone.

"What the hell Bella! You aren't going anywhere!" Edward yelled. "Especially not there!"

I looked at Edward's angry face.

"Okay" I said calmly, walking away.

In my room I threw a bunch of outfits into a duffel bag. Next I threw in a bunch of toiletries and important things from my dresser. I searched recklessly for my car key. I would finally use my new car. My black Volvo should be next to Edward's silver Volvo in the garage. My thoughts were already blocked from Alice so that was one less worry. I changed into a pair of jeans, a short sleeve shirt, and a loose black sweater before slipping on socks and sneakers.

I snuck down the stairs as the thunder boomed. I had barely gotten off of the stairs when Edward walked into the hallway. His face turned bright red in anger and lightning flashed in his eyes.

"What the fuck!" He screamed.

I flinched back slightly.

"I told you, you are not going!" He demanded angrily. "Why do you care if the shit bag of a man dies?"

The question was obviously rhetorical. Edward grabbed my duffle bag roughly.

"Edward stop" I begged in fear.

I yanked the duffle bag back.

"He's my father. The doctor said I'm the one lined up to take care of him. That's what Renee would want."

"Why are you being so naïve! He's using Renee to drag you back! Don't be stupid!"

I don't think I have ever seen Edward so angry and honestly it was terrifying.

"I'm going to come back" I whispered trying to calm him down.

"With more razors and another drug problem!" Edward questioned.

Edward was in my face when Alice walked into the hallway.

"Edward," I said as calmly as I could. "If you hit me I will never forgive you"

Edward calmed down slowly. "Don't leave me to go take care of him. He doesn't even deserve that much from you Bella."

Tears burned my eyes.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, dashing out the house before he could stop me.

I could barely see through the tears and the rain as I drove down the practically empty street. My GPS said I'd be there by tomorrow around 3.

_Renee would want this. _I chanted.

Music kept me going until I saw the sign.

**Welcome to Forks**

**Population 2,000**

_**A/N: I decided not to hold this chapter. But I did start the next chapter and I WILL hold that chapter. Thanks to Ta1ia because she/he was the one who reviewed and often reviews my chapters before other people. Two or Three times before this. So thanks. I'm only holding the next chapter because I'm not sure if people are still reading the story… Review.**_


	40. Back in Forks

_**A/N: Okay so my glasses broke and, no joke, I'm practically blind without them. Like I'm right in front of my laptop and I can't see my laptop screen without squinting. In Georgia glasses take over a month to come in. Bright side? I'm on summer break and will hopefully have new glasses or contacts by August. Bad thing? Until then I will have a blind summer… **_

**Bella's POV**

I drove slowly after the sign. I thought about what Edward said.

Was I being stupid? If I don't care about what happens to Charlie, why am I going back? Will he let me leave this time? Will I get back home to Edward like I promised? Did Charlie bring Renee up because he knew it would get to me? Was this a trap?

All these questions!

I drove to the hospital, parked and went in.

"I need to see Doctor Adams" I told the lady at the front desk.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Just call him and tell him Bella Swan is here, he should be expecting me" I said sharply, glaring at her until she picked up the phone.

My eyes burned with the after effects of my nonstop crying. A man in a white lab coat came out and called me. I looked up at him and hesitated before following him through the hallway.

"I'm Doctor Adams, I'm glad you were able to make it."

I nodded.

"Would you like to see your father? He has expressed the desire to go home for two days then he has to come back for his next chemo treatment."

I nodded again, numbing myself. Doctor Adams led me into a room where Charlie sat up on a hospital bed. He was fully dressed and waiting to leave.

"Bella" he whispered.

I looked at him and noticed differences. He had less hair and looked a little pale, maybe even gray. He looked sicker than before, but not sick enough to be rendered defenseless.

I didn't say anything for a while.

"Are you ready to go?" I said in a tight voice.

Charlie smiled and got up.

"Make sure he's back Sunday by 5pm"

I nodded while Charlie and Adams shook hands. We walked out the hospital in silence. I had nothing to say.

"Where is your truck?" Charlie asked as we walked to the parking lot.

"Don't have it anymore" I said quietly.

I led him to my car. The drive was quiet, music didn't even play. I parked in the driveway. It looked weird without the police cruiser in it, but they probably took it from him. I grabbed my duffel bag while Charlie unlocked the house and disappeared into it. I walked to the house slowly, unsure if I wanted to do this anymore. The sight of the house alone put fear into my heart. Inside I closed the door against the rain. It was picking up power again.

"So how long has it been? A month, a month and a half, maybe two months." Charlie said walking out the kitchen with a beer in his hand.

His voice was too soft. His hand reached up and cupped my cheek. Anger flashed in his eyes briefly. I'm pretty sure fear flashed in my eyes because Charlie smiled evilly.

"I hope they haven't made you feel like you don't have to abide by my rules anymore. I would _hate _to have to reteach you"

"Even dying you haven't changed" I said quietly. "Only difference is you don't need liquor to be evil"

Charlie's palm connected with my face violently. I stumbled back and hit the door with tears in my eyes.

"I have to go back home you know. All you did was make a physical mark on me of your abuse" My voice was stronger than I felt.

"You are home bitch" Charlie said angrily. "And you have a lot of making up to do."

"You shouldn't be drinking, that's just going to make your cancer worse" I said looking at the beer and standing up straight.

"Shut up" He spit.

"Dad I came back to take care of you" I said quietly, reaching for the beer in his hand.

"I'm not your father!" He yelled furiously. He dropped the beer, causing it to shatter, and pushed me back into the wall violently. "I told you about addressing me like that! I'll show you!" He said menacingly.

Tears fell from my eyes as he grabbed a fist full of my hair. He yanked me up the stairs and into his room. I fell onto my behind with a sob. The door slammed and locked behind Charlie. _I've only been here for about an hour, I_ thought bitterly.

"Now this looks a little better" Charlie said as he glared at me.

He walks up to me and reaches out.

"You've gained weight" He comments violently taking off my sweater.

"Charlie stop" I say seriously, trying to stop it before it was too late.

He pulls me up, causing me to whimper. I'm going to bruise so badly. Charlie's hands slide up my shirt.

"Stop" I almost yell, pushing him away from me.

He was now beyond furious, I could see it.

"How dare you?" He cried angrily. His fist connected with my chest forcing all the air out of my lungs. I crumbled to the floor, choking and sobbing.

My hands were yanked from my chest. I felt something cold on them and looked up in confusion. The handcuffs locked my hands together in front of me, the tightness of them was sure to draw blood. I looked up at Charlie in pure disbelief. I'm pretty sure I was actually shaking in fear at this point.

"Fight back now bitch!" Charlie demanded aiming a kick at my side.

I screamed from the impact. I let the Cullens pamper me too much. My body wasn't used to this anymore. I was trying to detach from my body; it wasn't working. I screamed with every blow Charlie aimed at me.

"Beg me to stop Isabella" He screamed. "Beg for your life"

And I thought about begging, but I knew it would be no use. He would just get pleasure from my begging, he wasn't going to stop. I had crossed a line by fighting back. I was almost curled up. My arms and legs were shielding my face, but everywhere else was open to Charlie.

Eventually Charlie stopped hitting me. I had started to have black spots in my vision. I was actually hoping I would black out, but of course not. Why would I have that type of luck or relief?

"Show me what you've probably showed all the Cullen boys" Charlie ordered in a gruff voice.

He reached down and threw me onto his bed. I thought I would drown in my tears. The pain I'm feeling has consumed me and I just wanted to sleep. I still struggled against Charlie; he was not getting my clothes off.

"Oh, look at this" Charlie said suddenly.

He pulled my hands causing both my arms to stretch out. It wasn't hard to guess that he was talking about the gauze that still wrapped up my latest cut. His weight disappeared off the bed for a minute. I opened my eyes in time to see Charlie sit back down with a razor in his hand.

"Please don't" I broke my no begging rule.

Charlie smiled as he cut the gauze off.

"Please. Please don't" I choked.

If there was one thing I didn't do, it was reopen cuts less than a day after I get them. Charlie knew that it was a new level of pain. Opening a wound as it tried to start healing; it causes a sickening amount of pain. I can't deal with any more pain.

The razor tip touch against the scab and pushed in slowly at first. I cried out loudly. Suddenly the razor pushed deep into the cut, completely reopening it. I screamed to the top of my lungs. There was a loud bang suddenly and for a second I thought Charlie had somehow managed to shoot me. He jumped off the bed and I fell backwards onto the bed. I couldn't stop my fall and hit my head on the head board. My vision swam and I think I blacked out for a second or two.

I opened my eyes and saw a blurry guy.

"Leave me alone" I cried. "Please, please, please"

"Her arm is bleeding and so are her wrists. She has cuffs on" The familiar voice said.

"I'm sorry" I yelled when I felt the hands at my wrists.

My vision was trying to clear up, but it was taking too long. I felt the cuffs break free of my wrists and was momentarily relieved to be rid of one pain.

"I need a first aid kit" A voice boomed.

I jumped in fear and screamed.

"Calm down" another familiar voice said gently.

I blinked rapidly and only needed to see through my tears.

Jasper was on the bed with a first aid kit. I stared in confusion. When did Jasper get here? He wrapped up my wrists tightly. I watched as he butterfly stitched my arm and then wrapped it up. I was trying hard to calm myself.

"Isabella get over here now!" Charlie screamed.

I jumped and turned to the direction of his voice. He was being held by Emmett behind Edward.

"You don't have to go" Jasper soothed.

"Like hell she does" Charlie yelled. "NOW!"

"Bella don't" Edward yelled, trying to catch my attention, as I got to my feet.

"Who are you more afraid of me or him?" Charlie asked angrily.

I walked towards Charlie slowly. I was still shaking in fear and pain.

"Bella he's just scaring you. He can't hurt you if we are here." Emmett said, still holding Charlie.

"You are here to take care of me." Charlie reminded me. "You know what that entitles"

"You sick bastard" Edward growled.

I looked at him quickly. His rage plus Charlie's had me beyond terrified. I stumbled back in shock from a sickening crack. Charlie punched Edward in his mouth. Edward fought back quickly, causing Charlie to stumble back into Emmett.

"Stop" I screamed.

"I want you all out of my house!" Charlie yelled. "Bella go wait for me in your room."

"We don't leave without Bella" Rosalie said from the door.

"Rose don't antagonize him" I say quietly.

"Do you get pleasure knowing the girl you raised is terrified of you?" Rosalie continued angrily.

"I came back to take care of you" I whispered, catching everyone's attention. "You're practically on your death bed. How dare you even speak my mother's name after you killed her?"

"You're lying" Charlie yelled.

"I'm not lying!" I yelled back. "But I don't have proof. What, you can't even admit it in front of a bunch of teenagers? You're a lying, abusive, raping, murder!"

For a second Charlie broke out of Emmett's hold, but Edward got him before me got me. I stumbled back and slammed into Jasper. A spasm of pain shook my body. I couldn't help but cry out quietly.

"I'm sorry" Jasper whispered.

"I hate you Charlie" I whispered, walking past everyone.

I walked slowly towards my bedroom. Rosalie followed behind me.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was full of worry.

"I need a minute" I said quietly, slipping into the bathroom and shutting the door.

The bathroom hadn't changed since I left. I grabbed my cover up and hid the red handprint that was forming on my face. Hopefully no one noticed it and no one would. I rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found the four full bottles of Dextropropoxyphene. I popped two pills in my mouth and swallowed it with tap water. 118 pills left, I should be fine by then, but until then I have pills. I hid the bottles in my hands and ran to my room.

"Give me a second Rose"

I yanked on a loose sweater and hid the bottles in my pockets. Somehow I didn't think the Cullens would approve of me taking pills that didn't belong to me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked Rosalie.

"Downstairs waiting for you. Charlie is in his room, he won't bother you because Alice threatened to call the cops."

I picked my phone up from the floor by the front door.

"Doctor Adams" I said to his voicemail. "This is Bella Swan. I just called to inform you that I will be leaving again. An emergency came up back home with the Cullens and I have to go. Charlie knows when to return. Please do not call me again."

My voice slurred slightly at the end, the pills must be kicking in. Some pain pills make me tired, maybe this one was one of them.

I looked into the living room and saw everyone but Edward.

"Edward" I called out worriedly.

My body was already numbing, making moving easier.

"He needs a second"

"Where is he?" I asked seriously.

"You can see him when we get home" Alice said quietly.

I spun angrily away from everyone, but that didn't work as planned. I got dizzy too fast and stumbled dangerously.

"I'll drive Bella's car. Ally, you should go with Edward and Rose I think Em needs you." Jasper said.

I grabbed my duffel bag and slid the pill bottles into it before Jasper grabbed the bag from me.

"Come on, you must be exhausted" Jasper said gently.

The drive started quiet. My clothes were burning my skin despite the meds.

"Promise not to look at me" I said quietly.

"I promise"

I grabbed a sweat suit out of my duffel bag and changed in the front seat. It was awkward and painful, but I got the job done.

"Wait" I said urgently before we got out of Forks. "Can we get pizza?"

I was suddenly starving. I felt like my stomach was trying to make Jasper hear it.

"Sure"

We went to the nearest Dominoes.

"What kind of pizza do you like?" I asked Jasper.

"Extra Cheese" Jasper laughed as we made it to the drive thru.

"How can I help you?" A lady's voice said.

"Hi" I said loudly. "Can I get a large extra cheese, a large pepperoni, and cheesy bread?"

"Any drinks" The lady asked.

"A 20 ounce Mountain Dew and-"

"A 20 ounce Pepsi" Jasper finished.

The lady read my order back and told me the price. 10 minutes later we were on the highway.

"Are you going to eat an entire pie?" Jasper said with a voice full of doubt.

"I'm starving" I said sleepily.

Jasper and I ate while Jasper drove. I only had one slice of pizza left by the time I was full and dozing off.

"You were really hungry" Jasper laughed.

I nibbled on my last slice of pizza sleepily. Was it the pills that made me that hungry?

"I'm sorry I was stupid" I whispered.

"You weren't stupid. Get some rest Bella" Jasper said calmly with a small smile.

Jasper plugged in my iPod and the music soothed me straight to sleep.

_**A/N: So I did something very ghetto. I taped the break in my glasses so that I don't go blind before I get my new glasses. I can't write if I can't see.**_

_**I was VERY happy with my reviews for the previous chapter! I hope no one is upset for the direction this chapter took. But I'll make up for it in the next chapter, or at least I'll try really hard to! I already started writing so review and expect a faster update. **_


	41. Pills

**Bella's POV**

When I woke up it was pitch black outside, aside from the scattered headlights and street lights on the high way. I stayed quiet for a long time.

"How did you guys get to me so fast?" I asked quietly.

"We left about 15 minutes after you. Edward insisted, he said he knew something would go wrong. He knew you would get hurt. We would have gotten there sooner, but we weren't speeding because it was still raining. Alice saw your future fade away, so we rushed to you."

"Oh" I was quiet again, thinking. "Do you want me to drive?" I asked, he looked a little tired.

"No, we will be there in a few hours, I'm fine"

"Okay," Thinking, thinking, thinking. "Is Edward really mad at me?"

Jasper hesitated. "He is just upset at what he saw and wished that you would have stayed home like he said."

"Oh" was all I managed to say.

My eyes swam with tears, but I was tired of crying so I held them back. My body had begun to throb again. The medicine was wearing off slowly. My body throbbed, my brain throbbed, and I just wanted to sleep. I started to reach for my duffel bag but stopped abruptly, Jasper wouldn't approve of me taking pills any more than Edward. How about I just don't tell anyone, yeah that sounds good.

We were the first to pull up to the house. I grabbed my keys from the duffel bag while Jasper parked. As soon as the car stopped I grabbed my bag and ran out the car and straight into my room. I locked the door quickly.

"Bella" Jasper called worriedly from outside my door.

I grabbed the pill bottles, took out two pills, and hid the three bottles under my pillow. I opened the door with the pills hidden in my fist. Tears finally escaped my eyes as I looked at Jasper's worried face.

"I'm fine" I whispered.

I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I washed the meds down with a tall glass of Kool-Aid.

I locked myself in my room for two days after that. Edward wasn't ready to talk to me, so I wasn't ready to talk to anyone else. The pills helped though, no pain, anywhere. They made me feel better.

**Edward's POV**

"Bella's acting weird" I said to Jasper seriously. "I'm getting worried. Carlisle and Esme come back in three days. I don't know if we were right to not call them when Bella left. She doesn't leave her room to do anything but eat."

"Why haven't you talked to her about this?" Jasper asks, giving me his undivided attention. I swear he'd be a fantastic psychiatrist.

"I don't know" I said honestly.

"Maybe you can pull her out of her 'weird'-ness" Jasper said, adding air quotes around 'weird'.

I look at Jasper full of doubt. "She doesn't listen to me. If she did we wouldn't be having this problem."

"Edward this may be hard for you to understand but, whether you like it or not, Bella sees Charlie as a father figure. She hasn't got over her mother's death so she would do anything she thinks her mother would approve of. She feels obligated to take care of her father in his time of need. It's something that you have to learn to deal with. You need to learn Bella, and learn to deal with Bella. Flaws and all. It'll get worse before it gets better."

I thought about it for a second before nodding. "Thanks"

Upstairs I heard Bella's iPod change songs, it was a rock song. I was about to knock until I heard it.

_This world will never be  
>What I expected<br>And if I don't belong  
>Who would have guessed it<br>I will not leave alone  
>Everything that I own<br>To make you feel like it's not too late  
>It's never too late<em>

Bella's voice was a little louder than the man singing his song. I was shocked, Bella could sing! I listened to the words of the song closely. The song is convincing someone not to commit suicide. And I listened, to her sing the entire song. I was speechless by the time she was done.

I waited until the next song started before I knocked.

"Bella, can I come in?" I asked over the music.

"Sure" I heard as the music was turned down.

In the room I saw Bella sitting on the floor. She was leaning against the foot of her bed, knees pulled up to her chest. Her iPod was playing rock music from the dock on her desk. I noticed that even though her eyes were watching me, they seemed unfocused and a little glazed over.

"I heard you singing" I said quietly, closing the door and sitting on the floor in front of her. "I didn't know you could sing"

Her face turned red. "I took lessons when I was younger." She said.

She looked away from me for a second then looked back.

"What time is it?" Her eyes drifted around the room again.

"Its 5" I told her. "Are you looking for something?"

She looked back at me quickly. "No"

"Bella are you alright?" I asked when her eyes wandered again.

"Depends on what the definition of 'alright' is" She said seriously. For the first time since she started talking to me she didn't look at me when she spoke.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine" She stared me dead in my eyes when she said it.

Her eyes were red rimmed and I wondered if she has been crying, but they weren't puffy or blue. She looked away again and her eyes fixed on something behind me. She looked like she was concentrating really hard on whatever it was, so I looked over my shoulder but nothing was there. When I looked back Bella was watching me again.

"Are you lying?"

"No" She said easily.

"Would you lie to me?"

"No" Her eyes started to wander again. "I'm going to go cook dinner." She said suddenly.

She stood up quickly and turned towards the door, leaving me on the floor stunned.

"Are _you _alright?" She asked abruptly turning towards me.

Now Bella was staring right at me but it didn't feel like she was. It felt like she was staring through me. I blinked a few times and stared into Bella's eyes. They didn't look empty but they felt empty. I was confusing myself and Bella was waiting for an answer. The glaze in her eyes had changed from slightly to almost fully glazed over, like she was in another world.

"I'm fine" I said.

She nodded at me and left the room. I sat on the floor for a few seconds lost in thought. Something about Bella was off; I told Jasper she was acting weird! I was completely worried now. I closed Bella's door behind me and went into the kitchen to tell Bella that she didn't have to cook if she didn't want to. She was standing at the counter with her back to me cutting onions and singing.

_How can you see into my eyes_

_Like open doors_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb_

_Without a soul_

_My spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead_

_It back home_

Bella's voice was soft and with her back to me I almost forgot my worries. But the song she was singing had a different effect. I knew people usually sang songs based on what they related to at the moment, so is this how Bella is feeling? Or is it just a song that popped up in her head?

I sat in the living with Emmett and Jasper. They were watching Survivor while Rose and Alice watched something upstairs. I knew they were worrying over Bella too, but for different reasons than me. We watched TV until 6:30 when Bella called out that dinner was done.

For the first time since Carlisle and Esme left we all sat at our spots at the table.

"What's for dinner?" Emmett asked with a huge smile on his face.

We all knew that Emmett loved food, but loved home cooked food even more. Bella didn't look at anyone specifically and kept her head kind of low. I briefly wondered if she knew something was wrong with her eyes.

"Coconut rice, steak, mushroom gravy, and for dessert apple pie" She said with a small smile.

"Smells delicious" Emmett said happily.

Bella passed out plates the way Esme would and sat down. I watched Bella closely as we all made small talk. We mostly talked about TV shows and games. Bella added things in just often enough to make her seem active in the conversation, but I wasn't fooled.

At one point Bella stared off towards the kitchen for a few seconds and when she looked away she started humming a different song. I didn't know the song, but it seemed to be slow. No one paid Bella's humming any attention after they noticed it. Once again I felt like Bella was in another world. When we all finished eating Bella started putting stuff away; food in the refrigerator and dishes in the sink. She wiped the table down and insisted that she didn't need help. After the dishes were done she wished everyone a good night and slipped off into her room.

When I decided to go to bed I heard her music playing softly from her room. She wasn't singing now and I wondered if she fell asleep already. I turned her door knob softly but it was locked. _Bella never locks her door before she goes to bed. _I walked to my room and thought about that.

Bella continued to cook us dinner and then clean up and wouldn't listen to any protests. She also continued to sing and hum, and look around with a glazed look in her eyes. I tried to talk to her but our conversations never changed from what it was the first time. Scattered, worrisome, and lacking.

Today Carlisle called and said he and Esme should be back around five. They actually didn't get back until six. When they did get home we all greeted them happily, except Bella.

"Where's Bella?" Esme asked.

"She's setting the table"

"Did she cook?" Esme asked with a confused expression.

"Yes, but we don't know what she cooked yet" Emmett said with a huge smile. "And man can she cook!"

"Dinner's ready" Bella called as Esme and Carlisle put their bags in their room.

She had set their places at the table.

"What's on the menu little sis?" Emmett asked taking his seat.

"Lasagna, bruschetta, and peach cobbler" She said.

At the table she acted a little more normal, but struggle was obvious in her glazed eyes. Occasionally her eyes drifted but she tried to focus on eating. Carlisle and Esme told us about their trip and asked us about our Spring break. Emmett ran off about how great of a chef Bella was so we didn't go hungry. Jasper talked about a book he was reading. No one else really said much.

Esme didn't let Bella clean up after dinner, she made me and Emmett do it. I didn't miss how Bella quickly went to her room while trying to remain nonchalant. She made sure she said goodnight to everyone so we knew she was off to bed. When I decided to go to bed, I didn't bother checking Bella's door; it was probably locked like it has been.

Before I knew it, we were back for our last week of school and it passed quickly! Still no one noticed that Bella was acting strange. She did however tell Esme about the trip to Forks and of course Esme was as understanding as ever.

My worry grew stronger and stronger, but I kept quiet for Bella's sake. Maybe she just needed time. But a month into our summer break there was a flip.

Bella was getting worse at trying to hide her strange behavior. At dinner one day she was shaking violently. Her spoon fell out of her hand and hit her plate loudly. Then she started rubbing her eyes roughly.

"Bella, are you okay?" Carlisle spoke up first, his doctor side coming out quickly.

"Yeah I'm fine" She said quietly.

She stopped rubbing her eyes and tried to continue eating through her shakes. Carlisle was watching her extra close.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?" Carlisle asked when dinner was done.

She nodded and announced that she was going to bed. I followed behind her quietly. I intended to talk to her, but she closed her door too fast.

The next day got worse. Carlisle didn't work so we were all home. Bella didn't come out of her room until around 12:30 versus her usual 10AM. Her cut had healed and she had no bruises so she was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. She gained weight and finally looked healthy. We noticed when we shopped for her last week and she was a healthy size 8. Carlisle was now satisfied with her weight.

She went straight to the kitchen and I followed her. I sat across from her at the island. She looked at me briefly. Her eyes were a muddy brown that I only saw once, I just don't remember when. For the first time since she came back from Charlie's her eyes weren't glazed over. She started rubbing her eyes again.

"Bella, why do you keep rubbing your eyes? Are you sure you are okay?"

"I'm fine" She said angrily.

"I'd feel better if Carlisle checked your eyes" I said honestly.

"No!"

I was confused at her reaction. She got up from the island and stormed up the stairs.

"Something is wrong with Bella" I said to Carlisle in the living room.

"Why do you say that?"

I told him while we walked up to her room. "She's been acting to strange; it's a lot to explain. I just know dad. Then yesterday and today, with her eyes and the shaking."

Carlisle grabbed his doctor bag and headed to her room.

"Bella can you open the door?" I asked.

"No"

"Bella, come on" I tried again jiggling the locked door knob.

"No"

"Okay Bella, I need you to open the door" Carlisle said.

"Please just leave me alone"

"Bella, I have keys, don't make me have to go get them."

The door swung open suddenly and Bella ran back to her bed.

"I told you I didn't want you to have Carlisle to check me!" She yelled at me.

"Then tell me what you're hiding" I said watching her. "I can't think of any other reason you'd be reacting like this."

Carlisle flashed a light in Bella's eyes and she flinched back violently. Carlisle flashed the light again and Bella squinted. She followed his finger with her eyes, squinting against the light.

"Your pupils are… really dilated!" Carlisle said in surprise. "You can't stand the light, shaking, mood swings, and angry…" Carlisle seemed lost in thought.

Bella started sweating and her eyes watered up.

"Bella," Carlisle started. "What have you been doing? What have you taken?"

I was confused. Taken? Like drugs?

"Nothing" She said shakingly.

"She hasn't been doing drugs" I said.

"Bella, this is important" Carlisle said.

"I haven't been doing drugs" She yelled. "If I was smoking you guys would smell it, drinking too!"

"There are other drugs"

Bella was shaking again and she was losing focus.

"Bella, withdrawal can kill you!" Carlisle yelled. "I need to know what you have been doing so I can figure out how to help you."

I suddenly remembered where I'd seen that eye color before. The day after Bella came home high. She was watching me worriedly, shaking her head. _It'll get worse before it gets better._

"I won't be mad at you"

"D-d-doxa-something" She said. "I don't know how to say the name." She cried.

"Where are the bottles?"

She got off her bed and reached under it and pulled out four empty pill bottles. Bella handed the bottles to Carlisle. She broke down, crumbling to the floor and sobbing. I ran to her side and pulled her to me. I was trying to soothe her, but I don't think it was working.

"Dextropropoxyphene" Carlisle said. "It's a pain killer. It can have a very addicted effect. It can cause hunger, fatigue, hallucination, and a list of a bunch of other things. We only prescribe this to our worse patients and they are monitored because of how high the risk of addiction it has. Bella how many have you been taking a day and since when.

"Four, since I came back" She sobbed.

Carlisle made a face of shock.

"I'll be back" Carlisle said.

Carlisle left.

"I'm sorry" Bella sobbed. "But I need it, it hurts"

"Shhh. It's okay Bella. It'll all get better"

Carlisle walked in just as I got Bella back on her bed calmly. I was shocked when he pulled out pill bottles. He automatically caught Bella's attention.

"There are 45 pills Bella. It was really hard to get them and I had to pull some serious strings. This is a pill that patients are supposed to be eased off of. Listen to me. I am not giving you these pills. It's one o'clock now. For the next 15 days you will take two pills at 1 and then 15 days after that you will take 1. By the end of the month you should be fine, no more withdrawal."

I don't think Bella heard anything other than the fact that Carlisle was giving her what she felt she needed. He held out two pills and Bella took them happily and the bottle of water Carlisle handed her. She swallowed the pills quickly. Carlisle frowned and left the room.

Slowly I watched Bella's shaking slow down and then stopped. She was looking around with a glazed look in her eyes and humming again. I wondered if she even remembered what just happened. I knew this wasn't completely her fault, so I couldn't be angry with her. She needs somebody.

"I'm hungry" She said suddenly.

She spun and left the room.

I refuse to ever render myself helpless to any kind of drug!

_**A/N: This is my longest chapter now! I went over 3,000 words! YAY! That's for all the reviews! The next update will take a little longer because I've been neglecting my other story for a LONG time! But this will be updated in a week at most! Review please!**_


	42. Low Blows

**A/N: I am starting a third story called Eyes of Silk, I would love for you guys to read it even though it is literally in beginner stages and review and suggest, just like for my other two stories. Sorry for the long wait but I literally got the inspiration for all of my stories at one time so instead of typing I just wrote scattered ideas on papers. Plus I just got a 7 week old puppy; her name is Bella (courtesy of my 12 year old brother). Anyway, enough about my boring life, and onto Bella's interesting life.**

**Bella's POV**

"Just stop" I screamed at Edward.

He looked at me with a red face frowning slightly. I have been off the pills for over a week now and it seemed like life was getting worse.

"Bella, calm down" He said.

"Don't tell me to calm down! Stop watching me like you're scared I'm going to fuck up again! You don't get it" I yelled, but I knew I wasn't being rational.

"I don't think you're going to mess up again, I'm just worried about you. I understand that you are-" Edward started but I cut him off.

"Don't sit here and feed me that 'I understand' bullshit! Unless you are in my head you don't understand, no one understands!"

"Bella please" Edward tone and reached a pleading level.

"Leave me alone!"

"What am I doing wrong?" Edward asked in confusion.

"You-" I started, but that was a good question. What was Edward doing that was getting me so angry?

"I'm just worried about you Bella, I don't understand what is wrong" He said seriously.

"Nothing is wrong" My voice practically echoed off of the walls. I briefly wondered where everyone was. The living room is usually always occupied. "Stop worrying about me, there is nothing to worry about" My anger was quickly reaching maximum levels.

"I have to worry about your behavior change, I don't know what to expect from you anymore" He said. His face was brightening and I recognized it as a sign of impatience or anger.

"Stop expecting anything from me!"

"So you can run back to drugs the moment you get the chance" He asked in disgust.

Low blow

"With or without you riding me I can go back! If I want to I can, you don't control me"

"I never said I controlled you" Edward was finally yelling. "You want to run back to drugs like a junkie?"

"If I do then you should mind your business"

I stepped towards Edward and he stepped towards me. He was in my face and anger practically radiated off of him. His hands were balled up at his waist, clenched tightly. Violence was shining out of his eyes; my heart was beating fast and loud.

"Hit me, I dare you" I ground out in his face, no longer screaming. My voice was emotionless.

"Don't test me Bella" Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Get out my face" I ordered.

"Bella I advise you to watch it, you're messing with the wrong one" I looked into his eyes but didn't see Edward.

I could give low blows too.

"I wonder if that is the look your father gave your mother before he hit her" I spit; letting my anger was control me.

Edward's hand flew up and his palm connected with my jaw. The force of his hand pushed me backwards and made a loud noise that seemed to echo through the house. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips.

"Asshole" I screamed.

He had smacked most of the anger out of me and replaced it with fear. I stepped forward and slapped him back. He looked at me with murderous eyes.

"I hate you" I screamed, tears brimming my eyes.

I swung at Edward wildly. He stepped back from me but I kept swinging.

"Stop hitting me" He yelled, the murderous look leaving his eyes. I could still see anger in them though.

Tears fell from my eyes, blurring my vision. I stopped trying to hit him and turned away. I wasn't angry anymore, I was just sad.

"Bella" Edward said quietly.

His hand touched my shoulder. I spun and pushed him away from me violently.

"Don't touch me" I screamed.

I spun and ran out of the living room. I slammed my door and locked it behind me. I paced the length of my room.

_What is wrong with you? _ I asked myself angrily.

I threw myself on my floor violently and touched my hand to my lip. There was blood on my fingertips. Great, he busted my lip (note the sarcasm).

It was times like this where all I wanted was to pop another pill. _Don't think like that _I scolded myself. _If you don't think about the pill then you won't be tempted. _I stayed in the same position on my floor for an hour and cried. Why was I crying? I have no idea. Today was just a bad day because yesterday I was fine.

It took a while for me to calm down. I got off the floor and saw that it was already four o'clock. In my bathroom I noticed that my cheek was bright red in the shape of a hand print. So I was going to have a bruise, ridiculous!

I went in my bathroom and covered up the mark before going downstairs. I went into the living room and saw everyone sitting around doing basically nothing.

"What happened to your lip?" Carlisle asked looking as me. "As a matter of fact what happened to your lip too?" He said looking from me to Edward.

I looked at Edward, his bottom lip was cut like mine and his cheek was slightly bruised. I looked away from Edward, displaying no emotion.

"Nothing" I said rudely.

"Liar" Edward retorted.

"So you fucking tell them" I said glaring at him.

"Bella, language" Esme gasped.

"He wants to be a dickhead then let us put out why we both have bruises" I tested angrily.

"Bella, I'm sorry"

"Interesting" I said sarcastically. "You are such a hypocrite"

"Can someone explain to me what happened?" Carlisle exclaimed.

"Bella hit me" Edward said.

"Because you slapped me in my face" I yelled.

"Because you called me my father"

"Oh, it's my fault that you're acting just how you described him to me! Getting in my face and yelling at me, trying to control me."

"You get in my face" Edward yelled, standing up. "Throwing around the fact that you can't seem to stay away from drugs and you can do what the fuck you want. I don't do junkies" He was in my face.

"Edward" Carlisle said from somewhere behind us.

"Oh I wasn't aware of the fact that we were fucking" I yelled seeing red. "Oh wait, that's because we aren't!"

"Get out of my face Bella" Edward said menacingly.

"You stepped to me so you step off"

"You continue to test me Isabella" Edward said.

For a second I wasn't even in the living room anymore. I was back at Charlie's house and he was in my face. I blinked frantically and stepped back.

"I'm sorry" My voice was small and fearful.

I looked up and Edward's expression changed quickly.

"I did it again. I'm so sorry Bella" Edward said quickly. "I promise I will never hit you again"

I took another step away from him. "I forgive you" I said before leaving the living room.

I made myself a sandwich and a glass of Kool-Aid and sat at the island in the kitchen. Of course I would forgive him, this was my fault. If I would just do what he said then we wouldn't argue and he wouldn't have to hit me. Charlie used to always tell me that no one would fight me if I didn't fight them. Men were supposed to me superior and there was only a few ways to do that.

I heard Carlisle tell Edward to wait for him in his office as I ate.

"Bella, I want to talk to you" Jasper said as I put my dishes in the dishwasher.

"I don't want to talk"

"We really should talk Bella" Jasper said.

"Fine" I said following Jasper to his room.

I sat back on his couch and he sat on the foot rest.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asked after a minutes of silence.

"I'm fine" I lied.

Jasper reached up and moved his hand towards my face. I watched him suspiciously as he wiped his hand across my cheek. I flinched slightly as looked at the cover up now on Jasper's hand. Over his shoulder I can see my reflection and the bruise now visible from the loss of a layer of cover up.

I pulled my knees against my chest and hid my face.

"Did Edward do that?" Jasper asked, but from the tone of his voice he already knew.

"It wasn't his fault" I said quietly.

"Can Edward come in here while we talk?" Jasper asked.

"I don't care"

"Will you act like he isn't here?"

"Yup" I said honestly, I had every intention on ignoring his.

"Hold on a second" Jasper got up and I heard the door open and close a few minutes later.

I heard him sit in the foot rest again.

"Why did you forgive Edward for hitting you?" Jasper asked.

"Because it wasn't his fault"

"How wasn't it his fault?"

"Because I was yelling at him and he got mad and shut me up" I said, shrugging mentally.

"That doesn't make it okay for him to hit you" Jasper said seriously.

"Charlie told me that men have the right to teach lessons anyway that they want. People teach children to behave through discipline; one form of discipline is violence."

"Violence is not the only form of discipline and Edward has no right to discipline you, he is not your father."

"Edward has the right to punish me for things I do to upset him. That's why Charlie taught me to keep men happy, so I don't upset them." Tears fell from my eyes and I finally looked up at Jasper. "But no matter what I did, charlie was never satisfied."

Jasper opened his mouth to talk but I talked first.

"I threatened to tell on him one day. I said. "I told him I was going to tell a teacher that he was hitting me. I said I wasn't scared of him. 'Don't test me Isabella' He said menacingly. He walked towards me until he was in my face. I almost died that day, I learned what true fear was."

"Bella, what your father put you through was wrong and what he taught you was wrong. It is never okay for a man to put his hands on a woman, no matter what."

"He said he wont hit me again" I said finally looking at Edward. He was sitting on Jasper's bed looking down.

"And if he does will you forgive him?"

I looked back at Jasper and answered honestly. "Probably; if he hits me again it means I did something wrong."

"You can never to anything wrong enough to deserve that. Edward needs to work on controlling his own temper, you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around him."

"I shouldn't have had to walk on egg shells around my father, but I did." I said seriously, getting up and walking to the door. "And even then it wasn't enough to protect me."

I left the room before Jasper or Edward could answer me. I went upstairs and laid in my bed. I would use this time to think, but somewhere in the midst of that thinking session I fell asleep. Well, more like pitched forward into a sea of nightmares.

**A/N: Please review, reviews=faster updates (like always).**


	43. Fixing It

**Bella's POV**

I woke up screaming. My body convulsed in fear and I swear I felt something tied around my wrists. I sat up as Edward ran into the room.

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I didn't answer at first. I was trying to calm myself down. I honestly didn't even remember the dream I just had, but maybe that's a good thing.

"Bella, you're shaking" Edward said.

"I'm fine" I lie.

"Oh man" He whispered turning my face to him.

I turned away abruptly knowing that he was looking at the bruise that had probably formed. He had a bruise on his face, but it was small and not too dark. I was too scared to hit him with all of my strength.

"Bella I'm so sorry"

"I already forgave you" I said when I was calm again.

"Bella" Edward said sadly. "If I ever slip up and hit you again I don't want you to forgive me."

"If I make you mad then why shouldn't I forgive you?"

"Because my anger isn't a reason for me to hit you. I really like you" He said making me look him in the eyes before repeating "I really like you. I won't be another person you can add to the list of people that hurt you"

"Okay, I won't forgive you"

"You'll never have to, I'm going to fix myself for you" He promised. "I'll do anything so I don't lose you"

He touched his forehead to mine and looked into my eyes.

"Will you start by not leaving me?" I whispered looking down.

"Of course" He promised.

Edward pulls me against him as we lay down. I hid my face in the crook of his neck, like always. My eyes drooped closed sleepily.

"I'm sorry I compared you to your father" I whispered. "No matter what happens or has happened, you really won't ever be like him"

Edward turned and kissed the side of my head as I fell asleep.

"Sweet hearts wake up" I heard Esme's voice call from far away. "Bella, Edward wake up"

I groaned, too comfortable to want to get up. My face was still pressed against Edward's neck and his head was resting on my pillows. One of my legs was in between his and the other was on top of his other leg; my arm wrapped around his waist. One of his arms was under me and the other slung over me, holding me to him.

I peek an eye open and was almost blinded by sunlight. My clock read 12:00AM in blinking red numbers and letters. Edward and I slept for over 12 hours! I look over at Esme and smile, she smiles back.

"I'll wake him up" I whispered. "Sorry we slept so late"

"It's okay sweetie. I just had to wake you guys up because you both have an appointment at 3."

"Okay" I whispered as she left the room, closing the door behind her. "Edward" I whispered in his ear.

"Hmmm" He groaned, but I knew he wasn't awake yet.

"Edward we have to get up" I said untangling myself from him.

I sat up and started rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Where'd you go?" He whined, waking up slowly.

"We have to get up" I laughed.

I got off the bed and stretched. Edward slowly sat up and half stretched. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He looked over at the clock.

"Gosh we slept for like 12 or more hours" He said in surprise.

"Yeah I know" I said. "I've never gotten that much sleep in one shot"

Edward smiled at me.

"Esme woke us up because we have some appointment tomorrow" I informed him.

"Oh, crap, I forgot to tell you yesterday." Edward said. "Carlisle thinks we should be in therapy, not together, but he thinks it would help if we each had a therapist. We have to go there today."

I groaned. "But I already talk to Jasper"

"I guess therapy is different because it is people that aren't part of our family so they have unbiased opinions."

I nodded. "What's the weather supposed to be like today?" I asked. "Do you know?"

"Around 85 degrees" He said. "You should wear a dress" He smiled. "The white and blue one"

I laughed. "Maybe"

I had a sundress that was white with blue leaves and flowers on it and Edward loved it. His favorite color was blue so it didn't surprise me.

"We should start getting ready because I don't know about you but I take forever to get ready and we have to leave at 3. What time is our actual appointment?"

"4:00"

I walked to the side of my bed and reached my hands out to Edward. He grabbed them and I tugged him gently until he was standing on the floor. He didn't let my hands go as he stretched up. I had to tippy toe to prevent him from lifting me off the floor. He dropped his arms and I tripped forward. I fell into Edward, he caught me and we fell onto my bed with me on top. We laughed for a few minutes before I got up. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Edward got up and stood in front of me. His hand made its way under my chin, making me look at Edward. He searched my eyes for a second before leaning down. Without thinking I tip toed to meet his kiss. My heart fluttered as our lips touched. The kiss broke slowly and Edward touched his forehead to mine again. I opened my eyes in time to see Edward open his eyes. I pulled away from Edward slowly, with a small smile.

"I'm getting in the shower"

"Okay"

Edward turned and left the room slowly as I made my way to my bathroom. It was already 12:30.

I showered slowly. I decided to wear the dress Edward wanted, I liked to keep him happy. With my hair in a blue head band, I put cover up over the bruise and slid on a pair of light blue flats. I was completely ready to go by 2. It took me an hour and a half to be completely ready.

"Bella" Carlisle called from downstairs. "I want you to come eat before we leave"

I looked at myself in my body mirror and smiled. I looked wonderful and happy. For the first time in a long time my eyes were green, the color my eyes chose for happiness.

I ran downstairs while my stomach yelled at me angrily.

"Oh my god, a bigger version of Alice" Emmett teased as I dashed through the living room.

"Hey" I whined, stopping. "I'm just starving and we're getting ready to leave and I am STARVING" I repeated, me and Emmett laughed.

I walked to the kitchen where Edward, Esme, and Carlisle where sitting at the island.

"You look beautiful" Edward said with a smile.

I blushed and smiled. "Thank you"

I went into the fridge but didn't see anything that I wanted. There was nothing in the cabinets that looked good either. I sat at the island with a pout.

"Bella we have to leave soon" Carlisle said.

"Can we get McDonalds?" I asked.

"Sure, there's one by the office" Esme said. "We can go now"

"Me and Bella will follow you" Edward said.

I followed Edward to his car and got in the passenger's seat.

"Why does everyone always only take your car?" I asked curiously.

"Well Emmett's Jeep is mostly for the woods and Alice and Rosalie's car are fancy and we don't like to flaunt our money and Jasper has a motorcycle."

"Oh" I said as he pulled out of the garage behind Carlisle and Esme.

During the drive Edward's hand slid into mine. I smiled and blushed.

"Do you know if my iPod is in here?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Did you take it with you to Forks?"

"I didn't listen to music" I said.

I slid my hand out of Edward's and looked through the glove department, but it wasn't there. I unbuckled my seat belt and leaned to the back seat.

"Bella that's dangerous and you have on a dress" Edward said.

I sat forward and pouted. "I think I left it in my room all I have with me is my cell phone. I dropped it when we got in the car." I reached down and picked my phone up off the floor.

My seatbelt clicked and I turned on the radio.

"I hate this music" Edward groaned taking my hand again.

"Feels so good being back, there's no way I'm turning back" I sang along with the radio. Edward laughed. "I listen to this every once in a while" I said before continuing the song.

We parked in McDonalds at 2:45. It was across the street from the office Carlisle said we were going. We stayed in McDonalds eating and talking until 3:30. We drove to the small parking lot in front of the small building, which looked more like a house. It was in a private business center with all types of small businesses. The parking lot in front of the building there was 3 cars plus out 2.

"We have an appointment at 4, Cullens" Carlisle told the receptionist.

Edward and I sat on the couch still holding hands.

"Bella, do you want to go out when we leave here?" Edward said with pink cheeks. "We can go to a movie and dinner."

I smiled. "I would love to" I said hugging him.

"It's a date" He said kissing my cheek.

_I'm going on a date with Edward _I sang in my head.

"Cullen" A woman called a little while later we got up and walked to her. "Do you want to do this separate or together?"

"We can do it together" Carlisle said.

We followed the woman into a room with three chairs and a desk.

"You can sit on my lap" Edward whispered in my ear.

I smiled and blushed at his flirty behavior.

"Promise" I asked stopping abruptly.

Edward bumped into me and I laughed. I walked forward and looked at him blushing. Edward sat on a chair and pulled me on top of his. I couldn't help but laugh loudly and blush. Carlisle and Esme sat in the other two chairs. Esme smiled at us as Carlisle and the lady got down to business.

"So why do you believe these two need therapy?" She asked.

"Well they have both been through a lot and I think it would be good for them to have someone to talk to outside of the family." Carlisle said seriously.

"Do you think either of them have a psychological instability?" She asked all business like.

I leaned back into Edward. "So what movie are we going to see?" I whispered.

"I don't really know what's out" He whispered back with a smile.

"What do you think about that Isabella?" The woman said, surprising me.

"It's just Bella" I said a little harsher than intended. "Sorry, what do I think about what?"

"What your father just said about your mental stability" She said

"What" I said in disbelief. "I'm perfectly mentally stable"

"Your father believes you may have manic depression"

"I'm a happy person so I doubt it" I lied.

"It is also known as bipolar disorder" She said to me before turning back to Carlisle. "We can monitor it"

"Do you think I'm bipolar?" I whispered to Edward.

"Maybe" He said. "I don't know"

"I want to leave" I whispered.

"We can't yet"

I hid my face in his neck. "Please" I whispered kissing his neck.

I felt him chuckle. "Don't tempt me Ms. Swan" He whispered.

"If I tempt you can we leave?"

"Not if you want to go to the movies" Edward laughed.

I laughed too.

"Are you guy's attention?" Carlisle asked.

"We are now" I said turning around and facing them with a blush.

"Well do you have any preferences about your therapist?" The woman asked.

"Female" I said quicker than intended.

The woman nodded and wrote something in a paper.

"Doesn't matter" Edward answered.

"Well your first sessions are on Wednesday at 4:30"

Carlisle shook hands with the woman. I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him out the room happily.

"We'll be home later" Edward called. "Not too late"

**A/N: I had writers block. I hope no one is disappointed. And HBD TO ME! xD**


	44. Date Night Cut

**Bella's POV**

We got into Edward's car and I couldn't hide my smile, I wasn't even trying to hide my smile. I was practically jumping with excitement. I was going on a date with Edward. Edward was holding my hand and squeezed it softly as I bounced happily.

"What do you want to see?" Edward asked as we walked up to the ticket booth.

"Well Friends with Benefits is supposed to be funny, but it's a chick flick" I said.

"If you want to see it we can" He said, smiling at me.

"Do you want to see it?" I asked, smiling through my sudden worry.

"I want to see whatever you want to see" Edward said.

"Are you-" I started.

Edward cut me off with a quick kiss that had my cheeks in flames and my heart on overdrive.

"Two tickets to Friends with Benefits please" Edward said to the lady behind the ticket booth.

Edward paid with his bank card and I frowned, I definitely didn't like him spending money on me.

"Don't frown, it was nothing." Edward said pulling me into the theater with a smile. "The movie starts in 10 minutes"

I smiled as we picked up popcorn, candy, and slushies. The theater was practically empty, thank goodness for Wednesdays. Our seat was in the middle of the room.

We laughed, held hands, and kissed throughout the entire movie. I was in a fantastic mood by the time the movie was over.

"Are you hungry yet?" Edward asked as we walked out of the room and back outside the theater.

I thought about it. I wasn't very hungry yet, but what if Edward was. He said movie and dinner, we did the movie but it wasn't even dinner time yet. Dammit! Yet is a sign of impatience, I think.

"Bella" Edward questioned.

"Sorry" I said pulling myself out of my thoughts. "Are you hungry yet?" I asked.

"Not really" Edward said. "But if you are hungry we can go eat now" he added.

"Not really" I said honestly and more than a little relieved.

"Do you want to catch another movie?" Edward asked.

I was getting frustrated. He kept asking me to make these choices and not giving me any clue on what he wants me to say I want to do. I frowned. I could mess up this whole day with one mistake.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

"I want to do what you want to do" He said watching me.

"Okay, so we can see another movie" I said in a questioning tone.

"That's exactly what I was thinking" Edward said smiling.

Once again I was overcome with relief. "You choose this time" I said quickly.

Edward laughed. "What if I choose Winnie the Pooh?" He asked with a smile.

"Then that is what we are going to see" I said smiling back.

"So then that's what we're going to see" Edward said watching me.

"Okay" I said happily.

"Two tickets for Winnie the Pooh" Edward laughed to the lady behind the ticket booth. She smiled and handed him the tickets when he paid.

We didn't get popcorn, only slushies and candy. It's funny that we paid more attention to this movie than Friends with Benefits. By the time the movie finished it was 7:00.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" Edward asked as we left the theater and went to his car.

"Yes" I laughed. "Did I ever mention I love Winnie the Pooh?"

Edward laughed. "I do too"

"So where are we going?" I asked after we stopped laughing.

"Captain's Gallery" He said with a smile.

"I heard that place was expensive and always crowded" I said with a frown.

"And we're on a date, so it's perfect" He said.

I blushed and internally cursed my cheeks. I put on the radio and they were playing Heaven Sent by Keyshia Cole. I couldn't help but sing along, this song was just perfect.

Edward was quiet as I sung and I kind of hoped he wasn't listening to me sing. I know I'm not that good but I loved singing so I couldn't help it.

"You have a beautiful voice" He said quietly when the song finished.

"You're just saying that"

"No, I completely mean it" He said honestly.

"Thank you" I whispered.

I hummed along to a few songs as we drove. I couldn't remember the last time I was this happy. When we got out the car Edward handed his key and money to a guy in a red vest. We held hands as we walked in. I gasped. It was beautiful in here. Everything was lit up by soft candles and soft music was playing through speakers around the restaurant.

"Table for two" Edward told the hostess.

She smiled. "Follow me" she led us to a table off to the side from the crowd. "Your waiter will be with you shortly" She said handing us menus.

A few minutes later a guy came up to our table.

"Hello, my name is Joseph and I'll be your waiter tonight." He said placing a bread basket at the middle of our table. "Can I start you guys off with a drink?"

"Bella" Edward said.

"Umm, I'll have a virgin strawberry daiquiri" I said looking at the menu.

"And you sir" Joseph said.

"That sounds good" He smiled. I'll have a Pepsi" He said.

"So are you enjoying your night?" Edward asked.

"It's perfect" I said honestly.

We stayed in the restaurant for around an hour. Edward didn't even let me see the bill. It made me feel better that I didn't know how much I was costing him, and he didn't seem to mind. The night air was cool as we got back in the car. We held hand during the drive. I sang again and couldn't help it, I sing when I'm happy. I ended up singing Tonight by John Legend.

"Did you guys enjoy your night?" Esme asked when walked into the house.

"It was wonderful" I smiled.

"It was" Edward agreed. "We're going to head to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight" Esme smiled at us as we headed up the stairs and to Edwards room.

He kissed me when his bedroom door closed. I smiled around his lips and kissed him back. I reached my hands up and knotted them in his hair, pulling softly. Edward moaned against my lips and I realized it was one of his turn-ons. Edward's hands were resting on my hips. I guided us to his bed where he laid down. I got on top of him, straddling his waist and kissing him again.

"Bella" Edward said in a husky voice. "You don't have to do this"

"I want to" I whispered nervously.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded because I didn't trust my voice. My heart hammered against my ribcage. _Calm down Bella _I told myself. Suddenly Edward was on top and kissing me again. _Calm down Bella._

**Next Morning:**

My eyes were assaulted by sunlight as I opened them. I was automatically aware of my body tangled in Edward's and the blanket covering us. My heart sped up when I realized we weren't dressed. I took a deep breath and told myself to calm down. I closed my eyes and remembered yesterday's events. I smiled and blushed; glad I didn't freak out and probably make Edward feel bad when it wasn't necessary.

Edward's clock said it was 10 which means I got about 8 hours of sleep. I needed to get up and take a shower but I didn't want to wake Edward up. I moved slightly but Edward groaned and moved with me, making me freeze. Would he be mad if I woke him up for no reason? Worry was making itself known through my happiness. I wish I could just get over the fear I had of Edward, he said he wouldn't hurt me so why can't I just believe him?

I slipped out of Edward's grasp slowly. I was glad I was able to do it without waking him up. I sat on the edge of his bed with my feet on the floor. His door was locked so I didn't have to worry about anyone walking in on my nakedness. When I sat up I realized how tired my body was, but I was very much awake.

I jumped when something touched my back.

"Are you okay?" Edward's voice said, thick with sleep.

"Yeah" I said turning around to face him. "I was just thinking."

"How are you feeling?" He asked with eyes full of worry.

"I'm fine, sorry I woke you up" I said.

"I needed to wake up anyway, we don't want to sleep the day away" he smiled.

I laughed softly. "I need to take a shower"

"I'll go get your stuff" He said getting off the bed and pulling on a pair of boxers.

"Can you bring me a sweat suit?" I asked trying not to push it but not wanting to leave the room.

"Sure" He said.

I got up when he left the room and picked up our clothes from yesterday and putting them in a pile. I was in the shower for a few minutes before Edward knocked and came in. Through the curtains he handed me my soap and shampoos before leaving the bathroom. I couldn't help but smile at Edward's respect for my privacy even though he had already seen me naked.

I showered and dressed quickly. Edward got in the shower after me; I told him I'd wait for him in my room. In the bathroom I brushed my hair and put it into a tight bun and covered up the bruise that was still going strong on my face.

"Bella" Edward called.

I jumped in surprise and my tub of cover up fell to the floor and shattered.

"Come in" I said closing the bathroom door and locking it. "Give me a second" I said when I heard my door open.

I opened the cabinet under my sink and pushed everything around, looking for the mini broom and dustpan. I reached to the side and my hand passed across metal. I grabbed it and pulled it out. It was my razor. I reached up and put it by my sink and grabbed the broom and dustpan. I swept up the mess quickly and then grabbed the razor and sat on my floor.

On the floor I stared at the razor. I pushed the tip in and out of its protective cover. With the razor in my hand I felt a longing, an itch in my hand to do what this razor was here for. I stood up and hid my razor in my sleeve.

"I wish we had a piano" I said, leaving the bathroom. I was mentally creating a new song.

"We do" Edward said. "It's the door next to the one under the stairs, are you okay?"

"Is everyone allowed to play it?"

"I'm the only one who knows how, but if they knew how then they could play it. Are you okay?" Edward repeated.

The metal cover of the razor scratched against my skin. I let my sleeve go and let the razor fall out of it. Edward's eyes looked down at the razor. Tears brimmed my eyes as I spun out and left the room. I went straight downstairs and into the piano room. I played for a second before I let the word flow from my brain to my mouth. (**A/N: Song is originally by Plumb and is called Cut)**

_I'm not a stranger  
>No I am yours<br>With crippled anger  
>And tears that still drip sore<em>

_A fragile __frame__ aged  
>With misery<br>And when our eyes meet  
>I know you see<em>

_I do not want to be afraid  
>I do not want to die inside just to breathe in<br>I'm tired of feeling so numb  
>Relief exists I find it when<br>I am cut_

_I may seem crazy  
>Or painfully shy<br>And these __scars__ wouldn't be so hidden  
>If you would just look me in the eye<br>I feel alone here and cold here  
>Though I don't want to die<br>But the only __anesthetic__ that makes me feel anything kills inside_

_I do not want to be afraid  
>I do not want to die inside just to breathe in<br>I'm tired of feeling so numb  
>Relief exists I find it when<br>I am cut  
>Pain<br>I am not alone  
>I am not alone<em>

_I'm not a stranger  
>No I am yours<br>With crippled anger  
>And tears that still drip sore<em>

_But I do not want to be afraid  
>I do not want to die inside just to breathe in<br>I'm tired of feeling so numb  
>Relief exists I found it when<br>I was cut_

By the time I was done tears were running down my face.

"Bella" Edward whispered from behind me.


	45. Down Up Down

**Bella's POV**

I didn't turn around at the sound of my name even though I should have.

"Bella" Edward said again, a little louder.

I wiped my face and turned to face him. Conflict seemed to be running through his eyes. I couldn't help but wonder if he was resisting the urge to yell at me.

"I didn't know you played piano" He said in a tight voice.

I nodded but didn't talk. Some times when Charlie was mad, my voice just made it worse. I didn't need to take chances here.

"Did you write that song?" He asked voice still tight.

I nodded again. Edward ran his hand through his hair and I saw the stress etched in his face. He clenched his jaw multiple times before looking away from me and blowing out a long breath. Tears came back to my eyes as I looked towards the floor, still not saying a word. I wished Edward would just say something before he blew up and got angrier. If I hadn't been so clumsy I wouldn't have even dropped the bottle, it wouldn't have shattered, and I would have never found the razor. This entire problem would've been avoided. Once again I deserve the wrath that was probably brewing inside of Edward. I started to shake, my eyesight blurred with tears that I wouldn't let fall. Anger at myself coursed through my blood along with the fear of what Edward would do next.

I got up from the piano bench and brushed passed Edward without a word.

"Wait Bella" Edward called.

I kept going until I was in my room. I didn't close my door because I knew Edward would want to come in and probably could without my help. He came into the room a few seconds after me. I didn't see the razor on the floor but Edward noticed my gaze.

"Looking for this" He asked, taking it out of his pocket.

"No" I whispered stepping away from him.

"Was it because of yesterday?" He asked.

"No" I said louder than I meant to.

"Then what was it Bella?" He yelled back.

"Nothing, you don't understand" I cried angrily, taking another step away from him.

"Understand what, Bella? What don't I understand? Make me understand then" He yelled.

This is exactly what I meant by him blowing up. I shook my head.

"Explain this shit to me Bella" He yelled.

I flinched as he stepped forward. Why didn't I just throw it out when Jasper gave it back to me? Edward's face was red with anger but his eyes also showed sadness. I shook my head again; I didn't know what to say. Edward's eyes flashed and his hand swung, for a second I thought he was trying to hit me even though we weren't close enough. But the razor clattered to the floor loudly by my feet. I looked down in shock then back at Edward. He turned around and walked out the room briskly. Tears finally fell from my eyes.

"Edward wait" I cried running after him. "I'm sorry. I didn't use it I swear."

Edward didn't even acknowledge that I was speaking to him.

"Edward" I cried grabbing his arm.

"Don't Bella" He said pushing me back without even turning around.

I lost my footing and fell on my behind. I didn't try to get up, I just let myself stay on the floor and cry.

_At least he didn't hit you, even though you deserved it. _I thought sadly.

I stood on the floor for less than 5 minutes in reality but it felt like hours. I got up and wiped my eyes trying to calm myself down. I walked to Edward's room and peaked in. He was sitting on the edge of his bed with his face hidden in his hands. I walked in and sat on the floor in front of him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. "I didn't mean to…" I trailed off.

"I just don't understand Bella" he said looking down at me. His eyes were slightly red rimmed. "What happened? Was it because I went too far yesterday?"

The pain in his voice brought tears back to my eyes. "No! That was my idea, remember."

"Then what happened?"

"I don't know" I cried looking at the floor. "I found it and it was so hard not to do it. I don't know why I put it in my sleeve, maybe just to keep it close. I knew if I put it in my pocket you would see it. It fell because it scratched me and I dropped it."

"But why Bella; why do you do it?"

"I don't know" I whispered. "It helps"

"Let me help; don't turn back to cutting yourself. Please" He whispered

Edward dropped to the floor in front of me. He reached out and pulled me to him, cradling me in his lap. I started to cry softly, I couldn't help it. Edward leaned down and kissed me, his tears mixed with mine. I didn't want him to cry, but he probably didn't want me to cry either.

_I think I love this boy_.

Later that day I gave him my last razor and he threw it out. He told me how proud of me he was and that I was making a step in the right direction. We kept all of our recent decisions to ourselves. Although everyone seemed to noticed the new found affection.

"Want to go on a picnic?" Edward asked Tuesday afternoon.

He was awake even though we had both fallen asleep around 12 and it was only 2:30.

"How long have you been up?" I laughed sleepily.

"Only about 15 minutes" He smiled. "I love waking up to your face at all times" I blushed and he smiled with eyes full of affection. "So picnic?"

"Sure" I said turning away and yawning.

"Great" He said getting up.

He got in his shower and I made my way to my room very slowly. I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt by 3:15. The bruise on my face was beginning to fade, but it definitely was not in a rush. I covered it quickly before grabbing my cell phone and going downstairs. On the kitchen counter there was a picnic basket and I smiled.

"Alice did it for us" Edward said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

I smiled and looked up at him. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine before pulling away. He grabbed the basket and my hand, leading me out the house and into his car. In the car I ended up singing in the car again and the first song that came on was Make You Feel My Love by Adele. I loved the mood Edward put me in just by being around.

The park was almost empty because it wasn't really a park. It was more like a picnic park, if that makes sense. It was a perfect day to go on a picnic and we were the only ones who thought it. Other couples were picnicking and families were here too. It was still peaceful despite kids playing off in the distant. It wasn't too hot or too cool, it was perfect.

I helped Edward lay out the blanket. Alice packed us sandwiches, Kool-Aid, chips, and a pack of gum.

"Alice is the best" I laughed picking up the pack of gum. Edward laughed.

We ate slowly and talked about nothing. It was so relaxing but fun at the same time. Slowly the families and couples left and the sun started going down. I was leaning against Edward's chest and he was leaning back.

"Sunsets are the most beautiful things in the world"

"I've seen something more beautiful" Edward whispered, not breaking the quiet of nature.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"You"

I blushed and moved closer to Edward. We watched the sunset in silence and spent time watching stars. For the first time in my entire life I wasn't sad, happy, angry, I wasn't anything but content. I enjoyed the feeling.

"We should head home" Edward said. "It's already 10:30 and we won't be home until 11"

I nodded and picked up the picnic basket and my sneakers. Edward grabbed the basket and my hand again and we walked to the car in silence. The car ride was quiet but it felt natural. We didn't need to talk to feel comfortable with each other. We went straight to my room when we got home.

I woke up wrapped up in Edward and once again neither of us was dressed. I didn't even give myself time to freak out. I kissed his chest lightly and slipped out of his hold. It was only 12 which meant we had 4 hours to be ready for therapy. I was sooo _excited_, insert sarcasm, I thought. I got in the shower before Edward woke up but when I got out he wasn't in the room anymore. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 1:30.

I walked down the stairs and sat in the living room with Alice and Emmett. I could hear Rosalie talking to Carlisle in the kitchen.

"Good afternoon Bells" Emmett said happily.

"Good afternoon" I laughed.

"Bella we have to go shopping soon" Alice said excitedly.

"What, why?" I asked in surprised.

"School starts in 3 weeks; we have to shop sooner or later." She laughed.

"I choose later" I said with a smile.

Alice pouted "You can't avoid it forever Swan" She said dramatically.

"But I can try" I laughed. Alice cracked a smile.

My stomach growled loudly.

"I'm hungry" I said getting up from the couch.

"Me too, don't you want to cook for me?" Emmett said following me into the kitchen.

"Me too" Alice laughed.

"Okay okay" I said. "Don't attack me. I'm making breakfast though."

"Yay" Emmett said.

"Good morning" I said to everyone in the kitchen.

The only person that wasn't downstairs was Edward but he should be down soon. I went into the refrigerator and took out stuff for chocolate chip pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Edward came downstairs as I made the pancakes. I made a huge stack of pancakes, two plates of eggs, and a plate of bacon. I made enough for everyone just in case.

"Breakfast is ready" I called putting everything on the island.

Emmett was the first in, of course, and everyone followed him at a much slower pace.

"Thank you sweet heart" Esme said as she made herself a plate.

Everyone thanked me as they made their plates. Edward waited for me to serve myself before he made his. My plate was by far the smallest.

"Are you not hungry love?" Edward asked.

"When I cook I end up being less hungry than I started" I said honestly, smiling.

I was surprised that there was actually a little bit of left overs, but I knew someone would come for more and it would probably be Emmett. We all ate in the living room and watched Maury.

"You are… Not the father" I said with Maury with a laugh.

Everyone laughed.

"No" Emmett cried fake hysterically. "How could this happen?"

"See I told you" Rosalie said in a deep, man voice.

"I can take you to our counselor" I said in Maury's voice.

"Nooooo" Emmett cried in a high pitch.

We all started laughing again. My stomach hurt by the time we were calm again.

"These girls are so predictable" I said with a smile.

At 3:00 Jerry Springer came on.

"Emmett ask someone to help you clean up, we have to leave" Esme said.

"But Jerry Springer is on" Emmett and I whined at the same time.

Esme laughed lightly. "We are going to be late if we don't leave soon" She said. "I want it cleaned up by the time we get home" She told Emmett.

I pouted. "But Jerry Springer is so funny"

"Come on love" Edward smiled getting up and taking my hand.

"Wait" I said pulling back.

"No, come on" He said tugging me to him impatiently.

I frowned and pulled away from him. I walked away and put my sneakers on.

"Come on Bella" Edward said following me.

"Just unlock the car door, or do you want me to take my car?" I asked.

Edward pressed the button on his car remote and the doors unlocked. I went into the passenger's seat without a word.

"Bella, why are you acting so emotional?" Edward asked pulling out behind Carlisle and Esme.

"You have a temper problem" I said angrily.

"Me" Edward laughed humorlessly. "You're the one flipping out for no reason"

"Your controlling and impatient and can't control your temper" I said angrily.

"Are you serious right now Bella?" He asked angrily.

I didn't answer as I turned to look out the window.

"Don't ignore me"

"What would you like me to say, Edward?" I asked.

"Nothing" He said as we got near the office.

"I said nothing and you yelled at me"

"I want you to stop being a bitch" He yelled.

I didn't answer him. He parked next to Carlisle. I reached for the handle but Edward grabbed my wrist.

"I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean it"

"Let me go" I said quietly.

"Do you forgive me?" I didn't answer. "Bella" He said louder. "Do you forgive me?"

His hold on my wrist tightened.

"Yes" I cried out.

He let go of my wrist and I grabbed it. It throbbed as I tried to rub away the pain. I sighed as I got out the car. I didn't speak as I walked by Edward's side holding his hand.

_So much for not forgiving him_

**A/N: It can only go uphill from here. Review for faster update**


	46. Unforgiving

# BOB #  
>**AN: So I'm having some internet issues so I'm back on my phone. It may or may not be noticeable. It might not even work but if you're reading this than it obviously did. Sorry for such a long wait I'm been dealing with some stuff... Thank you faithful readers.**

"Isabella Swan" a woman called.

"It's just Bella" I said rudely.

I pulled away from Edward and walked up to the woman.

"I'm sorry Bella; can one of your parents come with you?"

"I don't care" I said folding my arms and hiding my hurting wrist.

"I'll go" Carlisle announced.

I followed behind them as the lady spoke in a soft voice. "I just need you to sign some papers, listen to a few papers, etc"

She led us to a nice sized room, for an office. Her desk was pushed in a corner but her chair was facing the door. In one corner there was a small sofa, kind of a love seat and next to it was a chair. The next corner was the door we had just walked through. The last corner was bare. I sat on the sofa and Carlisle took the chair. The door closed as I examined the red hand print on my wrist.

"I'm Cindy" she introduced.

"I'm Carlisle"

This was the part where I was expected to introduce myself but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't even acknowledge that they were speaking.

"This is Bella" Carlisle said after a semi awkward pause. "She is in a bad mood, I'm sorry."

"Its okay. I have clients that took weeks before they opened up and actually spoke to me" she said, I was beginning to wonder if she had a naturally soft voice. "I need you to sign these papers and Bella, you and Carlisle need to sign these papers."

I reached out and took the papers and pen that *Cindy* was trying to hand me. I signed the part that said 'i have read and understand the policies stated above. Client signature'

"Did you read it? It is very important" Cindy asked.

I didn't answer.

"It basically states that whatever you tell me is confidential unless I have reason to suspect that you are being abused or harming yourself." Cindy paused." With that being said, may I ask what happened to your wrist?"  
>I quickly his my wrist with my other hand.<p>

"Bella what happened to your wrist?" Carlisle asked seriously.

*Dammit*

"I hit it while I was getting dressed" I lied quietly.

"Let me see it"

I shook my head. "It isn't serious"

"Bella let me see your wrist" he repeated.

I could tell from Carlisle's tone that it wasn't an option. I held my wrist out to Carlisle, staring at my lap. Edward is going to be pissed if Carlisle figured it out.

"Bella that is a hand print. Did Edward do this?"

Once again I chose not to answer.

"Who is Edward?" Cindy asked.

*Nosy bitch*

"Edward is my son and her boyfriend." There was a long awkward pause before Carlisle hastily added "they aren't my biological children, I adopted them. Bit I consider them mine nonetheless."

"Of course" Cindy said.

"Now Bella answer me, did Edward do this to you?"

I bit my lip. Who would be angrier? Edward if I get him in trouble or Carlisle if I lied to him?

"It wasn't his fault" I said quickly.

"When did this happen?"

"On the way here" I whispered.

Carlisle let my arm for and blew out a long breath. When I looked up he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You ride home with me and Esme" he said.

I nodded without speaking. I didn't want to be near Edward right now anyway. I was pissed with him.

"So this Edward, does he hit her often?" Cindy asked as if I wasn't even in the room.

"No he doesn't" I said angrily, glaring holes into her forehead.

She frowned and looked momentarily lost in thought.

"He started therapy today as well, to help with temper control" Carlisle said.

"That's good" Cindy smiled. "So why exactly is Bella here?"

I wanted to tell them to stop talking like I wasn't there, but I was enjoying being left alone for once.

"I think she has manic depression, I'm a doctor but I don't have a degree in psychology. She also has something she needs to deal with and something she needs to control."

"What do you mean by that?" she asked writing something on a piece of paper.

"I it is best that you talk to Bella about that" Carlisle said politely but with a strange look on his face. Was it annoyance?

"Okay" Cindy said. "I'll be right back"  
>She was back a minute or 2 later.<p>

"Choose a book" she said.

She had three small books in her hand. The first book was red pink and white and there were hearts all over it. I look at it and disgust, what mood did you have to be to pick *that* book? The second book was black with designs all over it. There were skulls with heart eyes and purple hearts covering it. White swirls decorated the background and in big red letters the middle read stay out. The third book had flowers all over it and looked like a book for children. Naturally I picked the second one.

"Good" she said happily. " I need you to do something for me. You can either use this as an actual diary that you're comfortable with me reading or an emotion tracker, basically. At least twice a day I want you to exactly what you are feeling and why you feel that way."

I opened the book and saw that the pages were really pretty. The top of the page had a line made out of purple hearts. Under the hearts the lines were like school paper but in purple. the corner where you turn the page was a skull with heart eyes. All the way at the bottom of the page the page number was written in red.

"Do you mind doing that for me, being completely honest each day?"

I smiled at her because I loved the book. "No"

"At the top you can write the date and if you want you can write what you feel and at the bottom right why you feel that way. For example, you could have done today and wrote angry because you were being dragged to therapy."

I laughed lightly.

Cindy started to speak to Carlisle again but I tuned them out. I lean back until Cindy says we are out of time for the day. I frowned, here we go. When we were back in the front Carlisle hands me his key.

"You can wait in the car if you want"  
>He must have sensed my discomfort. I nodded silently and left. I sat in the back seat and put the key in the ignition, leaning back and closing my eyes. I must have dozed off for a second because I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of a door slamming. I opened my eyes in time to see Edward start his car and speed off. Carlisle and Esme got into the car.<p>

"Are you okay?" Esme asked.

I didn't answer. I didn't even care if I was being rude at this point. I was mad at everyone right now so I didn't want to talk and I didn't want to be talked to. She sighs and looks forward as we head home.

"I think you and Edward should put some distance between yourselves" Carlisle said.

I guess he didn't notice that I wasn't speaking to anybody , so once again I didn't answer. Maybe he was right, but then again maybe he was wrong. Right now I didn't want to talk to Edward so it didn't even matter. If this didn't make him believe he had a temper problem then I don't know what will. He said he wouldn't hurt me yet it was a bruise forming on my wrist.

We pulled into the garage and I was the first person out of the car. The house door was open so I went straight in and to my bedroom without being noticed by anybody. I changed into a sweat suit and went into the living room. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice were sitting around.

"Bella" Edward called when he saw me.

I ignored him. "Emmett can we go to the basement?"

"Yay, I've been dying for you to want to work out again." He said getting up with a huge smile.

We went to the basement and I took off my sweater, throwing it on the floor by the laundry room.

"Here, put these on" he said handing me sweat bands.

I asked him what we were going to do as I put it on the head and wrist bands.

"We are starting by making you run half a mile to get your heart racing"  
>He walk to the treadmill and I followed behind him. he set it to go fast saying that I really had to run. He was in personal trainer mode. I started running automatically, clutching the bars for dear life and hoping I wouldn't slip. I ran half a mile in 7 minutes and was already starting to sweat. I could feel my heart racing in my chest.<p>

"How do you feel?" He asked handing me a bottle of cold water from the mini fridge.

"Fine" I said sipping the water. "I want to fight today"

We walked to the boxing area, putting our waters on the floor a few feet away. I grabbed the red gloves and Emmett grabbed the black ones. He moved the punching bag as I put my gloves on. I watched in surprise, forgetting how strong he was. He put his gloves on quickly and spoke as our gloves touched in the middle of the mat.

"Bella you have to focus, I really don't want to hurt you" I could see the same worry in his eyes from when he first said we could work out together.  
>"I don't want you to fake it Emmett, I learn through practice" I said seriously, taking a step back from him.<p>

He sighed. "That may not be smart"

"Fight me like you want me to learn, not like I'm some fragile little girl"

I swung at him and caught him in his jaw. He looked at me in surprise.

"You have some bite in those scrawny arms"

I was momentarily distracted by his words and he caught me in the chest. I coughed loudly as I fell. I stayed on the floor for a few seconds, trying to catch my breath.

"I'm not going to hit you too hard but are you sire you want to do this?"

I nodded and got up. We touched gloves again.

"Stay focused" he said as he stepped back. "Distraction can get you really hurt."

I stepped forward and swung for his face. Emmett ducked to the side and caught my arm at the same time. I groaned and stepped back.

"It takes twice the energy to swing and miss than it does to swing and hit" Emmett said seriously. "We'll do this though; I will stand in front of you and swing at you. Either block my hits or duck out of the way."

I nodded. Emmett came in front of me. I watched him and was *still* caught by surprise when he swung. His hand stops right in front of my face, making him sigh.

"You aren't focusing"  
>"I'm trying"<p>

"Try harder" he ordered.

I nodded. This time I watched his face but kept on hands in my peripheral vision. When he swung I ducked.

"Good"

He swung again and I slapped his hand away. We did this for a while and I was sweating by the time he was satisfied.

"Now we can fight." He said.

We touched gloves in the middle of the mat. I swung at him first and of course I missed, but he caught my side.

"You aren't trying your hardest" he said.

"I have no reason to hit you" I said because I really was not trying my hardest.

"Then" he paused. "Pretend I'm Charlie"

I paused for a second. Would that work?

"I'm scared of him" I finally whispered. That's was the first time I ever admitted that to anyone.

"Think of this as facing your fear"

I took a deep breath and nodded. After a pause we started again. This fight lasted way longer. I actually hit Emmett a few times, but he hit me a few more times. I was glad he never hit my face though. I was also glad that the gloves help cushion the blows a little. I fell when he caught my chest again. Only this time I took off my gloves and so did Emmett.

"You did good" he said as he reached out a hand

I took it, still breathing heavy. Emmett was barely sweating and I felt like I was drenched.

"How are you so, not tired?"

"I used to work out harder than this."

"Am I finished" I asked hopefully as I finished half of my bottle of water.  
>It felt wonderful to have the cold running through my hot body.<p>

"No, you need to work on upper body strength."

"I'm strong" I pouted, unsure of how true that was.

"Okay than give me 20 pushups."

I got down and did one.

"I can't" I said as I got up with a frown.

"Exactly" Emmett laughed at me. "You are only strong if you are angry and fighting. Do you want to lift weights for 10 minutes or to 5 chin ups."

"Chin ups" I said, I was pretty sure I could lift myself.

He took me to the bar and lifted me. I grabbed the bar and he let me go. Automatically my arms started burning and I let go. It felt like a long way down before I fell to my knees.

"I'm heavy"

"No you are weak" Emmett laughed.

"Again"

I got up angrily. I am not weak! He lifted me again and I grabbed the bars tightly. He let go and my arms protested. I ignored it and tried to pull myself up. I got maybe 3 inches up before I went back down.

"Try harder" he ordered.

"I am" I said angrily.

I tried again and got maybe 4 inches. I didn't realized what happened until I was on the floor on my knees. I groaned. Thank goodness Emmett had all of the floor matted.

"I am weak" I said in defeat.

Emmett laughed. "Okay you need to walk it off, you're done for the day."

I nodded happily, if I wasn't so tired I'm pretty sure I would have done the happy dance. I finished the water as I walked to the treadmill. Emmett took the empty bottle as I stepped on the machine. The walk was easy except that it was a 15 minute walk for my exhausted body.

"You are going to be sore in the morning" Emmett laughed as we made our way upstairs.

"It was worth it"

We walked to the living room and I was glad I put on a black T-shirt and sweat pants. Everyone was in the living room and I didn't want them to see how sweaty I was.

"Bella can we talk?" Edward asked, standing up.

"I need to take a shower"

I walked towards him because I needed to get to the stairs. Edward reached out and grabbed me. I spun to face him angrily.

"Let me go" I ordered. His hand dropped. "I swear to god Edward the next time I try to walk away and you grab me I am going to slap you"

He looked at me in surprise. "Bella I just want to talk to you" he said sadly.

"Sorry but I don't want to be a *bitch* so I'm leaving."

I saw the guilt and sadness in his face and it almost made me stop. *Almost*. I brushed past him and went to my room.

"Bella, it is dinner time" Carlisle called as I got out of the shower.

I looked at my clock and saw that it was 7:30. I put on pajamas and went downstairs. My hair hung loosely down my back and was still slightly dripping. I sat at my spot with everyone except Carlisle and Esme. When everyone was at the table we started eating. Edward's foot touched mine and I looked up at him. His eyes were sad and pleading. I shook my head and looked down at my food.

"You've barely touched you food." Carlisle said.

"I'm not very hungry" I said honestly. "I'm just really tired and want to go to bed."

"It isn't even 8"

Jasper looked at me sadly. I felt bad for him. He had to sit here and deal with my emotions and Edward's.

"She's probably tired from today's workout." Emmett laughed.

"Definitely" I said with a small smile.

I knew it was my emotions that were making me so tired but I wasn't going to say that.

"May I be excused?"

"Of course dear" Esme said before Carlisle could oppose.

I picked up my plate and glanced at Edward. His eyes were teary and he was pulling his hair. He pushed away from the table abruptly and I jumped in surprise. He didn't say anything as he walked away. A few seconds later the front door slammed and I jumped again. My eyes filled with tears. I suddenly felt guilty. Without speaking I reached across the table and grabbed Edward's plate.

"You don't have to worry about that dear" Esme said softly.

"Its fine" I whispered.

I dumped our plates, washed them, and stuck them in the dishwasher. I didn't bother saying goodnight to anyone before I went to bed.

Throughout the night I tossed and turned, crying. My bed felt empty and that's because it was, and that was my own fault. My heart hurt...

**A/N: Edward needs time to think about what he did. Its going to get better soon. I thought about a twist so there might be a surprise in the next few chapters about something no one even probably noticed. Or I may be ending the story soon. Review and tell me if I should add a twist or bring the story to an end. Like always review for a faster update. With this time being the exception because of technical difficulties.** 


	47. Sleeping

# Bella's POV #  
>At 6 in the morning I realized that I really wasn't going to fall asleep. My head was pounding and I swear I could feel my brain throbbing. I just wanted to go out.<p>I climbed out of bed quietly and went to my closet. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt. I quickly changed leaving my pajamas on the floor in front of my closet door. I quickly pulled on a pair of socks. Next I went to the bathroom, brushed my hair and teeth, and washed my face. I went to my dresser and paused for a second because I was hit with a dizzy spell. When I passed I grabbed my small clutch. I slid my keys, iPod, and wallet in it. This was the first time I was actually leaving with my wallet, just in case.<p>

I walked to my door and opened it quietly. The hallway was dark and silent; Edward's door was closed. I closed my door behind me as quietly as humanly possible. I tip toed through the hallway and down the stairs. I was glad that I had always been light on my feet. I didn't risk unlocking the front door because of the chain and bolt. Instead and slipped through the door that lead to the garage, grabbing my sneakers on the way. I quickly found my car parked between Edward's car and Jasper's motorcycle.

I unlocked the car and got in, making sure not to slam the door. I didn't want anyone to wake up. I wasn't really sneaking out. I just didn't want to bother anyone. I was very glad that I didn't have my loud truck that was sure to wake the entire house. My car purred quietly. The loudest part of leaving was the garage door opening and even that wasn't too loud. I stopped and made sure it closed. Right before I pulled out of the driveway I was hit with another dizzy spell.

*Maybe it isn't smart to drive right now. You haven't slept all night and your head is spinning* a voice in my head said.

I ignored it. I was fine. I pulled out slowly and just started driving. I don't know where I am going, but I need to get out of the house. I need to get away from everything. I just wished I could run away from myself.

The streets were empty, people where still getting ready for work or even waking up, no one was on there way yet. At least not on this street. For a second I dozed off but I jumped up really fast. My heart was racing as I realized I was in the wrong lane. I swerved back into my lane. And pulled over slowly. I plugged my iPod in and put on loud rock music. My head pounded harder but it would keep me awake and alive.

I had been driving for over an hour before I decided to go to the shopping area. It took me half an hour to get there and people started to get on the roads, making me more cautious. I didn't want to kill myself and someone else.

I parked in the coffee shop parking lot and got out. I was glad they were open even though it was only 8. No one was there except a lady at the cash register. "Hey" I said, voice thick with sleep.

The lady looked up at me and looked to be in her early 30s.

"Oh my, dear you look exhausted." She said looking at me.

She must be a mother because that was how Esme would respond.

"I am" I said honestly. "Can I get an iced hazel nut coffee?" I asked quietly.

The woman nodded. The only reason I got iced was because it was already getting hot outside. She came back and handed me the cup.

"I'll sit right there so you don't think I'm trying to run off without paying." I said pointing to the closest table.

"No problem"

I sipped the coffee and my stomach growled.

"May I get a chocolate chip muffin too?" I asked before I left.

The woman disappeared and came back a few seconds later handing me my muffin wrapped in a napkin.

"Thank you" I said as I walked to the table.

I ate the muffin slowly, finally feeling the effects of not eating dinner. I finished the coffee quickly before ordering another one.

When I ordered my third one the lady objected softly. "Are you sure you need more coffee?"

"I have a long drive ahead of me and I've been awake since yesterday morning." I said honestly.

She gave me a small smile as she made my 3rd large cup of iced coffee. I reached into my clutch and pulled out my bank card. This was the first time I used it. She rang it up and I signed the bottom of the receipt.

"Actually can I get one more" I said handing her the card back.

She didn't oppose this time as she put the cup on the counter.

"Thank you" I said politely after she gave me back my card.

I just spent $20 on coffee. I grabbed the second cup and headed outside. Someone coming in held the door open for me. I mumbled a thanks before heading back to my car. I finished the 3rd cup by the time I got home. It was already 10 when I parked. I grabbed my cup of coffee and sipped it as I walked into the house, leaving my sneakers in the car.

"Bella thank goodness you are okay" Esme said as I walked in. "We were so worried about you"

She hugged me almost spilling my coffee.

"She's here" Esme called.

Edward ran down the stairs, followed by Carlisle.

"Bella I called you a million times" Edward said frantically. He hugged me and I had to hold my coffee to the side so it wouldn't spill.

"Please don't ever do that again" Carlisle said with a worried look on his face.

"My phone is in my room and I'm sorry" I said to both of them.

I sipped my coffee and looked at Edward. He looked like me. He had bags under his eyes and they looked bruised. Fatigue was obvious in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Esme" I said turning to her. "I couldn't sleep all night and just needed to get away. I just got some coffee and had a muffin"

I spun towards Carlisle. Only when I stopped spinning the room kept spinning. I stumbled back into the door and my head pounded louder.

"Bella are you okay?" Carlisle asked worriedly.

I was glad that store cups had tops and a straw or I'd be drenched.

"Yeah" I said as it passed. "I've been dizzy since 6 in the morning when I left from lack of sleep" I said honestly. "You got in your car and drove while you were having dizzy spells" Edward semi screamed.

My hands shot up and I covered my ears.

"Can you not scream, my head really hurts." I begged quietly.

I drank half of my coffee in a breath.

"I just can't sleep" I said, not explaining why.

Carlisle walked away and came back a second later. He took my coffee as I put the straw to my lips.

"Hey" I whined.

"Take these and go lay down"

He handed me two little white pills and a bottle of water. I shrugged and swallowed the pills with water quietly.

"How much sleep did you get?" Carlisle turned to Edward.

He shrugged. "An hour or two"

"Go lay down or I'll make you take sleeping pills too" Carlisle threatened.

"I want to talk to Bella"

"Well that has to wait. She should be sleeping in the next hour at most. She should actually fall asleep in 10 to 15 minutes. Both of you go lay down" Carlisle ordered.

I started for the steps but apparently my body felt the need to prove Carlisle right. My vision darkened and I fell on the stairs. I barely caught myself in time to stop myself from hitting my face. Suddenly the stairs felt very comfortable. I folded my arms on the step by my head and laid my head down, closing my eyes. I think even without the pills I would have fallen asleep.

"What are you doing?" Edward said touching my arm.

I jumped in surprise but was too tired to get up. So I just groaned in response. "I'm going to take you to bed" he said.

Suddenly I was being lifted like a baby. I snuggled into Edward's shirt covered chest. I breathed in his scent and was automatically put at ease.

I dozed off but woke up as Edward put me down. I grabbed his shirt quickly.

"Bella, you have to let my shirt go" he whispered gently.

"No" I barely whispered. "Please don't leave again, that's why I couldn't sleep last night"

Edward paused for a second and then unknots my hand from his shirt.

"Please" I said one more time.

I felt weight on the bed next to me. I automatically turned towards it without opening my eyes. I turned onto my back and tried to take my jeans off. My body was acting weak so it wasn't working. I groaned.

"Can I get a pair of scissors?" I half joked. My voice was weak even to my ears.

"I'll do it" Edward chuckled.

He moved and unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off. I pulled my shirt off as he laid back down. With the rest of my strength I turned and snuggled into his body. It still amazed me how well our bodies fit together. My breathing got shallow a few seconds before I finally slipped into dreamland.

When I woke up I was alone. I frowned and reached to where Edward was supposed to be but it was empty. I sat up and my head started pounding. So it was all a dream, Edward didn't stay with me. I hid my face in my hands and started sobbing. This was all my fault and Edward is never going to forgive me for being so hurtful. I didn't look up when I heard my door open.

"Why are you crying?" Edward's voice said softly.

I shook my head, even if he did stay with me I wasn't ready to get back with him. I didn't even want to talk.

"Well, I was coming to wake you up for dinner" he said quietly.

I nodded and moved off of the bed.

"Bella" he called before I got to the door. I paused and looked at him. "Clothes" he asked.

I looked down and blushed. My head still hurt and I wanted to go back to sleep. I walked to my closet and got a pair of pajamas and dressed quickly. Next I went to my bathroom and washed my face. As I put my hair up I stared at my reflection. Once again my eyes were dark blue. I looked exhausted despite that it was 7 and I'd been sleeping for about 9 hours.

I left the bedroom slowly and followed Edward downstairs and to the table. We sat down in our spots.

"How do you feel Bella?" Carlisle asked as we started eating.

"Fine" I whispered.

My stomach churned painfully at the sight of the spaghetti on my plate. I jumped up from the table and ran to the guest bathroom. I wished I still had something in my stomach to throw up. Instead it was just water and it hurt more. After I rinsed out my mouth I made my way back to the dining room.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly. "I don't think I'm very hungry, just tired"

"Its probably a side effect from the Zaleplon" Carlisle said. "Maybe I should've just given you one. How about this, you serve yourself some salad from the fridge and take it to your room. Try to eat before you go back to sleep."

"Okay" I said quietly.

I did as Carlisle said and was now sitting on my bed with a bowl of untouched salad and a bottle of water. My head pounded and my eyes kept drooping shut. My bed it too comfortable for this to work. I got off my bed and sat on the floor. It helped long enough for me to finish half of my salad and a quarter of my water.

I put my bowl and bottle in front of me and laid down on the cold floor. I forced another fork full of salad into my mouth and almost choked when I yawned. I chewed slowly and swallowed right before I fell back to sleep.

A/N: this was more of a filler chapter especially since I needed to say that I might not be updating for a while. Sorry. Please still review. 


	48. Chapter 48

**Bella's POV**

I woke up in my bed around 2 in the morning to a growling stomach. I slipped out of bed and left my room quietly. I went downstairs and straight into the kitchen. I went through the fridge and the cabinets before I settled on a bowl of honey nut cheerios. I ate two bowls at the island before I washed my dishes and put everything away. I wasn't really sleepy anymore.

When I sat back down my thoughts traveled to my mother. How would my life be if she had never cheated, and if Charlie was my real father? Would mommy still be alive? Would Charlie have never started drinking? Where would I be now?

I snuck back up to my room and dressed in a sweat suit. I decided to go outside for a run. I ran through the woods until my legs started to burn and then stopped and sat on the dirt and grass. I leaned against a tree. It was peaceful out here; all you could here was crickets. The birds were still sleeping. I must have dozed off or zoned out because the next thing I knew, the sun was rising. By the time I got home the sky was fully lit, which meant it was about 7. Being outside can really make you lose track of time, I had been out there for about 4 and a half hours.

"Bella" Esme questioned when I walked in the house.

"Good morning Esme" I said with a smile.

"What were you doing out so early?" She asked. She seemed genuinely curious.

"I woke up at 2 and had a bowl of cereal and then went for a run. I think I fell asleep in the middle of the woods though" I laughed.

"Well at least your home safe" She said with a smile.

Carlisle came out the kitchen and kissed Esme before saying goodbye to both of us. I forgot he had to work.

"How are you feeling?" Esme asked, her eyes searching mine.

"Fine" I said with a shrug.

Esme smiled and I went up to my room. I grabbed the book Cindy gave me and a pen. I wrote the date at the top of the page and started to write.

_Sad, I guess. It is 7 in the morning and I'm up. I got up at 2 and went for a run, took a nap in the woods and came home. I was thinking about my mother earlier. I can't help but wonder what would be different if she wouldn't have cheated and lied. I also know that I don't have any excuses now. I'm going to have to hear Edward out today. I want to just forgive him and let it pass, it's not like it's his fault I can't control my temper. But he wants me to forgive him, but not forgive I'm at the same time. I wish he would just make up his mind. I don't even think I should forgive him. He barely gave the bruise on my face time to heal before he decided to bruise my wrist! __Sometimes I wonder…__ I wish I knew what it took to keep him happy. I think I'll just forgive him, it's easier and I just won't ignore him anymore. I don't know. Great, now I'm sad and confused.__ Bella_

I closed the book and hid it under my pillow. I grabbed my laptop and played a hidden object game until 10. The only reason I stopped was because I was getting a headache from watching the screen for so long. I got ready for the day and went downstairs at 11:30 in jeans and a tee-shirt.

"Did you fall back to sleep?" Esme asked as I sat in the living room with her and the rest of the family, minus Carlisle.

"Nope" I said. "Esme I was wondering if I could buy a guitar" I asked softly.

"You play guitar?" Jasper asked happily.

I laughed at his excitement. "Yeah, do you"

"Yeah, I have an electric in my room"

"I play acoustic" I smiled.

"Let's go buy one, right now" Alice said excitedly.

I looked over to see Esme nod.

"We are only getting the guitar Alice" I said seriously.

"I know" She said with a pout.

Only Jasper, Alice, and I went. When we got to Guitar Center Jasper and I went straight to the acoustic area while Alice looked at electric guitars.

"Can she play too?" I asked Jasper.

"No, she can't sit long enough for a lesson, she is too hyper."

I laughed because I knew he was right. We looked at guitars for 10 minutes before I decided on one that was dark brown on the outside and got lighter as it came towards the center. I also picked out a pack of picks with a bunch of different colors and designs. I was shocked that totaled at over $1,000. I tried to put it back.

"Bella, what do you expect, it's a Huss & Dalton. Look I'll take half the bill, but Esme wouldn't mind. She'd actually be happy that you know you can spend money because you're part of the family"

I had to have protested for 15 minutes before Alice decided to intervene. She took my card from me and gave it to the lady in front. I signed with guilt, but couldn't help but smile as it was put in its case and handed to me.

"I will pay you back" I said to Esme as soon as I saw her. "It was just so beautiful and Jasper thought so too and-"

Esme smiled at me as I told her how much it was and why.

"It is alright dear, you're part of this family, don't worry about it. It won't hurt any of us, I promise."

I threw my arms around Esme in complete joy. She hugged me back with a smile and told me she was ordering pizza for lunch.

I ran to the piano room to tune the guitar. When I was done I took the guitar to my room to play. I strummed the strings gently; the music brought a small smile to my face and tears to my eyes. I couldn't help but remember getting my first guitar on Christmas. _This is from me and daddy; we know how much you want to learn_. I ripped the paper off and screamed with excitement. I was willing to spend the extra hour to practice after piano lessons. The only bad thing was that I wouldn't get home until 5:30. But at 5 years old, time doesn't really matter.

I played for a few seconds before the lyrics came to my mind.

_When I was younger I saw my daddy cry_

_And curse at the wind_

_He broke his own heart and I watched_

_As he tried to reassemble it_

_And my momma swore_

_That she would never let herself forget_

_And that was the day that I promised_

_I'd never sing of love if it does not exist_

_But darling,_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_Maybe I know somewhere_

_Deep in my soul_

_That love never lasts_

_And we've got to find other ways_

_To make it alone_

_Or keep a straight face_

_And I've always lived like this_

_Keeping a comfortable distance_

_And up until now id sworn to myself_

_That I'm content with loneliness_

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

_Well you are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_You are the only exception_

_I've got a tight grip on reality,_

_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here_

_I know you're leaving in the morning_

_When you wake up_

_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream, oh_

_You are the only exception [x8]_

_And I'm on my way to believing_

_Oh and I'm on my way to believing._

I thought about Edward as I sung. A small smile played on my lips for a while, but then I remembered we had yet to solve the issue. I put my guitar on the stand by my window.

"Pizza is here" Esme called.

I went downstairs slowly, thinking happy thoughts. In the living room 5 boxes of large pizza pies sat on the coffee table and Emmett was sitting in front with a smile. I laughed at his hunger.

"I should be back around 6 to cook; I have to meet with a potential client"

We all said bye and sat around to eat. How much the boys ate still amazed me. Jasper and Edward finished a box each, Emmett finished a box and a half, and Alice, Rosalie, and I each had half a box. I think we were all stuffed by the time we were done.

"It's already 2" Rosalie commented.

I laughed at her randomness and she smiled.

"What do you guys want for dinner?" I asked even though I couldn't imagine them being hungry before six.

"You're going to cook?" Emmett asked, smiling hopefully.

"Yeah, Esme is working so the least I could do is make dinner, with your help of course." I smiled.

"I don't think you want Emmett in the kitchen, unless, of course, your plan is to burn the house down" Rosalie laughed, but she was serious.

"He won't be anywhere near the stove" I laughed. "Let's go to the super market and decide there."

Emmett pouted and led me to his car, with me laughing the entire way. We shopped quickly and came back home. Emmett stopped pouting when we started cooking. I didn't let him near the stove at all. He was excited because I had to make dessert first, because it took the longest.

Esme got home with Carlisle as dinner finished and I stuck the dessert in the oven.

"It smells delicious in here" Esme commented as she walked in.

"Bella and Emmett cooked" Rosalie said.

Everyone walked into the dining room as I was serving everyone. They all laughed when they saw Emmett in a 'Kiss the Chef' apron. He blushed and went back into the kitchen, coming out with it off.

"We made manicotti with salad, dessert is in the oven." Emmett announced.

I laughed at him, I couldn't help it.

We all ate in semi-silence. Everyone commented on how good the dinner was and I laughed as Emmett took all the credit; no one believed him, but everyone went along. I finished as the oven dinged. I literally ran so it wouldn't burn. I set up each plate as Emmett came in to help me. We quickly served everyone chocolate molten lava cake with vanilla ice cream, a strawberry, and confectioners' sugar on top for design.

I was stuffed by the time we were all finished and everyone looked happy, except Edward.

"Can we talk now?" He asked.

I frowned and sighed, but nodded none the less.

"Upstairs" He said.

I followed him up after saying goodnight, I had a feeling I wouldn't want talk to anyone after this talk. I followed him silently into his room and he closed the door behind us.

"Bella I'm so-" Edward started.

"Sorry, I know" I cut him off.

"Then why haven't you spoken to me, why have you been ignoring me?"

"Because I don't forgive you" I said quietly, finally looking at him.

Edward's eyes were wide with shock.

"What?"

"I don't forgive you" I repeated quieter.

"Why not" He asked angrily

"Why should I forgive you Edward?" I asked without looking away from him.

"Because I didn't mean to hurt you again" He said seriously.

"Again being the key word" I said. "You've done it before, and I don't believe that you won't do it again if you can't control your temper."

Edward looked pissed now. "Bella" He said in disbelief.

"Would you have told Alice to forgive Jasper if he hit her, or given her any bruise?" I asked seriously.

"No, but we aren't Alice and Jasper, Bella. This is me and you." He said frantically.

I paused for a second and wondered what was going on in his head.

"Bella" He said. "Please don't just leave it at this, Bella I love you. I don't just like you, I love you. Don't walk away from me because I messed up."

"What about your father?" I said with a flinch. "I'm not saying that you are your father, but he said sorry to your mother didn't he?"

Edward nodded and opened his mouth but I cut him off.

"He probably did what you're doing now. He probably said sorry and told her how much he loved her. But he kept doing it didn't he?"

"Bella we are not my parents" Edward said with tears in his eyes.

Seeing Edward so hurt and frantic brought tears to my eyes. My vision swam momentarily.

"Bella, we will never be my parents" He continued.

"And" I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. "I don't want to replace Charlie with you in my head. I don't want to be afraid of you too. Edward I love you too, which is why we can't keep doing this. I don't want to ruin this when it could get better." I said.

I walked towards the door but Edward blocked my way.

"Bella, please, one more chance. Bella I won't ever lay a hand on you again" He promised.

But that was just now talking. It wasn't him angry at me and me in his face.

"Let me out the room" I whispered, tears finally falling from my eyes.

"Please" Edward whispered one last time.

He stepped out of my way and I walked out of the room. I was barely out of his room before I heard his sobs. I felt my heart break and I started sobbing too. I ran into my room and cried myself to sleep.

My heart told me that I did the wrong thing, but my head told me I did the right thing. I couldn't help but wonder who was right.

**A/N: I got out the very much avoided conversation. I feel like I went in the right direction with it. Bella needs to be stronger and this seemed to be the way to do it. Just because there are tears doesn't mean they aren't strong. Bella is strong for what she said and Edward is strong for letting her walk away.**

**Also sorry for the long wait my internet got cut off. Please review because I am very sad with the reviews I got for the last chapter.**


	49. Chapter 49

**Bella's POV**

How can one conversation ruin so much, when it was supposed to slowly fix everything?

"Earth to Bella" Alice said with a frown.

Her fingers snap in front of my face.

I look up; we're still sitting in the food court.

"Where did everyone go?" I asked emotionless.

"They are waiting for us in Staples, you zoned out again"

"Sorry" I frowned, getting up from the seat.

"When are you two going to fix this?" Alice asks quietly as we walk towards Staples.

"When we're ready" I whispered.

"He's ready" Alice said. "Bella, it's been two weeks. You two don't even look at each other anymore"

Tears filled my eyes.

"Can't you just talk to him?" Alice whispered sadly.

"I have nothing to say"

We walked through the doors to Staples where everyone was waiting for us.

"I'm going to Barnes and Nobles" I announced to no one in particular.

I turned without looking at anyone. I spent an hour in the bookstore before I was happy with the books I had chosen. I had picked out a 7 part series, Harry Potter. It was supposed to be good, good enough that they made it into movies. I just couldn't get them when they came out.

I looked at my phone, surprised that Alice hadn't texted me that they were done. Then again, knowing Alice they were at another store. I walked through the mall without looking up, until I bumped into someone.

"Sorry" I said quickly, looking up.

There was a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Hey Bella"

"Hey Jordan" I said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm supposed to be shopping for school stuff. I waited till the last minute like always." He laughed as we walked towards the parking lot.

"My family did too" I laughed. "They were in Staples a little while ago"

"So where's your boyfriend?" Jordan asked when we got to my car.

I tossed the bag into the passenger seat because there was no space in my trunk.

I looked up at him in confusion.

"Edward" He trailed off in a confused tone.

"Oh" I said. "He's umm; we urm" I was at a loss for words.

We didn't officially break up, but we obviously aren't together. Not that Jordan needs to know that.

"He is your boyfriend, right?" Jordan asked, hopefully.

"Kind of" I said.

"Kind of, like how we were?" Jordan asked, waving his eye brows suggestively.

"No" I said with a blush and a small smile.

"We didn't break up, but we aren't talking" I said honestly, with a fake 'don't care' shrug.

"So you aren't together" Jordan concluded happily.

"I don't want what we used to have anymore. If that's what you want then, well, you have the wrong one" I said, straight to the point.

"Someone's changed" Jordan teased.

I shrugged. "Can't we just be friends?" I asked.

"Sure"

"No benefits" I added.

"I know" Jordan pouted.

I laughed. "Well I'm going home"

"Is that an invitation?"

"Esme is home"

"Your mother, for all intents and purposes?" Jordan asked.

I nodded.

"Well as friends we should be able to go to each other's houses" Jordan said.

I had a feeling he was thinking like friends with benefits, but ignored the thoughts. I knew how to say no; I think.

"You're right" I said. "Come on"

Jordan got in the passenger's seat and put of rap music as I drove. I laughed as he rapped along to the song.

"You're such a dweeb" I said I parked in the garage.

"Say the one with a huge bag full of books" He retorted.

I laughed. "Touché"

I grabbed the bag, but left the other bags in the trunk. I didn't notice until I unlocked the front door that Esme's car was missing.

"Are we going to your room?" Jordan asked suggestively.

"Yeah" I said. "But if you can't handle it we can stay in the living room"

"I've handled it before" He flirted.

"That is not what I meant" I said with a blush.

"I know, I know" Jordan said as we got to the third floor.

"Whose rooms are on this floor?" Jordan asked, hiding his awe for the house's size.

"That one is Edward's" I said pointing. "And this one is mine" I said opening the door.

"And what about a bathroom?"

"We have our own" I said. "Make yourself at home."

"Well at home I like to chill in my boxers"

"Not _that _at home than" I said, rolling my eyes.

He just laughed and sat on my bed. We goofed around for a while. Then we wrestled and it was fun. We were breathing heavily by the time we were done.

"Let me take you back to the mall" I said. "You are a good friend"

"You are too" Jordan laughed loudly.

I blushed and stuck my tongue out as we made our way downstairs. I ran my hand through my hair to tame it as we hit the first floor and the front door opened. Jordan froze, goofy grin still on his face, I froze too in surprise.

Rosalie and Emmett looked at us with wide eyes, Alice's expression quickly turned into a glare, and Jasper just backed out slowly. But Edward, the color drained from his face and all emotion went with it.

"We'll talk when I get back" Edward didn't look like he heard me. "Jordan, let's go"

I reached back and grabbed Jordan's shirt. We practically had to push our way out of the house. Jordan laughed as soon as we were out of the house.

"I'm screwed" I mumbled with a frown.

"Why?" He asked as we got in the car and I pulled off.

"They probably think we had sex because we were home alone and we were breathing heavy and, it just looked bad."

"I thought you said umm Esme was home" Jordan said.

"I thought she was, but when we got there her car wasn't there"

"She we had all that time to-"

I looked over at Jordan. "Do you know how to be just friends with a girl?" I asked looking back in front of me.

"Not one as hot as you"

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't stop the blush.

Jordan tried to kiss me when I parked next to his car, but I turned so he kissed my cheek.

"Cullen really has changed you. I don't like it" Jordan said with a frown.

I smirked and waved before pulling off. I hoped the hour drive to the mall and then the hour drive back home gave everyone time to cool off. I parked in front of the house but once again left the bags in the car. Esme and Carlisle's cars were still missing (thank goodness).

I walked in quietly.

"What the fuck Bella" I heard before I even closed the house door.

I looked at the stairs and at a very angry pixie.

"Uh, hi Alice" I said slowly, with a small smile.

"Don't you dare smile at me! What were you thinking?"

"Oh god," I said, rolling my eyes. "Maybe the short temper thing runs through the Mason blood"

Alice looked at me with a very red face.

"Where is Esme?" I asked.

It was almost dinner time and I would cook if she was going to be home late.

"Were you asking that when you were cheating on my brother?" Alice half yelled.

I looked at her for a second before brushing past her and going to my room. I made a show of slamming my door loudly. I lie on my bed and shake my head at everyone. Did Edward really believe I cheated on him? I mean he couldn't, I told him I loved him. I should go talk to them, tell them nothing happened, but I shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone. Jordan and I didn't sleep together so I don't care. Everyone can think what they want!

I closed my eyes and let myself drift off. I was woken up by knocking on my door.

"Come in" I said tiredly.

"We ordered Chinese and got you shrimp fried rice with boneless rib tips, I hope you don't mind" Rosalie said.

"It's fine."

"Well it's here" She said with a smile.

"You seem to be to the only person that wasn't affected by earlier"

Rosalie looked at me for a second without speaking. "Why was he here?" She said finally.

"He wanted to come over, as friends." I said honestly. "I didn't know Esme wasn't home"

"So you guys didn't-"

"No" I said seriously. "Definitely not. Went there once and don't plan on going back."

Rosalie sighed in relief. "I didn't know what to think. I mean I didn't think you did but I wasn't sure. It looked pretty bad. Your hair was messy, and he was smiling, and you were both breathing heavily."

"We were wrestling actually" I laughed. "I know that me and Edward aren't talking right now. But I think I'm doing the right thing about it. And I really do love him." I said with a frown.

"I know you do. No one else would put up with his BS if they didn't."

"It doesn't look like I'm doing too well about putting up with it either"

"Well, as long as you're doing what you think is right" Rosalie trailed off as we walked down stairs.

"I don't know what to think anymore"

We made it to the first floor and towards the living room. Who would've thought I could talk to talk to anyone about this, especially Rose? Everyone sat in the living room except Esme and Carlisle; and of course Rosalie whom was next to me. Emmett and Jasper didn't look at me. Edward was looking in the opposite direction from me. Alice was glaring daggers at me. Suddenly I wasn't very hungry any more.

"Can you stop looking at me like I killed your puppy?" I said rudely to Alice, folding my arms and glaring back at her.

If possible, her glare got angrier.

"Really Bella" She started.

I put my hand up, cutting her off. "I don't need to explain myself to you. Edward" I paused nervously. "Can we talk?"

After a few long moments I thought he wasn't going to answer. Until finally "I don't want to talk"

I looked at the back of his head with wide eyes. His tone was empty, uncaring.

"Well we need to talk"

"No we don't" He said angrily. "I have nothing to say to you"

"I have something to say to you" I said. "Can we do this privately?"

He got up and walked towards me. I was shocked. His glare was darker than Alice's, and definitely scarier.

"I don't want to hear it" He said angrily.

His arm bumped into mine as he walked by me. I stumbled back from the force and tears swam in my eyes.

"You deserve it" Alice said when Edward went upstairs.

Her voice was softer, but it just made me angrier.

"I didn't have sex with him" I said angrily. "It's fucked up that you are supposed to be my best friend but you think I'm really that big of a slut. I love Edward and wouldn't have done that to him"

Tears fell from my eyes. Alice looked up with wide eyes as Jasper nodded, probably confirming that I was telling the truth. I turned and walked straight out the front door and went to my car. I grabbed my keys from my pocket and drove away as Alice ran out the front door.

The sun was almost fully set, so the little bit of sunlight left was making my vision worse than the tears were. I had been driving around for a while when I heard my phone ring. I jumped in surprise because I thought it was home. I slowed down and looked in the passenger's seat, barely seeing the phone on the floor. I reached over but the car swerved. I jumped up and pulled over.

_Alice_

I hit ignore and started driving again. I drove until it was pitch black outside. My phone kept ringing, and it was really starting to annoy me. I reached over and put it on silent. I drove until my eyes started to droop, and even then I didn't stop. After a while I pulled over and out of the street. My radio clock said that it was 12:55AM. I should go home; I should have been home hours ago. I don't want to go home though.

With that thought I took the keys out of the ignition and stared forward. A few cars were passing, people living vampire lives. Maybe they couldn't sleep. Maybe they were running too, how many people were out right now, running from their problems? Was there anyone else out there that chose running over fixing it? Or was it just me?

I looked over at the radio, but it was off. Of course it was; the car isn't on.

Edward hates me… Tears blurred my vision again, making the little bit of light out here into blurry dots. No one should've assumed I was with Jordan! I grabbed my phone to check the time and saw _50 missed calls, 20 new messages. _I looked at the time and saw that somehow time had slipped as I cried. It was 4:30AM. I don't know how far I am from home; I was driving for a few hours before I got here. I started the car and headed back in the direction I thought was home.

By the time I got home, the sun was high up in the sky, giving me a massive migraine. I realized that it was Wednesday, I had therapy today. I pulled in behind a cop car and automatically panicked. I fell out of the car in my rush to get out.

"What happened?" I asked as I ran through the front door.

"Bella" Esme cried.

She yanked me into a hug and cried on my shoulder.

"I was s-so worried ab-bout you! Why would you do this?"

I looked over her shoulder in confusion. A young cop was watching us. He reminded me of Charlie in the pictures of his first few days. Carlisle was a few feet away from him with red eyes. He said something to the cop and then the cop left.

I took Esme a few _long _minutes to calm down and let me go.

"Where were you?" She finally screamed.

I jumped and looked at her in surprise. Did she just yell at me?

"I was driving" I questioned.

"It is 1 o'clock! You have been gone for over 12 hours!"

Esme was _pissed. _I sighed and then frowned deeply.

"I'm sorry" I said finally.

Carlisle walked up to us. "I'm glad you're okay"

As he said this he held his hand out. I couldn't hide my confusion. Did he want to shake hands, maybe high-five?

"Keys" He said simply.

"What" I blanched.

"Car keys"

"Are you serious?"

Carlisle nodded. I was getting my car taken away.

"I should've just kept my truck" I seethed angrily.

"I can't allow you to think that disappearing whenever you want is okay. I'll give them back for school"

My earlier fatigue was quickly fading. I slammed my keys into his hand and rudely pushed my way past him and Esme. I paced angrily in my room. This is ridiculous!

Suddenly my phone rang out. I looked down and automatically recognized the number.

**Monday Morning:**

My alarm clock rang out loudly. My heart seemed to pound in my ears. I am running on an hour of sleep.

The last four days have been horrible! I've been in my room for the most part of them. Carlisle gave me my keys back just long enough for me to run my school stuff up into my room. Other than that I haven't gotten them back. Rosalie brought me my school supplies on Thursday. She asked me if I planned on talking to anyone soon. And I told her no. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I came out of my room for dinner and that's it. That seemed to anger Carlisle, but at least I was eating.

I was ready to go by 7:30. I grabbed my bag, my iPod, and my cell phone before leaving my room. I went straight to the kitchen and saw Carlisle drinking coffee and reading the paper.

"Can I get my keys?" I said with a glare.

"I want you to eat breakfast before you go, you have enough time" Carlisle said, giving me a pointed look from over is paper.

"Well I'm not hungry" I said angrily.

"Eat" Was all he said.

"No" I said back. I didn't care if I was being rude at this point. I just wanted to get my first day over with.

"Isabella I will not tolerate the level of disrespect you have shown for the past few days in my own home" Carlisle said seriously, finally putting his paper down and giving me his full attention.

"Then I'll leave" I said angrily.

I spun on my heel. I was dead serious! I stalked out the house without my keys. The ride to school was 20 minutes, so the walk would be like… I tried to figure it out in my head as started walking but I was sure it would take at least an hour.

"Get in" I looked up and saw Rosalie in her car next to me.

I had been walking for 10 minutes, at most. I frowned and got in the car without a word. I was surprised she was alone.

"Where's Emmett?" I said with barely any volume.

"He rode with Edward" She gave me a sideways glance. "Are you alright Bella?"

I didn't answer right away. "I'm fine"

We pulled into the parking lot. I could see Edward's Volvo and Alice's Porsche from here.

"Bella, I mean are you really okay?"

I looked at her. "Just normal Bella"

"No, you seem a little off, even for you."

"Thanks for coming to my rescue" I said with a sigh.

I got out the car without answering the question. To be honest, I didn't know the answer to that question. I am just so _angry. _I am angry at everything and everyone. I don't even know why anymore. I don't care about the car, I don't care about Jordan, I don't care about anything right now.

I had the door fully closed before I saw it. Tanya was at Edward's car and they were talking. He looked serious, but she smiled and touched his arm. Then she leaned up and kissed him. Edward didn't react. I think it was his lack of reaction that pushed me over the edge.

I hit the floor, hard, and the tears I didn't know I'd been fighting finally broke free.

I really have ruined everything.

**A/N: This chapter didn't seem to have any purpose. I am very disappointed in it actually I most definitely feel like Bella SMH. It does set motions for the next chapter though. I hope the double chapter made up for the wait. The time may be confusing so just for the record they haven't really spoken in 3 weeks. I think I'll do Edward's POV next.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Edward's POV**

"We really should get back together. We can just forget about the past and start over" Tanya smiled touching my arm.

She leaned up and kissed me.

Before I could push her away Jasper bumped into me in his rush to move. I looked up in surprise looking for the fire. Alice followed Jasper and then Emmett followed. I noticed Rosalie's car and automatically panicked. Something happened. I ran over in time to see Bella get off of the floor. She looked at me for all of two seconds; I saw her eyeliner running and the black tears running down her cheeks. She dropped her bag and took off. I was too surprised to move.

"What happened?" I asked.

I didn't wait for the response because Bella had just crossed the street and hit the shelter of the woods. I ran to the street and could hear Emmett's thoughts following me. He grabbed me.

"Edward I don't think it would be smart to run into the woods alone."

"She's in there alone and upset" I screamed. "Do you know how many things could go wrong?"

I started fabricating things that could go wrong in my head. It got so bad that I started to think about things that I knew wouldn't happen. Like what if a meteor hits inside of the forest? Or if a mountain lion eats her. Rosalie finally caught up to us along with everyone else.

"What happened to make her run away?" I asked.

"We should go home and tell Esme and Carlisle she ran again. They'll figure out a better tactic than searching blindly" Rosalie said with a frown.

Emmett drove my car because I was too busy freaking out.

"What are you guys doing home?" Esme said when we walked in.

"We didn't know what to do" Alice said.

"Bella saw Edward and Tanya kiss and broke down. When Edward came over she ran into the woods"

"I can't see her future either." Alice added.

"And she is very" Pause. "Unstable right now" Jasper added.

"It's my fault" I finally found my voice.

"No it isn't" Rosalie said. "She's been feeling off since the whole thing with Jordan and then getting her car taken. Today was just the breaking point"

"Because of Tanya and me" I yelled. "Why didn't you tell me about what was going on with her emotions" I yelled accusingly at Jasper

"Because you weren't talking to her so it shouldn't have mattered. Plus, she was mostly angry. She wasn't aware of any other feelings. I can't sense feelings she doesn't feel." Jasper said.

"What was I supposed to say to her? After bringing him in this house, doing lord know what!"

"If you wouldn't be so thick skulled you would've realized that she didn't sleep with him" Alice snapped. "And that's why she isn't speaking to any of us. Rosalie was the only one who didn't assume anything and went straight to speak to her. I yelled at her, everyone else ignored it and didn't even look at her, and you pushed her away when she tried to explain herself, literally."

"And how do you know she wasn't lying to you" I said, sadly defensive.

"Because it was obvious" Jasper answered.

"This is all my fault" I cried.

"Don't blame yourself son" Carlisle said, walking in.

No one even notice Esme call him.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

Suddenly Alice had a vision. Bella was walking out of the woods a few miles away from the school and closer to the house. She was still crying but was trying to get home.

"I'll go get her" I said when it ended.

"No" Alice said. "Rose can you go pick Bella up? She is a few miles away, towards the school"

Rosalie nodded and left. An hour later they got back home. Bella ran up to her room before anyone had a chance to get to her.

"She didn't speak at all" Rosalie whispered.

A little while later Bella came back downstairs. She had on a sweat suit now and walked straight out of the door.

"Bella" I called at the same time as Carlisle.

She didn't even turn around, she just kept walking ahead.

"Bella" Carlisle said louder. "Where are you going? You need to come back in here."

"I'm leaving" She said quietly.

"Leaving where" Carlisle said.

My heart sped up.

"Leaving here" She said stopping but not turning around. "I don't want to stay here anymore"

I felt my heart break. She wanted to leave and it was my fault. My fault for hitting her, for assuming she slept with Jordan, not talking to her, everything!

"Please don't leave" I spoke up.

I could see her tense up. "Don't talk to me" She finally said.

I felt my heart break again.

"Bella, please, let's talk" I said.

"I have nothing to say to you" She said angrily.

I walked up to her and spun her to me. She reached up and slapped me. I looked at her in surprise. She looked pissed, but all I could see in her eyes was sadness.

"How could you?" She yelled teary eyed.

"I didn't know she would kiss me" I said because I knew that's what she meant.

She didn't respond. Instead she bumped past me the way I had to her. I turned and saw her digging her nails into her arm. I ran up to her and grabbed her arm.

"Stop" I said sternly.

"Don't touch me" She screamed.

I stepped back from her in surprise. Once again her nails dug into her arm.

"If I have to stay here don't expect me to be happy about it" She spit before she started crying again.

"Oh my God" I whispered.

Bella had already run back into the house and disappeared up the stairs. I turned to Carlisle who looked shocked. He looked lost in thought for a few seconds before going back into the house. I followed him but I felt like I was in slow motion. Carlisle was speaking too fast and I was moving too slow.

I was literally knocked out of the state by Jasper. He bumped into me so hard I fell.

"Carlisle" He screamed, running up the stairs.

I got a horrible feeling in my stomach as I ran behind him. We ran straight to Bella's room and dread engulfed me. Jasper banged on the door twice before Emmett ran up and forced it open. He also had to force the bathroom door open. He saw the scene first. I took every inch of control not to scream.

**Bella's POV**

Why is this happening to me? What did I do so wrong?

I slam my bedroom door closed and locked it. My nails have drawn blood from my arm. Four crescent shapes marked my right arm. I threw off my sweater. I want to scream but I can't. I can't breathe. I run to the bathroom and lock that door too. The mirror throws my reflection at me. Why does it look like water though? I'm going to drown.

"Look at you" I look up at the mirror and see Charlie standing next to me, watching me through the mirror.

No. No. No. Why is he here? How is he here? No. No. No.

"Are you happy?" He asks.

I start yanking on my hair roughly.

"Please, please, please make him go away" I beg the air. "What is wrong with me?"

"You killed me" Charlie hisses.

"No" I cry. "No I didn't. Please make it stop" I cry louder.

"Make it stop Bella. Make it stop. Make it all stop" Charlie chants.

_Make it stop_

_Make it stop_

_Make it stop_

My fist flies into the mirror and it breaks around my fist. Huge chunks of glass fall around my hand. Blood falls from my knuckles. I stare at myself in what is left of the mirror.

_Make it stop_

_Make it all stop._

My hand reaches out and grabs a big piece of glass.

_Make it stop_

I close my eyes and do it. Quickly. Right across the wrist. Pain spasms through my body and when I open my eyes Charlie vanishes with a smile. The room spins, the glass falls from my hand to the floor and shatters along with the rest of the glass. My back slams against the wall. I groan in pain and I hit the floor roughly. My head hits the wall and my vision swims. There is blood everywhere. My white bathroom is red.

It's gone though. I fixed it. I fixed me. This time when I blink I don't open my eyes.

**A/N: Hmm I wonder how many of you guys know what just happened to Bella. I would love to hear your guesses. I would love to see who gets it right **

**Once again I apologize for how long I made you guys wait so maybe these updates will make it up… Hopefully…**


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: The POV's in this chapter switch a lot. It starts with Carlisle then switched back and forth with Bella and Edward. I did this because if I chose one POV it would have to be Edward's but then that would be confusing. At least with both you know what Bella is going through when it happens. This chapter just might be my longest Oh and OMG I was so happy with my reviews, just needed to put that out there.**

**Carlisle's POV:**

I ran up to Bella's room. Emmett, Edward, and Jasper were standing in front of the door in a state on shock. I literally had to push through them. Bella's bathroom looked like a scene from in a horror movie.

The mirror was shattered and glass decorated the floor and sink. The sink was covered in blood. Bella sat on the floor, slouched against the wall, eyes closed. Blood was pouring from her wrist. I had to ignore the father in me and go into doctor mode.

"Call an ambulance" I yelled, trying to snap everyone out of it.

This was gruesome, even by doctor standards. I saw Jasper leave first, hopefully to call an ambulance. I grabbed a rag and pressed it tightly against Bella's wrist to stop the bleeding. Her breath was shallow and her pulse weak, barely there.

"Stay with me Bella" I said.

Blood soaked the rag faster than it should have. The front of her white t-shirt was red as well as the left leg of her grey sweats, where her arm had rested. Leaving the rag pressed to her wrist, I lifted it to slow the blood flow. I didn't feel any pain from her.

Tears sprang to my eyes as I lifted her nearly lifeless body. I heard sirens outside and ran down with Bella in my arms. As I got to the first floor paramedics came in. I laid her on the stretcher. They were working on her even before she was out of the house.

"I need to get to the hospital" I said. "Esme call her therapist and tell her she is needed at the hospital for her."

Bella's blood stained the front of my light blue shirt, but I didn't have time to change. The paramedics had already left with my daughter. I grabbed my keys and sped off to the hospital.

"Doctor Cullen, are you alright?" The receptionist asked in surprise when I ran through the doors.

"Yes, fine. I need to know what room my daughter is in" I said frantically.

"I don't understand" She said.

Two paramedics came through the emergency door with a stretcher. I looked over to see Bella's peaceful face. I automatically followed them in and into a room.

"I'm sorry sir, I can't let you in" I looked up to see Dr. Star saying this.

"What the hell do you mean I can't come in?"

"Carlisle" She said in surprise.

"Yes and that's my daughter!" I said. "Stop wasting time with me and tend to her"

"I can't let you in until you change into your uniform."

I spun out of the room and to my office. I quickly changed my shirt and put on my white doctor clothes. Last I washed up quickly and went back to the room. Bella was now on the bed. Dr. Star was reading her file and ordering nurses around.

"Carlisle I cannot let you assist in procedures, you know the rules" Dr. Star said.

"I'm staying, that's final"

"If you interfere and act as her doctor you will be escorted out." She said.

I nodded stiffly. There was a reason we worked together most of the time, she was as serious and on the book as me.

"Let's save this little girl" Dr. Star said.

**Edward's POV**

Everyone but Esme piled into my car.

"Take this outfit for her" Esme said handing Emmett a sweat suit. "I'll be there in a little while."

Rosalie nodded. She was driving because she was calmer than me. I was still in shock and Jasper was holding a sobbing Alice. Emmett was sitting in the passenger seat trying to get over what he saw. I was glad no one was throwing around blame. Let's face it; we all knew this was my fault.

In the hospital we were told we had to stay in the waiting room. Everyone in our waiting room looked terrible. This was where they stuck the family of 'critical condition' patients. We had already been in there for an hour with no word or sight of Carlisle. The more time that passed, the worse I felt.

"Hello, I need to be escorted to Isabella Swan's room" A woman said at the receptionist's desk.

"No one is allowed in right now" The receptionist said. "You can go sit with the rest of the family"

I looked up. The woman was in a business suit and heels, carrying a bag. She looked very professional.

"I have to go see her now" The woman said.

"Who are you? Did you not hear me?" The young receptionist said rudely.

"I am the patient's therapist and I will be complaining to your boss about your attitude" The woman snapped.

The receptionist looks terrified.

"I'm sorry ma'am. She's in room 405"

The business lady walked through the doors by the desk.

More time passed, it dragged on. Every second felt like a minute, every minute like an hour. Doctors walked in and out the doors, sometimes taking families with them other times escorting them out.

"Kids come with me" Carlisle said walking through the door.

We all shot out of our seats and followed him through the doors. He led us to another room, only this one was smaller. We all sat around.

"Esme will be here in a few minutes then we can talk." Carlisle said.

What felt like an hour later Esme walked through the door and then Bella's therapist came in too, followed by another doctor.

"This is Cindy" Carlisle introduced. "And Bella's doctor, Dr. Star"

"Why aren't you her doctor?" I asked.

"Family, it isn't allowed. It is a fear that emotions will interfere with judgment."

I nodded, Carlisle sat with Esme.

"Ms. Swan" Dr. Star spoke. "Still hasn't woken up, but she is alive. We stitched her wrist up and she is having blood transfusions. It was necessary due to the amount of blood loss. She is slowly stabling, but it isn't known how long it will be before she wakes up. She was very lucky you guys got her here when you did. If she continues to make progress she will be moved to a regular room downstairs."

"Excuse me, but actually she will be moved upstairs." Cindy said.

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry" Dr. Star said. "She will be moved upstairs."

"What is the difference?" Esme asked. "And when can she come home, after she wakes up that it?"

Dr. Star looked at Cindy, so Cindy spoke.

"I won't know for sure until she wakes up, but I believe what Bella experienced was a manic, psychotic break. She will be moved upstairs with everyone else being monitored closer than regular patients. After she wakes up she will be here for at least 6 day while we evaluate if she is a risk to herself or others." Cindy said softly.

So much time in this place.

"What exactly is a manic, psychotic break?" I asked.

"It's when a person with manic depression hits a place so low that they start to lose touch with reality. 8/10 people that suffer from a break attempt suicide often caused by hallucinations and delusions." Cindy said.

"What causes it?" I asked.

"Sometimes built up stress, sometimes it can just happen through a depressed period if that manic depression is that bad." She said. "I can diagnose when she wakes up."

I didn't answer. At least we were sure, or almost sure, that she would wake up. Carlisle sent us home after that. We all were reluctant, but he would tell us any news. I went to my room when we got home. There was a lot to think about. It was two days before we heard any news.

**Bella's POV**

_I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my_

_Childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_Cause your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

I looked around for the voice, but couldn't find the angel. I sat in front of a piano and played music to go with the voice. It kept singing.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me_

The voice paused, but I kept playing the piano, looking for it

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

_These wounds wont seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_Theres just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me_

_I tried so hard to tell myself that youre gone_

_Although youre still with me_

_Ive been alone all along_

_When you cried I wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have_

_All of me_

The voice sounded so much like mine as I slowed down the piano and let the song come to an end. I wanted to cry. The song reminded me so much of my life, with my mother and my father. I looked up, trying to figure out where I was.

The room was white and empty, other than the white piano I sat at, on the white stool.

"That was a beautiful song my dear"

I almost choked. I looked up at my mother's smiling face.

"M-mommy" I questioned weakly. "How? What?" I stuttered. "I wasn't singing" I finally whispered.

"Of course you were" She smiled from across the room. "I knew all of your lessons would pay off. You play piano phenomenally too. Do you still play guitar? I know you do."

"Mommy" I said breathless.

"I didn't know you had gotten so good at writing songs" She continued.

"Why did you leave me?" I finally cried.

"I didn't want to leave you" She said.

But I already knew that.

"Do you know how daddy treated me after you left us?" I whispered.

She nodded her head with a frown.

"I know everything you know" She said.

Was this all a figment of my imagination? Am I dead? What is going on?

"Mom, what was your favorite song growing up?" I asked.

"I don't remember" She frowned.

So this isn't real. She doesn't know anything I don't know.

"Mommy I love you" I whispered. "And I miss you"

"I miss and love you too baby girl" She smiled.

I look up at Edward, now walking behind my mom.

"Where did you come from?" I asked surprised.

"Bella, love" Edward smiled. His voice was sad though. "Bella I miss you, please come back"

"What do you mean come back?"

I reached out a hand to him but he didn't try to grab it.

"I like it here" I told him. "It's safe, and mommy is here"

I looked over to my mom, but she had vanished.

"Bella, love, please wake up" Edward said.

I am sleeping, I told myself sadly. None of this is real.

"Please Bella" Edward whispered, finally grabbing my hand.

I blinked a few times. I still felt Edward's hand in mine. Suddenly my body felt heavy and I couldn't open my eyes. My throat was killing me, and there was an annoying beeping to my left. I opened my eyes slowly but saw nothing but white light.

"Edward" I croaked, looking for him.

I felt like my throat was sandpapered over. It burned to talk and the one word made me cough. Coughing hurt 10 times more, tears sprang to my eyes.

"Don't talk" A woman said.

I didn't recognize the voice at all. Suddenly there was a bottle of water with a straw by my lips. I looked up at Carlisle holding it and took the straw between my lips. The water was room temperature and felt wonderful sliding down my dry throat.

"How are you feeling?" Another woman voice spoke and I recognized it as Cindy's voice.

I looked up at her and tried to sit up. I felt like I was made out of bricks. I groaned.

"I'll do it" I recognized Edward's voice.

My bed was suddenly moving to sit me up. I looked around and saw that I was in a hospital room.

"Wh-what am I doing here?" I asked looking at Edward first. "Why am I here?"

"You don't remember?" He asked.

I closed my eyes and thought back to before seeing my mother and a rush of memories flooded me. Jordan, car, Charlie, Carlisle, Tanya, Edward, Charlie. I wanted to cry, sadness swallowing me.

_Make it stop _I heard in my head. The chanting started again and it was driving me crazy. It took a few seconds for me to be able to move my arms. I grabbed the sides of my head as if I was in pain, squeezing my eyes shut.

_Make it stop_

"Make it stop" I finally blurted squeezing my head.

"Bella what's wrong?" Cindy asked.

Charlie's voice started talking in my head.

"I'm a murderer" I whispered along with Charlie's voice.

I realized I couldn't move my left fingers or use too much pressure on it. I opened my eyes and looked at the bandaged wrist. More tears sprang to my eyes. I looked up, still hearing Charlie's voice.

_Murderer, you killed me Bella, you killed me!_

"No, no, no" I cried. "Why does this keep happening to me?"

"Bella calm down" A woman said, I think it was Cindy. "Bella, take a deep breath. Nothing is happening. The room needs to be cleared"

I looked up, but didn't see Cindy anywhere. I didn't see anyone except Charlie. I dropped my arms in disbelief, how is he everywhere? How did he get in my hospital room?

He walked towards me, I tried to back up but couldn't, my body was frozen in fear.

"You can't even take care of yourself" Charlie said in disgust. "I'll do it for you though."

From behind his back Charlie pulled out a kitchen knife.

"Don't do it" I cried fearfully. "Somebody help me" I yelled.

"What's happening to her?" It sounded like Edward.

"Edward you promised" I cried trying to find him. "You promised you wouldn't let him hurt me"

"Dad I have to do something"

"You can't" Carlisle?

"Put her back to sleep before she hurts herself" A woman said.

How am I going to hurt myself? I can't even move. Charlie's going to hurt me!

Charlie brought the knife to my arm and pushed in. I screamed out in pain. Suddenly I was dizzy and falling into the bed. I fell away from Charlie into darkness.

**EPOV**

Bella screamed in pain so loud that I had to cover my ears. Dr. Star covered her mouth until it stopped, her ears ringing. Bella's body went limp once again and slowly her heart monitor went back to normal.

"We're going to make you better" I promised, tears falling from my eyes as I grabbed her hand. "What just happened?" I turned to Carlisle for answers.

Carlisle looked baffled and shook his head. I looked up at the other doctor, Dr. Star, but she was just as baffled.

"She should wake up in a few hours" Dr. Star said.

"When she wakes up, I need to speak to her" Cindy said. "Alone"

"I'm not leaving her" I said automatically.

"Son, she has to do her job" Carlisle said.

"I don't care" I said tartly. "I'm not leaving her side until she is better"

"You have to go home soon, you have school tomorrow" He continued.

I didn't respond this time because I knew it wouldn't work.

"We haven't spoken about anyone who scares her enough to make her scream for help" Cindy said as she wrote something on a paper.

"Charlie" I whispered automatically. "And" I paused feeling horrible. "Me"

"Who is Charlie?" Cindy asked.

"Her sorry excuse of a father" Carlisle said.

_She isn't scared of you, son._ He thought, placing a supposed to be comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I will have to talk to her about that when she wakes"

"Do you have any idea what she is going through and how to fix it?" I asked Cindy.

"Well I'm pretty sure it's a break now. I can't do much-"

"What kind of doctor are you then?" I snapped, cutting her off.

"Edward" Carlisle said in surprise.

I didn't look up at either of them. I kept my eyes on Bella's peaceful face.

"But" Cindy continued. "I can put her on medicine to get a handle on her emotions"

"Son" Carlisle said softly. "You need to go home now. She should be up after school, you can come back then"

I let Bella's hand go with a nod. Leaning over I placed a soft kiss on her forehead, whispering that I would be back. I drove home quickly, impatient already for tomorrow. I couldn't help but worry. How could something that isn't happening feel so real to anyone? I think anxiously. And meds, she was being put on meds. I wish she didn't have to be, but if it helps her get better…. 

**BPOV**

It feels like it's been hours of swimming through darkness.

I open my eyes to blinding light in a white room. One look around showed me that I was still in a hospital room. I was still unbelievably sad. I wished I could forget everything that happened in the last week.

"How are you feeling?" I looked up at the sound of Cindy's voice.

"Fine" I said.

I tried to fake a smile but I didn't have it in me.

"Honestly" Cindy said catching the lie.

It took a second but I pushed myself up. I looked around the room to see that we were the only ones in the room.

"Where is everyone?"

"Edward is in school; Dr. Star and Carlisle are in her office talking. We are here alone."

"Oh"

"Bella" Cindy asked in her 'are you okay' voice.

"Cindy" I said softly.

"I need to know how you are feeling" Cindy said. "What's wrong? Talk to me"

"I don't know what's wrong with me" I said sadly.

"Tell me what happened" Cindy said.

So I did. I told her about the talk Edward and I had and how Jordan came over after 2 weeks of not talking. Losing my car. How I got a call saying that my father finally died. And my never ending anger. Everything up to today including Charlie coming and trying to kill me. I didn't feel anything as I spoke. I didn't honestly care about anything that I was saying.

Cindy didn't speak after I spoke. So I sat and waited for her to tell me I'm crazy and they were going to lock me away in a padded room and force feed me meds.

"I'll be back"

Cindy left the room. I looked down at my arms. There were red whelps on my arms, they looked like scratches. My arm right arm was wrapped up and my left wrist was too. There was an IV in my right wrist and a heart monitor on my pointer finger. I reached over and flinched as I slowly pulled out the IV. I know it was a dangerous but I wanted to leave. I also pulled the monitor off of my finger. It started beeping insanely. A man and a woman rushed in and took in the scene.

"Miss that was a very stupid thing to do" The woman nurse said angrily. "We thought you were dying"

"That was a stupid thing to do with your hair you rude bitch" I snapped.

But really who puts red and blond streaks in their hair? Don't doctors have a dress code anyway?

"Excuse me" She said in surprise.

"I'm sorry, are you deaf?" I asked rudely.

The monitor was still beeping away. I looked up at the man nurse as he turned the monitor off, reading my file.

"Ms. Swan, are you ready to move rooms?" He asked, completely ignoring the argument.

"Move where?" I asked confusedly.

"To your room upstairs"

"I have to stay?" I screeched.

"Only for a few days, it's procedure."

"No" I said angrily. "No, where is my" I paused. "Father" I decided. "Where is my father, I want to see him now"

I swung my feet off the bed and jumped down, almost falling.

"Miss I can't allow you to walk off" The male nurse said standing in front of me.

I pushed him out of the way and ran out of the room.

"Carlisle" I screamed.

I ran down the hallway in my hospital gown angrily. Tears blurred my vision.

"Patient on the run" Speakers said from above me.

Great. I continued to run until I reached two doors. Out of those doors led to a waiting room. To my surprise Esme was seated at one of the chairs.

"Esme" I called.

Esme looked up in surprise. She stood up and I ran into her arms, tears falling from my eyes.

"Esme please, please, please don't let them make me stay here" I sobbed. "Please. I'll behave, I'll never run away again, I'll never yell"

I felt sick with the force of my sobbing. No one understood how much I hated hospitals. I hate the needles, the smells, the fake smiles, just everything.

"Shhh" Esme soothed, her arms around me, rubbing circles on my back. "You didn't do anything wrong, we aren't punishing you. We just want you to get better."

"I'm fine" I said, unsure if that was completely true.

"There she is" A man's voice boomed suddenly.

Tears flowed faster, if that was even possible. Someone grabbed my arms. Esme let me go; she was letting them take me. I let her go, hiding my face in my hands. I let the nurses pull me back and push me into a chair. We started moving, so I could only assume that I was in a wheelchair as if I was incapable of walking. I heard the ding of an elevator twice before we moved into another room.

"Okay Isabella, we are at your room."

"That's not my name" I said angrily, my voice shaking with held in sobs.

I got up from the chair and looked around the room. It was smaller and there was a little window on the side. There was only one bed, which is good, and an open door that led to a tiny bathroom. The room made me feel claustrophobic. The two nurses taking up space didn't help.

"Get out" I said without turning towards them.

"We have to-" A guy started.

"Get out!" I screamed cutting him off.

"Please don't make our jobs harder than they need to be" the second male nurse said.

I grabbed the only thing in the room that I could, a small flimsy pillow, spun, and threw it at the nurse as hard as I could.

"Get out" I repeated heatedly. "I don't want anyone but my father in here."

"Ma'am, who is your father?" The first nurse said, trying to calm me down.

"That would be me" Carlisle said from behind the nurses. He had a grim look on his face. "And I know for sure that you did not have the release from my daughter's doctor to take her up here."

"Dr. Cullen" Nurse one said in surprise. "Her file said she could be moved as soon as-"

"Where is my patient?" A woman's voice said heatedly from outside. Cindy stormed in a few minutes later. "Why was she moved without my knowledge?"

Cindy looked at my tear stained face and my shaking body and frowned deeply.

"See, it doctors and nurses like you guys that don't understand how to handle this kind of case." Cindy rolled her eyes; maybe she's dealt with this before. "Bella, are you alright?"

"I want to leave!" I said angrily. "I want them to out! And I never want to see Esme again!"

"Esme" Carlisle said in surprise. "Why don't you want to see her?"

"She let them take me" I cried loudly.

"Bella, I need you to take a seat on the bed" Cindy said.

"NO" My fists clenched besides me.

"You aren't behaving rationally" Cindy said slowly. "Just sit down so I can start you on a medicine to make you feel better."

"I don't want medicine!" I screamed.

Anger had me shaking and the more they talked and tried to reason, the angrier I got.

**Edward's POV (last for chapter)**

I sped off to the hospital right after school. Inside I was told Bella was moved and now on the fifth floor. I hopped into an elevator and waited, impatiently. After a few minutes I walked into Bella's temporary room. She was alone, I was shocked. I walked and sat at the chair besides her bed where she was lying down.

"Bella, love, why have you been crying?" I asked taking in her big blue and puffy eyes.

Bella looked over at me, sadness etched into her features.

"They're making me stay" She whispered. Her voice was soft, sad, and breathy. "At least 6 day. If I don't agree to take meds they're going to send me to a crazy home." She admitted. "I'm not crazy. I didn't mean to end up here. I wasn't trying to-"

Bella paused; I knew she wasn't going to continue. I also knew she meant she wasn't trying to kill herself. I didn't know how I felt about that, did I believe her this time?

"What medicine do they have you on?"

"Go talk to Carlisle, he's downstairs getting coffee" She said after shrugging.

Bella turned away from me and I had a feeling I wasn't wanted here. Of course the thought sends sadness through me.

"Can't we talk?" I asked softly.

"There is nothing to say" Bella said without turning around.

"Bella, please don't cut me out" I pleaded. "Please talk to me"

"I want you to leave" Bella spoke emotionlessly.

"Bella" I spoke quietly, trying not to sound hurt.

"Go"

I got up, kissed the back of her head, and left the room. I went down to the cafeteria and scanned it, seeing Esme and Carlisle talking at a table. I went over and pulled up a chair.

"Hey sweetie" Esme said with a small smile.

I automatically noticed that her eyes were slightly red.

"Hi mom" I said quietly.

"Have you gone to see Bella?"

"Yes" I said, looking at the table. "She told me to leave"

"I'm sorry" Esme said. "She just needs time"

I nodded. "Why were you crying?"

Carlisle told me what happened with Bella when she woke up. Esme was hurt because Bella didn't want to speak to her either, and also told her to leave. Apparently she didn't want to talk to Carlisle either. She was angry at everyone. They had her on Lithium, and it would take at least 3 days for it to start working properly. Carlisle told me to go home, Esme called Alice and told her not to visit.

"Son" Carlisle said as I got up from the table. "Don't come visit her again. She just needs time, you can talk to her when she comes home."

"So I cant see her for basically a week" I said angrily.

"I just think it would be best that way" He said.

"Oh and Ed" Esme said. "You therapist called yesterday, you skipped your appointment. She agreed to see you today at 5, make sure you go"

"I don't need to, I'm fine, I don't need therapy anymore."

"Please just go"

I looked up at Esme and her frown. She was so worried about Bella and now I was worrying her too. I knew she just wanted what was best for her. I nodded and left.

What a pair, Edward the angry and Bella the scared, perfect couple. I thought bitterly. But I know it doesn't matter, I love her. It will all work out eventually.

**A/N: LONG A** CHAPTER! Okay, I am thinking between 2 and 5 more chapters and then I am ending the story. I think it's time and I know how I'm ending it.**


	52. Chapter 52

**Bella's POV**

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked from the driver's seat.

"Fine" I said with a smile. "I miss being home"

"We miss having you home" Esme said from the passenger's seat.

I didn't answer even though I smiled. I was nervous about how everyone will react when I get there. Did they all think that I was crazy now? Carlisle told me that he told everyone I needed time alone and that's why no one visited me. In one turn I'm glad because I wasn't exactly the nicest person while I was there, but at the same time maybe I wouldn't be so nervous now. Who's to even say they wanted to see me? Negative thoughts settled in and fought again the medicine to make me sad.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked, looking at me in the rear view mirror.

"Yeah, just thinking"

A few minutes later we pulled up to the house. I noticed that Edward and Emmett's cars weren't here.

"They are on their way back from school" Carlisle said noticing my glance.

"Oh, I forgot about school" I mumbled.

"Well you missed two weeks, but you'll be back on Monday"

I nodded getting out of the car. School was good though. School was full of distractions; distractions were good during bad times. Edward's car pulled into the front of the house as I closed the car door.

"Bella" I heard Alice call.

Suddenly Alice flew out of the car and tackled me. I couldn't help but smile as I hugged her back.

"Hey" I said quietly.

"I missed you so much. Carlisle wouldn't let me go visit you. I can't imagine how bored you were in the hospital! I think I would have died." Alice rambled.

I didn't answer as she let me go. She spoke so nonchalantly, as if I was in the hospital because of a cold instead of trying to kill myself. The thought of what I did reared its ugly head.

"Oh I have to tell you what happened on Monday, but later" She whispered with a smile

Before I knew it she was off and on her way into the house.

"Good to see you again Bella" Jasper said with a smile. "Edward hasn't stopped moping" He added with a whisper.

"Nice" Edward called sarcastically.

I looked over at Edward as he closed his Volvo. My breath caught in my throat, I was definitely most nervous about seeing him.

"Hello love" He smiled, swiftly kissing my cheeks.

My face automatically flushed and I smiled weakly. I definitely missed this. Considering that it's been over a month since we were this easy. If only it could be forever.

"Hi" I said with a smile.

"Bella" Emmett's voice boomed, breaking the moment.

"Come find me when you're settled in" Edward whispered.

He stepped away as Emmett barreled towards me. He crashed into me, knocking the wind out of me, literally. If he didn't scoop me into a hug I would've been laid out on the floor.

"Thank God you're home" He said dramatically. "Edward has been going crazy. _Why are the days going so slow, what if she doesn't want to talk to me? Blah, blah, blah_" Emmett mocked Edward's voice. I looked over as Edward flipped Emmett off and disappeared into the house. "Plus, I need someone to work out with, I'm getting weak."

"Oh what happened can't lift a car anymore?" I asked with a laugh as Emmett put me down.

His laugh boomed. "At least I'm not as weak as you" He teased.

"_Pss_" I blew air out of my teeth. "I'm strong" I said.

I tried to keep a straight face as I made a muscle with my right arm. It didn't go far and I broke out laughing with Emmett. Only Emmett can break up such tension and worry by cracking a joke.

"Hey Bella" Rosalie said from behind Emmett.

"Hi Rose" I smile.

"Come on Emmett" She said. "You have a bet to fulfill"

Emmett frowned. "I lost a bet to Rose and now I have to go pick out one of her outfits to wear last period tomorrow"

I burst out laughing trying to imagine Emmett in one of Rosalie's outfits.

Rosalie smiled "I have an outfit in his size too" She said with a wink.

They walked inside, followed by Carlisle and Esme. After a few minutes of being alone outside I walked in and closed the front door. I walked upstairs quietly and to my door. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't will myself to open the door. After 5 failed attempts I sighed and gave up. I walked to Edward's room and knocked on the door.

"Come in" He called.

I opened the door. He was sitting on his bed with books spread out in front of him.

"Homework" I asked.

"Yeah, they started early this year" He said with a smile.

"Do you want me to come back when you're done?" I asked.

"No, they're not due until Monday." He said. "Come in"

He closed up all of his books and put them in his bag. When he was done he patted his bed for me to sit down, so I did. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Are you going to school tomorrow?" Edward asked.

"Carlisle said Monday, but I think I'm going to ask if I can just go tomorrow." I said.

"That's good" He said.

I looked down at my bandaged wrist. It itched but Carlisle told me I wasn't allowed to scratch it. I couldn't wait until it healed and I could use my hand normally again.

"Where do we go from here?" I finally asked. "What are we doing? Are you back with Tanya?"

"Why would you think that?" He asked in surprise.

"I saw you two kiss" I mumbled.

"She kissed me" He said in disgust. "But she won't be a problem anymore. I want us to get back together."

His hand touched my cheek; I looked up into his eyes. They were sincere.

"I love you Bella, I want us to be together again. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I want that to" I whispered.

"So what's stopping us?"

I paused, that was a good question. Edward was getting help, I was getting help, Tanya was out of the picture (though I don't know why), and we love each other.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you believe that I wasn't trying to kill myself?" I asked more forcefully.

Edward paused. I had a feeling he didn't.

"I don't know" He finally sighed.

"The day I got my car taken away" I said. "I was so angry. I was angry at myself, you, Alice, Jordan, my mother, everyone. I went to my room to get away from everything. I got a call, it was Charlie's doctor. Apparently his body hadn't been doing too good with chemo, he finally died that morning." I looked up at Edward's wide eyes. "The doctor was using Charlie's life insurance to have him buried next to my mother. It disgusts me, he doesn't deserve to be next to my mother, he doesn't even deserve to be buried like anything except the monster he is. He deserved to suffer longer than he did. Why not make him suffer the years he made me suffer?"

My emotions were quickly taking a turn for the worst as I continued, but Edward needed to understand. "I didn't know how to handle the anger I was feeling. I searched my bathroom for my razor, but I remembered that I gave it to you to throw out. Not once did I feel sad about his death, I still don't. I hope it was long, drawn out, and painful.

"I walked out on Monday because Carlisle was pissing me off. I can't eat if I'm upset and he just wouldn't drop the issue. He said he wouldn't tolerate my disrespect in his house so I left. I didn't know that Rosalie would pick me up. She even said that I was acting different.

"I saw Tanya kiss you, and you didn't do anything. I felt like I would drown in that moment. I didn't know I was sad about anything, but seeing that just made the anger go away. I would prefer anger over sadness any day. Something in me snapped when I ran. I didn't want to see you or anyone else. I didn't want to stay here, so I said I would leave.

"You didn't care though, you couldn't have still cared. You acted like you cared when I said I was leaving, and when I scratched myself" I looked down at the small crescent shaped cuts, still on my arm. "I don't know what happened when I went back in my room. I mean I know my nails cut into my arms and I went into the bathroom. Charlie was there, no one believes me, but he was there. He kept saying that I killed him and told me to make it stop. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just wanted him to go away so I broke the mirror. But he was still there. He said I knew how to make it stop, so I did. There was glass everywhere and it was just so easy. I didn't mean to cut so deep, I just wanted to make him go away. But there was blood everywhere, I got dizzy, but I fixed it. Charlie was gone, and I did what he wanted."

I got up from the bed without looking at Edward. I took a deep breath, trying to stop the flow of tears that started.

"You don't understand how it felt. His voice was echoing in my head and I couldn't deal with it. I didn't know what else to do." I whispered.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know" Edward whispered sadly.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" I asked, turning to him angrily. He looked at me in confusion. "When Jordan was at the house." Tears were still falling from my eyes. "Why didn't you give me a chance to explain myself? I _told you _that I loved you! How could you just assume I fucked him?"

Edward stood up in front of my and opened his mouth. I didn't give him a chance to speak.

"Do you really think that low of me?" I yelled as he stepped towards me. I hit him in his chest angrily. "Do you know how much that hurt Edward? You just walked away like it didn't even matter! Did you even care about what I had to say at all? How could you?"

I hit his chest 3 more times before he grabbed my hands. Before I could stop him he pulled me against his chest.

"I'm so sorry love. I should have spoken to you. I shouldn't have assumed you cheated, I regret it every day." He spoke softly, voice full of emotion.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shirt. Edward just held me, and let me cry, rubbing soothing circles into my back. After a few minutes I calmed down enough to breathe almost normally.

"Do you feel better?" Edward whispered.

He moved so that he could wipe my eyes. I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry I hit you" I whispered.

"Its okay" He smiled. "I deserved it. Do you forgive me for hurting you?"

I nodded. I was glad he didn't hit me back, it showed change. Maybe he was better, maybe we would be okay. Edward leaned down and kissed me softly. We lay on his bed and he hummed, slowly lulling me to sleep.

Images ran through my head. Pictures of my mom smiling at me, her face when I sang to her for the first time after all of my lessons, my father's face smiling as he kept my mother happy, his face when she told him I wasn't his. _This is all your fault _his voice yelled accusingly. Violence, that's all that was left when my mom died.

I woke with a start, barely holding in the urge to scream.

"Are you alright?" Edward's voice asked softly.

I looked up at him. His eyes were full of worry; I nodded slowly watching the worry leave his eyes with my shaky smile.

"Are you still tired?"

I shook my head with a small yawn and a smile.

"Well Esme is starting dinner soon."

"I need to shower and stuff" I said quietly.

I untangle myself from Edward's hold and stretch. I hesitate at his door.

"Can you come with me?" I whispered finally.

"To your room" He asked.

I nodded looking back at him. I felt his hand touch my lower back a few seconds later and we made our way to my room. I stopped at the door, so suddenly Edward's side bumped lightly into my shoulder. Edward didn't rush me and 30 seconds ticked by slowly.

"I changed my mind" I finally said in a high pitched voice.

My heart was beating fast and my breath quickened. I stepped back and harder into Edward's hand shaking my head.

"Alright, calm down." Edward said soothingly. "What are you so afraid of?"

"Him" I whispered. "Can I shower in your room?"

"Edward" Esme called.

"Sure" He said.

I looked up at him and returned the smile he gave me. He turned and walked down the stairs.

I showered quickly, using Edward's _Axe _Body Wash. I used the red towel I left in his bathroom before we started arguing. It smelled clean and surprised me that it was even there. Finally I grabbed one of Edward's white t-shirts that came down to my knees and a huge pair of sweats. Edward's oversized clothes were beyond comfortable.

I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Carlisle I need gauze" I said, feeling self-conscious under Esme and Edward's gaze.

"Come" He said.

I followed Carlisle to his office where he pulled out his doctor bag.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Fine" I said.

I stared down at my wrist. The stitches still showed in the deep red slit. Carlisle wrapped it slowly and then taped it down. After that he rubbed cream on the nail marks on the top of my arm.

Back at the dinner table I sat across from Edward in front of my plate of mashed potatoes, corn, and steak. I thought I was hungry, but I was just pushing my food back and forth, occasionally taking small bites.

Edward was watching me.

Esme was watching me.

Carlisle was watching me.

I felt the others glancing at me every few minutes. For some reason my appetite was shot.

"Bella, eat" Carlisle finally said.

I looked up at him and finally put a spoon full of mashed potatoes in my mouth. Edward's sock covered feet touched my bare feet briefly. I wasn't even one forth done with my food when everyone else finished their own food.

"You don't have to eat anything else if you aren't hungry" Esme said, looking at me.

I got up from the table and disappeared into the kitchen carrying my food. Edward and Carlisle were behind me getting rid of their own plates.

"Here" Carlisle said.

He held out his hand with two little white pills in it.

"I'll take it right before I brush my teeth" I said as I took it the pills.

"Now" He said easily handing me a bottle of water of water from the fridge.

I glared as I popped the pills in my mouth. A few seconds later I opened my mouth wide for Carlisle to see. He smiled and I followed Edward up to his room. He had his back to me and I quickly moved the pills from the bottom of my tongue and spit it into my hand.

_I don't need pills. I will never need pills again. I am fine without them!_

"I'm exhausted" Edward said, turning back to me.

"Me too" I said honestly.

I used his mouthwash to rinse my mouth out before getting into bed with him. I quickly drifted off, but woke up soon after. Edward was sleeping and his clock read 12:57. Without the stupid sleeping pills I wasn't going to sleep through the night. As slowly and softly as possible, I slipped off of Edward's bed and out of his room. The pills were hidden in the pocket of Edward's sweats.

I made my way to my room and forced myself to open the door. The room was dark so I flipped on the light. The room looked normal as I put the pills under my pillow. I walked around, touching my stuff as if it was someone else's. Slowly I walked into the bathroom. It looked normal, as if nothing ever happened in there. The only thing that was different was the white bathroom set I had was now off white. It had been changed, along with everything else. I closed the bathroom door behind me as I made my way back to my bed. I grabbed my guitar as I made my way over. I sat, strumming the guitar softly. There were no words to describe the empty feeling that had engulfed me. I stopped strumming and just stared out the window.

Morning found me sitting on my bed and staring out the window. I heard Edward's alarm go off and decided to get dressed after I showered. I hid the dark marks under my eyes effortlessly and then convinced Esme to let me go to school. Carlisle handed me my two anti-depressants and I fake swallowed them. While Edward unlocked his car, I stored the pills in my pocket.

"How you feeling love?" Edward asked. "You disappeared in the middle of the night"

"No, I woke up at around 6:15 so I really only left 15 minutes before you woke up. I slept through the night" I lied quickly.

"Okay, good to know your medicine didn't fail you" He teased lightly.

I laughed quietly.

The school day passed super slowly. I was glad to see that I didn't have any classes alone; I had all classes with someone in the family. By the end of the day I had homework in every class; Edward was right they started early this year. So now I sat Indian style on Edward's bed. He was across from me and our books were spread out between us. I was staring at my math packet, on the second page out of 30. The first page said _Math III_ _Assessment._ This was to see where I was and how much I knew from last year. I had flipped through this packet and wasn't surprised to see that I didn't know anything; it's a wonder I even passed this far.

I flipped through the packet three times while Edward concentrated, scribbled away, erased and got way more done than me. Anger coursed through my blood at this stupid school work. Without thinking, I tossed the paper across the room angrily. Edward looked up at me in surprise but I got up and stormed from the room. Tears welled in my eyes as I walked into my room and slammed the door. I sat on the floor and let myself cry angrily. A few seconds later I hear my door open, I was staring at the white pills in my hand; this morning's anti-depressants. I looked up at Edward and closed my fist around the pills. Edward looked down at me and sighed.

"Are you alright love?" He asked sitting in front of me.

I slid the pills back in my pocket and nodded.

"What's wrong?"

"I hate school" I sobbed. "I'm not smart enough!" I sounded too young to my ears.

"Don't say that" He whispered, reaching out to me.

I flinched away from his hand. This reminded me of when I started school late because I broke my arm and my mother tried to reassure me that I just needed to catch up.

"You've been having a hard time today" Edward mumbled. "Maybe we should talk to Carlisle"

"No" I said quickly. "I'm fine"

He frowned at me, I really hoped he wasn't about to start an argument.

"How about I help you with the work?" He said eventually.

"You don't have to" I said quickly, drying my eyes.

"I want to" He smiled.

I smiled back weakly and took his outstretched hand. He pulled me up and wiped my eyes.

"I'll always want to help you"

….

Before I knew it, a month had passed. My emotions swung wildly and my meds were changed twice. My top drawer held all of my hidden pills. I was getting worse with each day that passed, but I was doing fine.

"Are you sleeping with me tonight?" Edward asked as we made our way up the stairs.

"Um" I mumbled. "No, I think I'll sleep alone"

"Goodnight love" He said with a frown.

"Goodnight"

I stepped off towards my room with secret tears in my eyes. The first thing I did was spit the pills into my drawer. Next I pulled out the Exacto blade I had hidden in there. It was amazing how easy it was to get these things. They just hung on the wall in craft stores. Actually, they hung on the walls in every popular store except the super market! I walked over to my bed, twisting the knife in my hand and watching it gleam. Temptation gnawed at me, I should relieve some of this stress and anger and sadness. It wouldn't even be that hard; the sun was setting earlier and coming up later, the nights grew cold. Winter was coming.

"Bella" Carlisle called loudly.

I dropped the blade in surprise; it clattered to the floor loudly.

"Coming" I called back.

I wiped my face and ran out of the room and down the stairs.

"Yes" I squeaked as I slid into the kitchen where Esme and Carlisle sat at the counter.

"We want to talk to you, come sit" He said.

I sat down quickly and looked at them, did they know? They couldn't possibly have found out…

Carlisle sighed. "What's going on?" He finally asked.

"Nothing" I said confusedly.

"Sweetie" Esme frowned. "Is your medicine not working anymore?" She looked genuinely worried.

I shrugged, not trusting my voice. I looked away from Esme's face, always full of love and honesty. I could feel them staring at me. There was a long pause.

"What should we do?" She asked.

"Nothing" I said with a shrug.

There was a loud bang upstairs, I looked up in surprise.

"I'm tired" I said. "Goodnight"

I got up and slipped up the stairs. Upstairs I saw that Edward's door was closed. I turned to it and went to the door. I knocked softly, but there was no answer. Downstairs I saw lights being turned off, everyone had headed to bed. I opened the door to see Edward pacing, a tight angry expression on his face. His pace was fast, posture tense, expression twisted into a snarl. I tensed up in fear; I hadn't dealt with angry Edward after I came home. I tried to figure out what had upset him, but nothing came to mind.

"What's wrong?" I squeaked.

"Get out" He barked.

I flinched away from the anger coloring his voice.

"Babe what's wrong?" I whispered, breathless with fear.

"Get out" He yelled at me.

Tears spilled from my eyes and hurt filled my heart.

"I need you to talk to me" I whispered, my voice broke.

"You don't need me!" He yelled. Fire filled his eyes. "You have everything you need without me!"

I didn't understand why he was so angry with me. I spun out the room, he needed time to cool, not me to anger him further.

_You don't need me! _ His words played over and over in my head. Didn't he know how much I did need him? I went down to the piano room. I noticed that the living room and kitchen light were on again. Did Edward's outburst make anyone else leave their room?

I sat at the piano and played a slow, melancholy, melody. I tried to think of words to say, what would make him understand how much I needed him. I sang:

_There will never come a day_

_You will ever hear me say_

_That I want or need to be without you_

_I wanna give my all_

_Baby just hold me_

_Simply control me_

_Because your arms _

_They keep away the lonely_

_When I look into your eyes_

_Then I realize_

_All I need is you in my life_

_All I need is you in my life_

_Cause I never felt this way about loving_

_No_

_Never felt so good_

_Baby_

_Never felt this way about loving it feels so _

_Good_

I turned to see Edward walking away. I ran out after him but he closed his bedroom door as I got on the floor. Out of pure anger I screamed into my mouth, effectively muffling it. I stomped into my room and slammed the door. I looked down and noticed the blade was still on the floor. I picked it up and stared. After a few seconds I put the blade to my skin, an inch or so away from the almost healed cut on my wrist.

My door burst open and Edward barreled in, I almost screamed. His face was twisted in rage and the first thing he did was snatch the blade from my hand, as if he knew I had it.

_Alice_

My breaths came out in short bursts as I backed away from Edward. He stepped to me until he was in my face.

"You want to be hurt" He yelled.

I could see his hands balled into a fist.

"Because I can hurt you" He continued.

"Get out" I finally said. My voice was braver than I felt.

"For what, so you can try and kill yourself again?"

I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted the tears. Pain flashed through Edward's eyes.

"Why do you keep doing this Bella, you're supposed to be getting better"

I shook my head, trying to push myself further into the wall.

"No what" He asked, his tone was softer now. "Talk to me" His eyes sparkled with tears.

I shook my head again.

"The pills are supposed to be helping you; they're just making things worse"

I shook my head again.

"No what, Bella, no what!"

I slipped out from between him and the wall. Slowly I made my way to my draw. I filled both of my fists with the pills I was supposed to be taking and turned and looked at Edward's feet. When I opened my palms it sounded like it was raining. Edward gasped and I sobbed.

"Bella" He whispered.

"I don't need them" I cried, my voice broke. "I don't want them"

"We have to tell Carlisle" He said softly.

"No" I cried. "I don't want to take pills; he's going to make me"

"They are meant to help you" Carlisle voice said from the door. "You shouldn't be hiding your medicine Bella; can't you see what it's doing to you? Not being on your medicine."

I didn't turn at the sound of his voice. Instead, I let myself fall to the floor and cry.

**A/N: MY LONGEST CHAPTER! Sorry for the long wait, one more chapter I think. It will probably be the epilogue. But this story is over, it has to be, it's gone on for too long. Leave me love.**


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: I think there is actually going to be another chapter because I didn't leave off in a good place for an epilogue, but I honestly don't even know where to go from here…**

**BPOV**

The next week seemed to drag by. I was put back on my original medicine and forced to actually take them under Carlisle's all seeing eyes. Also, my newest razor was confiscated, what a waste of $10. I even go to therapy on Saturdays as well as Wednesdays. That's where I was heading now. Edward was sitting in the driver's seat staring ahead dutifully. I stared out the passenger's side window blankly. I could feel my body trying to fight against the false happy flowing through my brain; I didn't want to be happy.

"Bella" Edward sighed.

"Don't" I answered without turning to face him.

We had a rough week after my last fuck up. Talking seemed to be harder now. Edward just didn't understand sometimes, it made things hard.

"Bella, please" He said.

"No, this is your fault" I finally turned to glare at him, hoping he wouldn't notice that I was hurting.

I could see Esme and Carlisle in Carlisle car and nice distance ahead of us. I was caught off guard by Edward suddenly pulling off of the road and stopping with his car in the grass. He pulled the car into park, put on the hazard lights, took the keys from the ignition, and looked at me.

"We are not going to move until this is resolved" He said.

I glared harder at him, when he didn't budge I got out of the car, slamming the door. He followed.

"Talk to me" He said, following me a few feet away from the car.

I spun on him angrily. "Do you think this is how I want to live my life?" I yelled at him. "Spending Saturdays and Wednesdays going to talk to someone who I don't want to talk to? Or being having pills shoved down my throat twice a day? Well in case you didn't know, I don't!"

"Bella" He said, brow furrowing and pausing unsurely. "I go to therapy on Wednesdays too" He finally said.

"Well maybe you like it but I don't" I yelled out furiously. "I hate it! And I hate having to take pills that fuck with my emotions too! I don't need them!"

"They're only to help you, I just want you to be happy" He said softly.

"I would've been fine if you wouldn't have barged into my room and caused a scene!"

"You were going to slit your wrist again" He said incredulously. "Was I just supposed to let you do it?"

"If you wouldn't have yelled at me and slammed the door in my face then I wouldn't have been so upset! You didn't even bother to tell me what I did that was so fucking wrong! Was it because I didn't want to sleep in your room, because that's just fucking stupid? THEN you turn around and get Carlisle on me!"

"We just care about you; I was upset because I found the razor when you went downstairs. I was just surprised and upset. I really do love you Bella, with all my heart, I'm worried you'll hurt yourself and I'll lose you. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." He was whispering by the time he was done.

My heart throbbed. I loved him to, how was I supposed to stay angry with him if he said things like that.

"You're not going to lose me" I sighed.

I walked forward and my hand on his cheek, meeting his eyes.

"I just hate being on medicine. I don't need them, every time I'm on medicine something bad happens. 65% of teens of anti-depressants become reliant on them, I looked it up. The same thing with sleeping pills, I don't want to be part of that statistic, especially when I don't need the medicine."

"Bella, look what happened the last time you stopped taking them."

That hurt, I looked at him fighting back the tears and hurt that that simple and honest sentence had. No one understood. My pulled my hand back and looked away as tears filled my eyes.

"We're going to be late" I whispered before walking away, eyes trained on my feet.

"Bella, I'm sorry" He said.

"Let's just go"

Edward followed me into the car silently. After a pause he started the car.

"I really do love you" He whispered.

"I know I love you too" I said honestly.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"I'll probably love you more when I'm off the medicine though." I smiled at him and he started back towards the therapist office.

…

"Bella, I thought today we could talk about your father" Cindy said, drawing my attention back to her.

"What, why" I cried caught off guard. "I mean, there is nothing to say" I said when I was thinking rationally. "He took care of me for my whole life until I came to the Cullens, why would we have to talk about him? I never mentioned him before, he isn't an issue."

"He is an issue; he is your main issue."

"He isn't even alive" I said bitterly.

"That's why I don't understand why he still scares you so much."

"He doesn't" I lied.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me" Cindy said softly. "Just tell me about him"

"If I talk will I be a step closer to be off these pills?"

"It may help your healing process"

"Ok"

And before I knew it I was spilling my guts. I found myself saying things I had never said before, things I had never even told Edward. I bit back tears the entire time and even Cindy's eyes teared up as I talked about the transition from him loving me to him hating me and then the transition to loving me for his own benefit. Cindy looked shocked by the time I was done.

"I told you I was seriously fucked up" I finally said.

"I had no idea you had it so bad" She finally admitted.

I shrugged; maybe she'd need therapy after hearing that story.

"It doesn't really matter" I lied. "I don't even think about it anymore"

Now that lie was too big to fully cover up and I think Cindy noticed. She didn't need to know that was where my nightmares stemmed from or that that was all I thought about on nights I opted out of Edward's bed and thus Edward's ability to keep me calm. Charlie was never far from my thoughts.

"Bella, you know that nothing is your fault, right?"

I shrugged noncommittally.

"It isn't, people like Charlie always make you feel like it's your fault."

I shrugged again, I didn't believe her, I knew all of this was my fault.

Before I knew it my nails were biting into my palms. Didn't she see that I didn't want to talk about it anymore?

"Bella, there is no way for any of that to be your fault."

"I must have shown him something to make him think I wanted him like that, and I must've done something wrong for him to turn around and hate me when he loved me so much. Maybe I changed after my mother died; maybe I was just too much like her. I should have just left with her."

"Then you would have died"

I looked over at her, directly at her face, her expression changed in recognition for my facial expression. It said "and your point is?"

"Bella" She started, but I cut her off.

"It would have been better than dealing with Charlie, easier."

"Bella, living is better than dying"

My nails dug deeper into my palms and I felt the skin break. Warmth slowly touched my fingertips as I hastily tried to hide the cuts; I hadn't done it on purpose.

"That has yet to be proven to me" I said in a dead tone. "Time is up" I added before she could answer.

I jumped from my seat and headed for the door. I barely touched it as I opened it. Blood was beginning to pool in my hands. I rushed to the waiting room where Carlisle, Esme, and Edward were doing exactly what the title said. I heard Cindy's heels tapping quickly behind me getting louder. The blood now leaked between my fingers. I liked around wide eyed before pulling out a handful of tissues from the receptionist desk. I pressed them against my palms to soak up the blood before I got caught. Cindy gestured for Carlisle and Esme to come up to her. I wonder if I had given her some reason to break doctor patient confidentiality.

"Come on, I want to go" I whispered to Edward.

He smiled and nodded. I followed him to his car still clutching the paper towels. I had difficulties putting on my seatbelt but I got it done.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked as he drove.

"No" I whispered honestly.

He looked over at me looking as surprised as I felt at my blunt honesty. His expression also said he wanted me to tell him why. So I sighed and did.

"She asked about Charlie" I said, staring out the window. "She said it might help my healing process and so I told her. Everything. I just kind of blurted it out. Then she started telling me how nothing was my fault and I-" I stopped, I couldn't tell Edward that I had accidentally cut myself, it wouldn't sound good.

"I just got upset" I finished lamely, lacking any volume in my voice.

Edward didn't look like he believed me for a second.

"I'm glad you talked about Charlie" He finally said. "I think it will help you to get better when you understand that it wasn't your fault"

I scowled. "No one was there; no one knows how untrue that statement is"

"Bella" Edward started, but I cut him off.

"Have you and your therapist talked about your father yet?"

But I knew the answer.

"No" He said.

"Maybe when you're forced to spill your guts about your father you'll understand why it is so upsetting."

Edward clenched his teeth. I reached out and ran my knuckles across his cheek. He caught my hand and I gasped out in shock and pain. I automatically pulled my hand away and hid it in the sleeve of my sweater. I hid the bloody tissues in my pocket and realized that the cuts didn't actually hurt unless I paid attention to them.

"Edward I'm sorry we haven't spent any time alone in a while" I whispered.

"I know, but we've been dealing with a lot" He said softly. "You don't need to be sorry."

"I want to make it up to you" I said quietly.

"You don't have to" He said.

"I want to"

I rubbed my thumb against my palm and sighed when it didn't hurt, just kind of itched. I smiled and reached over, putting my hand on his chest. I knew that being with Edward intimately would automatically put me in a better mood, and it would bring us closer, I knew I was. Plus it really had been too long.

"Bella" Edward said softly. "I want to, but I want to know what you're hiding."

"I'm not hiding anything" I lied furiously.

"I know you better than you think I do" He said with a small smile.

"I'll tell you when we get to the house" I said quietly.

With that I turned on the music and let a random, annoying song play.

We got home too fast and Edward didn't let me escape to my room like I had planned. He pulled me into his room.

"Tell me" He ordered.

I sighed and lifted my palms to him. He gasped when he saw it.

"Bella"

"It was an accident" I said.

"How was that an accident?" He demanded.

"I balled my hands into a fist and it cut"

"If it was an accident then why did you hide it?" He said angrily.

"Because I knew everyone would react like you" I said back.

"How was I supposed to react?" He shouted, angry now.

"I didn't even want to tell you" I yelled.

Tears collected in my eyes.

"I was an ACCIDENT! I didn't mean to do it! Just forget it" I said, leaving the room quickly.

I paced the hall way for a few seconds before going downstairs into the piano room. I sat there and strummed for a few seconds before I started singing.

_All along it was a fever_

_A cold sweated hot headed believer_

_I threw my hands in the air and said show me something_

_He said if you dare come a little closer._

_Round and around and around we go_

_Now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it_

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you_

_And it takes me all the way_

_I want you to stay_

_It's not much of a life you're living_

_It's not just something you take it's given_

_Oh round and around and around we go_

_Now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it_

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you_

_And it takes me all the way_

_I want you to stay_

_Ooh_

_The reason I know now_

_Is I need this whole on_

_Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving_

_Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving_

_Not really sure how to feel about it_

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you_

_And it takes me all the way_

_I want you to stay_

_I want you to stay_

**A/N: Yay! I know how I'm ending finally! There will actually be maybe another chapter or two I think so that I can get there! YAY! I can't believe I actually know where I'm going with one of my stories xD! OHHHHH and if you haven't seen breaking dawn 2 then I don't know what you're waiting for! It was effin fantastic!**


	54. Chapter 54

**My updates should be a little more frequent now that I have internet at home again, Yay! **

**BPOV**

That Wednesday we headed to therapy dutifully. For the first time in a while the car ride was quiet and content. I didn't feel forced to talk and there was no tension hanging in the air except for the tension over what I was going to be forced to indulge in during my session. I couldn't lie; my medicine had put a small smile on my face today. It helped me through the day of teachers whose mission in life was to bother me.

"Ready" Edward asked as we pulled up to the office complex.

"Ready as ever" I said with a deep breath.

We were alone today, Carlisle was working and Esme was meeting with a client. The only reason this worked out was because apparently they were told that they didn't have to come to each session and wouldn't really be needed more than once a month.

The wait in the waiting room was too short. For once Edward was called in before me and I was alone in the waiting room for almost five minutes before Cindy came for me.

"How are you?" She asked, closing the door behind us.

"False happy" I said honestly finding my seat quickly and facing her.

She frowned and smiled at the same time, a talent she had that still hasn't failed to creep me out.

"I know what you want to talk about" I said after a pause that felt long but was only about a minute in reality. "So let's get it over with"

"Bella, why don't you feel like you can talk to me; I'm here to help you"

I sighed. "It's not that I don't feel like I can't talk to you, I just don't understand why we have to talk about him."

"He was a major part of your life, he is a major factor of your life and how you will turn out." She explained. "So we have to talk about him"

"I already told you everything"

"How do you feel about him now?"

"I'm glad he's dead" I said honestly and bitterly.

That started the whole thing. By the time the session was over eye-liner had run down my cheeks from crying and made little tracks from me wiping at it with my sleeves. My cheeks were hot and raw and I'm sure Cindy finished a whole box of tissues. I was amazed at how understanding she was and my willingness to cry on her shoulder after a few minutes. What had really pushed me over was talking about my mother.

Edward was waiting for me in the waiting room with a scowl on his face. Cindy saw it and saw my hesitation. One look at my face and Edward ran up to me worriedly.

"Are you okay?" He asked wiping tears from my face.

I nodded, smiling through watery eyes.

"How about you, you seemed a little upset" I said.

He continued to wipe the remainder of my tears away.

"Don't worry love, I'm fine" He said.

"Tell me" I insisted.

"When we get home" He promised, wiping under my eyes one more time and kissing me before leading me out to the car by the hand.

The car ride was slow but after much sighing and getting lost in thought, we were there. I followed Edward up to his room and we started on our homework.

"So what happened in therapy to make you so angry?" I asked as I stared at the math problem I was supposed to be solving.

"You must've started something" He said. "Because Nancy" His therapist "brought up my family"

"How did that go?" I asked softly, I looked up at him scowling at his own homework and obviously not doing it.

"Fantastic" He said bitterly.

I leaned over and laid my hand on his shoulder. He looked up, hazel eyes shining with a mixture of anger and annoyance.

"It was horrible" He finally confessed. "She says she understands why I quote unquote am the way I am." He paused. "What does that even mean?"

He looked back down at his work shaking his head. I paused, thinking about what I should say, but I could think of nothing that worked and was honest.

"It'll get easier talking about him" I finally said, repeating what Cindy had said to me.

We were quiet for a few minutes, both of us trying to get homework done and failing miserably. Edward's thoughts were obviously still on his therapy session. My thoughts also lingered on mine.

"I hate knowing that you're still scared of me" He finally whispered.

"I don't" I lied, only missing a beat.

"You hesitated when you saw that I was angry after therapy, you were scared."

"I love you" I said leaning over and kissing his cheek. "That's all that matters. Now," I said with a smile. "Don't you want to help me with Ms. Hart's math homework?"

With that the tense air thinned and vanished.

"So what do you want to do with your life" Cindy asked a month later.

"I'm not sure" I said. "I'm just taking things day by day now. I'm just glad I'm finally off of the pills."

"I am happy for you" She smiled. "How have you been feeling since last week."

I thought about it.

"I've been fine" I said. "Edward and I have been building our relationship higher and higher, I think he's as happy for me as I am that I'm off the medicine."

"Let's talk about Edward , we haven't really spoken about him"

"There's nothing to say about him" I said, brow furrowing.

"Do you think you'll be with him in a year?"

I nodded with a smile.

"Bella, he has put his hands on you before, hasn't he?"

I wanted to protest, but I didn't want to lie.

"That was a long time ago, he's apologized, and he's changed." I said quickly.

Cindy looked like she was contemplating this before she nodded.

"Well, lets say he slips up, do you think you'd forgive him?"

"No" I said automatically. Then I paused, wondering if I meant that. "But he loves me and I love him, it wont happen again."

"So let's get back to your future" She said. "Do you want to go to college? What can you see yourself doing?"

I closed my eyes and thought about it but I came up blank.

"I do want to go to college, but I'm not sure what for yet."

"Think about it" She said. "We'll talk about it next week"

With that I caught up to Edward in the reception area and we went out to see a movie and have dinner.

I went back to having therapy only on Wednesdays. Everything was getting easier including my relationship with Edward. Our senior year would be over soon, surprisingly I was getting A's, and Esme started pushing us to look into colleges, saying we already were behind.

Edward lit up at the thought of college. He said he wanted to follow Carlisle's footsteps and go to medical school. He didn't know where he wanted to go though, or if he would get in. His joy warmed my heart. But despite his excitement, neither of us had applied to college when prom rolled around.

The graduation was here. We glowed as we walked the stage in our cap and gowns and threw a graduation party.

"Attention" Edward said from the DJ stand. "Can I get everyone's attention?"

I looked over to him and walked over when he gestured to me.

"I just want everyone to know that there is no one I love more than this beautiful woman right here." He turned towards me. "You are the most important person in my life, so Isabella Swan" He got on his knee and looked up at me. Tears filled my eyes. "Will you marry me?"

He pulled out a little black box and opened it to reveal a breath taking ring.

"Yes" I said quietly, then louder. "Yes"

He slid the ring onto my finger and got up, smiling brightly.

"I love you" He said.

I threw myself into his arms and kissed him multiple times. He spun with me in his arms and the room busted into applause. The celebration intensified and didn't end until close to 3 in the morning. Esme and Carlisle had left us for the night and that resulted in 6 very drunk 18 year olds sleeping well beyond noon. When we woke up we were subject to a long lecture while we were hung over and a lot of disappointed frowns. But then we celebrated as a family, celebrated mine and Edward's engagement.

"Bella" Edward said one morning as we lay on his bed being lazy.

"Hmm" I said looking up at him.

"I want you to apply and come to the same college as me, I know it's medical school, but please" He said.

"I don't know" I said, "Let me think about it"

"Okay love" He smiled. "Well, today's our last day of therapy let's get ready."

So that's what we did, then we headed off and were sent in immediately. It was an easy last session I mostly thanked her and told her I might be going to medical school with Edward but I didn't know what I planned on doing. When it was over Cindy walked out with me and told me I could call her in any case. Edward was waiting and there was another girl sitting in the seat.

She had long blond hair and blue eyes, which were down cast. She had long sleeves on but they had rode up slightly giving me a sight of cuts peaking out of the shirt. She was quiet and with a man. She looked up at me and pulled her sleeves down.

"Annabelle" Cindy said.

She shuffled to her feet quickly and secretly flinched as the man put a stiff arm around her shoulder. I knew the fear that radiated from her body.

"Cindy" I said as she walked away. "I see myself doing what you're doing"

She smiled. "Why"

"Because I see me" I gestured to the little girl's body, she was facing me but her father wasn't. "And my _him_"

Cindy paused and then furrowed her brow. Finally she nodded, understanding .

"Good luck" She said.

And then Edward grabbed my hand and we walked forward, into our forever.

**And it's over. I am not good at endings, so I hope this one was satisfactory. Please leave me some last chapter love and check out my other stories. Love you guys.**


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